[soft ambient outdoor sounds]
As a parent, you intend to love hard.
They grow in your stomach for nine months.
You give birth to them.
You love them. You care for them.
You teach them.
You nurse them.
You guide them.
I have done that, with all three of my children.
Only to have other people take them away from me.
To look at Crystal for the first time, was like wow.
I did this, I gave a life
I would wake her up in the middle of the night,
just to look at her, play with her, notice everything about her.
That night, I was having difficulty sleeping.
That was her first time, out to a party.
A friend of Crystal's, that she was with,
called me and said, something happened to Crystie.
Reporter:18 year old Chemere Crystal Roache was described as a dreamer.
A kind loving, generous girl, whose life was snuffed out,
through a senseless act of violence.
She was gunned down, fleeing a fight at a nightclub,
on March 20th 2002.
[sirens]
I couldn't get to see her, because she was shot in her head.
She got a bullet in her head. So...
[subway cars]
I didn't believe it at first, even though it's been told to me.
I just kept saying, It can't be real, no, can't be real.
I must have asked him about 30 times, if he's sure.
Few days after, then I had to go, like finally, have a look at her.
Seeing her, all wrapped up. Only her face is showing.
So, she's wrapped from head, to toe,
because of the head wound, so they cover all things.
Just show her face, her pretty face.
It was very hard to leave. It was like, oh my goodness, I'm leaving her.
Crystal's siblings, they were so devastated, so distraught.
It was hard, hard to see them suffering and I can't do anything about it.
You know, we would talk about it, or we would cry together.
I mean they were kids, how do kids really deal with a sibling,
that they born, and grow with,
and see, everyday of their life.
And then now that was like, ripped away from,
it's like ripping out someone's heart.
[bricks crumble and fall]
I know I keep a lot of my emotions, inside.
But I think, for me, that's the best way I know how to handle, my situation.
Yannick was very smart for his age.
As a child, every car that passed, he'd tell you what type, what model, what year.
So he was very wise.
Reporter:For the second time in 9 months, 37 year old,
Carole Roache has lost a child, to gun violence.
Her daughter, Crystal, was shot outside a Rexdale club.
And just two days ago, on Christmas Eve,
her 18 year old son, Yannick, was murdered outside
a high rise apartment, at Jane and Finch.
I got a phone call, that, Yannick, was shot.
So, when they let me into the hospital room,
where he was, he was already done, he was already dead.
They said he died instantly.
[train rumbles down tracks]
Couldn't believe, his lifeless body, just laying there.
I don't think I have, a word to say.
Like, it was just again, unbelievable.
Like, there is no words.
One minute they're here fine. The next minute they're not, so.
My life was, like, so empty, like.
There was so much things missing and that area is like,
nothing meant anything, to me anymore.
And then my third son, Jamal, it was just, very hard for him emotionally.
Very, very, hard for him.
He was lonely, he would look at me and say "Mum we don't have a big family anymore."
"It's just you and me now."
So I always, say to him, "Promise you'll never leave me."
He always believed that he was going to die when he was 18 as well.
So he deliberately just, never celebrated a birthday after that.
I mean, can you imagine, being a kid and have that weight on your shoulders?
Thinking that you're going to die, going through life, going to school,
playing with your friends, or what have you.
But have this burden of, on your shoulders,
thinking that you're going to die,
just like your siblings, when you reach 18.
That's a heavy weight for any child to carry.
My relationship, with Jamal, was very, very special.
We have a bond, so great, as mother and son.
I think because, I, I had more time with him, we'd never end a conversation,
without saying, I love you.
He had come and spent the whole entire day with me.
I cooked, dinner, for both of us.
Mashed potatoes with gravy and barbequed chicken.
One of his favourites.
He was enjoying it so much, he said "Mom, I love when you cook."
It was time for him to leave, and I watched him go down the hallway to the stairs,
where you exit out, to go to the, to catch the bus.
My last words to Jamal, was to walk good, and that I love you.
Reporter:Described as a genuine person,
who always kept his word, Jamal Roache had big dreams.
Those dreams ended last night, when he was shot and killed
at a strip mall, just shy of his 27th birthday.
Jamal was the last, and youngest of three siblings,
from the same family, who lost their lives to gun violence.
My door knocked, and it was a detective, and he said
"Jamal was killed last night, at 11:30."
And the police already identified him so,
I didn't get to see him, until after.
When the funeral home, received him from the coroner.
Only five minutes though, because they had to put him on ice.
So...
..I held him, and kissed him.
And told him not to worry, he'll be fine.
[unintelligible sound from TV]
I surprised myself sometimes, with the way, I bear these things.
And, go on with life, and not break.
At times I don't even know, who to mourn for, or how to feel.
You never get over, the situation, like this,
where all three of your kids, have been gunned down.
You can never get over something like this,
but you can, get through it.
# [sombre groove]
I'll always carry these feelings, and these memories of my children.
Crystal, Yannick and Jamal.
# #