Is it focused?
It is my second time filming this video because
the first time i shot it it was out of focus
and i tried to fix it in post but you can't do that!
Mom, can you check if this is focused?
*grunts*
Mom - it looks good to me!
It's focused?
Mom - yeah!
Okay.
Great.
Great, okay!
Mom - good luck, bella
Thanks :)
Hello my beautiful people, welcome back to my channel
*sings* it's Keara!
And today I'm gonna be doing a video all about long distance relationship advice!
You guys asked me a bunch of questions on Instagram so I am
here answering all of your advice.
I know a bunch of you are in long-distance
relationships - I feel like it's a thing that a lot of queer relationships are
long distance. I don't know why but it just is!
I am in one myself so I'm only
speaking from experience, you don't need to take my advice if you don't want to.
Before we jump into the video, I have some exciting news.
So I don't know if
you guys have seen my short film "Night Drive" but if you have, thank you so much
for all of your support because it just got admitted into Buffer Festival in
Toronto which is like a YouTuber kind of film festival
Stevie Boebi's premiering her
short film there which I am also in!
and I did not realize that it would get this
popular and I'm just very very grateful for every single one of you.
So,
with that being said, if you do live in the Toronto area, feel free to come out to the screening.
I will be there, Jess will be there who plays Heidi
Matias will be there who plays Travis, my mom, my sister and my girlfriend Lauren
and it's gonna be a really fun time,
you can come and meet us
and watch the screening and also make sure you buy a ticket to Stevie Boebi's
screening as well
Yeah I will link everything down below in the description
and I really hope to see you there!
Now without further ado let's get on into the questions and...
If you want to go follow my Instagram, I will put it
somewhere here
All of my other social media links will be in the description.
Make sure you like this video if you want to see more content like this and
subscribe *kiss*
So the first and probably most popular question I got was
"Is it worth the wait?"
"Is the long distance relationship worth the wait?"
and I think I can only respond to this in my own personal relationship
because every single relationship is different.
In my personal relationship it is
definitely worth the wait because I see myself being with her in the future and
breaking the distance eventually and I think if you can see yourself breaking
the distance with your partner, then it will be worth the wait
and if you do truly
really love this person, then I think it definitely is worth the wait.
Probably the second most popular question I got was
"What can you do to keep the momentum going?"
because you know, sometimes you go months without seeing each other and
it's really hard to stay connected
so something that my girlfriend and I
always do is we FaceTime at night because we know that that's when we're
gonna be free so we always check off like a time period from like 9:00 to
11:00 where we can just talk uninterrupted and thankfully we do have
the same time zone. She lives in the United States and I live in Canada but
we're both in Eastern time so at least we don't have the time zone barrier
which I'm sure many of you guys do.
You know, we're always texting during the day
and sending each other, like what we're eating for dinner or pictures from
our walk in the forest or crazy stories about what happened at work just
literally anything to keep in contact.
Plan a date when you get
to see them next and write that down your calendar
I actually have this app and it's a countdown clock so it shows like the
hours and days and minutes until your event
and I always write down the day
that I'm gonna see her and I'm always looking at it and texting her and being
like "Oh my gosh, eight more days!"
Right now, it's... I think it's like two days
until I get to see her so I'm super excited.
That keeps the momentum going
and it keeps things interesting and it just gives you something to look forward to.
This one's actually a really relevant question...
"What can I do if physical affection is my love language?"
That is really hard for me too because my-- the
main way that I feel love is by being physically close to someone and hugging
and kissing and cuddling and all that nice stuff but obviously when you're in
a long-distance relationship you can't do that all the time.
I think the next
best option is resorting to verbal affirmations such as "I love you" and
"I can't wait to see you" and "you mean so much to me" and just being grateful for
your partner verbally instead of, you know, being physically with them.
I think that's the next best option.
Also a really important thing to do is have
family and friends by your side at all times and keep busy with lunch dates
with your friends, movie nights with your mom, etc, whatever makes you happy do it!
I encourage you to focus on things that you love to do such as, you know, writing
music or going on walks, going to the beach or you know, maybe doing makeup
tutorials or doing things that just bring you joy when you're not with your
partner. I think it's a really good idea.
The next question is
"How do you decide where to meet up?"
So my girlfriend and I meet up
every month or so, sometimes it's more sometimes it's less
And
we'll alternate months so this month I'm going to where Lauren lives and next
month Lauren's coming to Toronto and we just alternate each month.
I mean we haven't really done this yet, but we'll book a trip together somewhere
cool and just explore and we don't need to go to each other's hometown we can go
elsewhere.
Someone else asked "Doesn't distance lessen your love?"
because sometimes distance helps you forget about someone.
That's a really good
question but I disagree because I think distance strengthens our love and
increases the desire to want to see each other again
and we're always missing each other which is good because it means that we
have feelings for each other, you know, if you didn't miss someone then....
maybe you don't want to see them again.
Distance can make the heart grow fonder
as the saying goes.
I also got a lot of questions about
"I'm worried that my partner is going to cheat. How do I trust them?"
and that's another question that is very subjective to your situation.
My situation is I know there's no way that either of us would cheat because
there's no one else we're looking at and all we see is each other and we would just
never do that -- we're not the type of people to do that.
It depends on your partner.
I don't know who y'all are dating but I hope you would trust them enough that
they wouldn't go and cheat on you while you're not together.
I can't really tell you how to trust someone it just depends on their character.
The next question is
"How do you enjoy your life when they're not around?"
Like I said before, keep busy with things that you love to do such as going
out with your friends, hanging out with your family, getting close to your loved ones...
You know, whatever hobbies or even your work. Get involved in your
hobbies and your work and whatever brings you joy because when you're not
with your partner, you need something else that's gonna bring you joy other
than them, so I'd say keep busy so that you don't have to miss them all the time
and think about how you miss them so much and it just becomes a cycle of missing someone.
Another thing is taking care of yourself. Practicing self-care on a daily
basis cultivates your relationship with yourself and you can't fully love
another person unless you love yourself first.
Someone else asked "What do I do if
they're not putting in enough effort and I'm putting in all the effort?"
I think communication is key and you need to bring that up to them if you're having
an issue with them. Communication is so important in long-distance relationships.
You always have to tell your partner what's wrong. You can't play that whole
game like "I'm fine don't worry about it" you need to be straight up with your
partner because nothing's ever gonna get fixed if you don't tell them and it's
not like they know because they're with you in a physical space, they're so far
away, maybe they don't know that something's wrong and the only way
it's gonna get better is if you bring it up to them. Talk to your partner. Have a
phone conversation, FaceTime them, Skype them, whatever you want to do. Talk to them.
Another question is "How can I tell if my feelings are changing? Sometimes
when you're far away from someone you don't know."
My advice for that is, if you are genuinely really excited to see them,
that's a good sign. That means that your feelings are the same and you still
really love this person. If just thinking about being with them, hugging them,
kissing them and everything makes you so happy
then I don't think your feelings have changed unless you find someone else
attractive and you're not interested in your partner anymore but if you
genuinely are excited to talk to them at the end of the night on FaceTime or your
face lights up when they text you, I don't think your feelings have changed but
that's also up to you and I can't tell you how you feel so that is up to you!
"Best part about long-distance relationships?" is another question.
My favorite part
about long-distance relationships is I feel like it just makes the connection
so much stronger and I know that this relationship is actually worthwhile
because we both want to put the effort in to see each other. We both want to
move in together someday.
It increases the drive to want to see each other and
be with each other. I love the feeling of, you know, not seeing my partner for a
month and then going to pick her up at the airport, like it's the best feeling!
If you know you know. It's the most amazing feeling ever.
Sometimes you take advantage of spending quality time with your partner if they
live in the same city as you, so this way you're always grateful
to see them and you're resonating from a place of appreciation.
And the last
question I'm gonna be answering today is
"Can long distance relationships work?"
They can work if you want them to work and if you put in the effort and if your
partner is putting in the effort. Honestly it's all effort and communication.
It'll work if it's supposed to work and if it's the divine
plan of your life.
They can work and I've-- I have so many friends who are in
long-distance relationships-- I even have friends that did long-distance for like
five years and now they're finally married and they wouldn't have been able
to be married right now if they didn't do long-distance for the five years and
it's a real test to a relationship but I think it's an important test and I think
long-distance relationships are really special in that way.
If you are in a
long-distance relationship, comment down below join the fam!
I know how hard it is sometimes so I will be really happy if you find this video
helpful and you just realize that you're not alone-- you're not the only
person in a long distance relationship. I am too! I do this to myself, but I'm so
glad I did because
if you're watching this Lauren,
I love you so much! *kiss*
To bits and pieces
Yeah, so comment down below if you're in an
LDR and what's your experience with it?
Are you enjoying it? Are you not enjoying it?
If you have any more questions, comment them down below. If you want me
to do a sequel to this video, let me know below, and once again make sure you buy
tickets to the screening of my short film and Stevie Boebi's short film.
I will be there. Come meet me! I'm so excited when I get to meet my fans and--
my followers, not even really my fans. My friends. Y'all are my friends.
Alright!
That is it for today and I love you so much. See you soon!
Bye!