- Yeah. The hand is supposed to be limp, right?
- Yeah but you gotta be like-
- You were- Oh!
(both laughing)
- You gotta go over the face!
- [Stevie] Guys! Guys.
(upbeat music)
- Good mythical morning!
- All right, listen up.
This is important.
Here at "Good Mythical Morning,"
we do not tolerate dishonesty!
- Unless it involves
me trying to cheat my way out of eating
cat food in a candy apple.
- Well, as I recall, we did not tolerate that either.
Did we, Stevie?
- [Stevie] Nope!
- That's right!
As we've established, though,
this is what we're here for today,
is the fact that you're a Reddit man, right?
- Oh, this is about me?
- Uh, well- - I'm a frequent-
No, I'm a frequent lurker of Reddit.
I wouldn't call myself a Reddit man.
- You a fan of the "Today I Learned" sub-Reddit?
- Uh, yeah. I like the "Today I Learned" sub-Reddit.
I like to think of it like a- If it-
If a "Jeopardy" episode were transcribed,
but the people playing were just basic.
- So you just sit in your bed and read that?
- Yeah. - Every night?
- It's much better. I know some of the things.
- Okay, well, hopefully you haven't read any of these.
'Cause today we're turning some of the craziest revelations
on the "Today I Learned" sub-Reddit into a game
that we may learn to not love so much.
It's time for "Today We Can Tell Some Big Little Lies!"
"But Who Can Lie Better, Link or This Guy?"
I'm this guy.
- And I'm Link!
And we're gonna- We're here!
We're going to learn some things!
Actually, we've been learning things.
We both independently have been scouring
the "TIL"
Reddit thread,
and picked our favorite facts
to now play our version of two truths and a lie.
We're each going to present two facts
and a lie that we've made up to the other person,
other person has got to guess what that lie is.
- If the guesser cannot guess the fake fact,
he will be given a punishment,
but if the guesser does guess correctly,
then the punishment will go back to the other person.
The other guy, that's me!
- And we do not know what any of these punishments are.
- That's no lie!
All right, I'm going to go first.
- All right. I'm ready.
(Rhett laughs)
- Link,
this is all about famous musicians.
- Magicians?
- [Rhett] Musicians. - Oh! Magicians.
- Today I learned Celine Dion recorded
"Titanic's" "My Heart Will Go On" in one take,
and the version we've all heard is essentially just a demo.
- Dang, girl! She could do that.
- Today I learned Steven Spielberg-
- Ah!
- Played the clarinet on the "Jaws" soundtrack,
which would technically make him a famous musician!
(both laughing)
- Oh, is that what it takes? - Yeah.
- You play a clarinet on your own soundtrack?
- And here's the third one.
Today I learned Gene Simmons, from the band Kiss,
didn't experience his first actual kiss until he was 24.
- Is that something that he would confess?
'Cause I'm down to B and C.
Would Gene Simmons-
Hm.
Is there a vulnerable side to Gene Simmons
that I don't know about?
What was B?
- Stephen Spielberg playing the clarinet
on the "Jaws" soundtrack. - Oh, that's definitely-
I think C is
the lie. - The lie?
- Gene Simmons, he was-
With that long of a tongue?
(Stevie laughs)
- You think he was making early use of it?
- Early action.
- You're right, Link!
That is the lie!
I don't know when Gene Simmons's first kiss was.
So I have to get punished?
- [Stevie] That means you get the punishment.
Humans aren't the only ones who like music,
dogs like getting down to cool tunes, as well!
Supposedly, a dog whistle emits a note so high-
- Hide your dogs!
- [Stevie] Humans can't hear it.
- Hold their ears! - [Stevie] So,
for Rhett's sake,
I hope that's the case,
because for your punishment,
Link will be blowing this dog whistle into your ear.
- I'll do it from here.
(dog whistle blows)
- It seems that I'm also getting punished.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I didn't think we hear that at all, though.
- There was spit coming out of it.
- Uh, that's uh-
- Like, it was like trailing-
Like, just like out of the clarinet-
- Steven Spielberg's clarinet?
- Steven Spielberg's clarinet, yeah.
That's what I was trying to say!
- That's what- That's Steven Spielberg's spit!
That's where I got this dog whistle.
- Put it on eBay! Sell it!
- All right, Rhett,
let's see how much you know about the mysteries
of the human body.
- The human body.
- Today I learned when you blink,
your brain treats it as a tiny nap,
giving the average-
Giving the average person
between 20,000 and 30,000 two tenths of a second naps
every day.
Or, today I learned that 0.1 percent of your shirt
ends up in your belly button annually.
Today I also learned that everyone has herpes,
including me, I know you're going to point that out,
that's why I'm going here.
but only the lip kind, and only-
But only some exhibit symptoms
because of a specific gene, called the CARD11 gene.
That gene is also related to symptoms of atopic dermatitis.
- Boy, that last one
would really screw up a running joke on this show,
because the whole "Link had herpes" would just become
everyone has herpes.
- And I felt that.
- But I've also thought for many- For many years-
Many moons that I must also have herpes,
as many times as we've eaten after each other.
(Stevie laughs)
- But I don't have symptoms.
- Does everyone have herpes?
- It's because I don't have the right pair of genes.
- I need an answer. Which one is the lie?
- The 0.1 percent of the belly of a shirt? Like-
That's a whole lot of shirt in a belly button.
99.9 percent is a lot, but 0.1 is a whole lot of shirt.
I think everybody's got herpes.
And I think the lie is the belly button shirt.
- Thank you for believing in me,
but no, I'm different, Rhett.
I'm one of the few, the proud with the herpes.
(buzzer blaring)
- But maybe you do have it, I don't know.
Yeah.
A 10th of a percent of your shirt
ends up in your belly button annually.
- I do not believe that. - [Stevie] Okay, Rhett,
get ready for your closeup.
Since we now know that everyone's get shirt lint-
Gets shirt lint in their belly buttons,
you must reveal to the camera
how much is stuck in yours with a belly button close up.
- You saw this coming.
Give it a Yankee.
- [Rhett] I got none.
I got none, guys.
- [Link] Did you- - [Rhett] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I do not have any.
I showered today.
- See if this dog whistle can be blown by your belly button.
- Oh, but it's got Steven Spielberg spit on it.
- All right, ask me one, man.
- Man.
This one's about pain.
Today I learned paper cuts are so painful
because at a microscopic level,
paper is actually quite rough.
Paper also leaves behind tiny fibers and chemical residues,
irritating the wound even more.
- Hm.
- Today. I learned the Mayo Clinic
determined that the most painful place to get stabbed
is in the bottom of the foot.
(Link scoffs)
- Today I learned Texas law states
that any two individuals who feel the need to fight
can agree to mutual combat.
- Paper cut? Boy, that-
That makes sense to me.
What was B?
- The Mayo Clinic determined- - Oh yeah!
The Mayo Clinic's, like,
stabbing people all over the place,
and then determining-
"Where did it hurt the most?"
"Now I just stabbed you everywhere."
- Well, I mean- I mean, I'd ask somebody that.
- I think B, Mayo Clinic.
- You're right.
It's a lie.
- Okay. - [Stevie] So, Link,
that means you get to administer the ultimate combination
of pain and humiliation to Rhett,
the infamous "stop hitting yourself."
Which does- Yep. (Link laughs)
- Yeah! Stop- Stop hitting yourself!
Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!
Stop hitting yourself! Stop closing your fist!
- It's funny how-
- Stop hitting yourself!
- You're hurting my hand more than you're hurting my face.
- How do you do it?
- Well, I was a little brother, so I had it done to me.
You have to make sure that they keep it-
- Yeah, the hands supposed to be limp, right?
- Yeah, but you gotta, like-
- You were-
(both laughing)
- You gotta go for the face!
- [Stevie] Guys! Guys!
- What? - [Stevie] Guys.
- I let- You know what?
I'm winning, so I just let him
"stop hitting my face" me.
Fun facts about doggies! You ready for this?
Today I learned dogs are as intelligent
as the average two year old child.
Researchers have found that dogs are capable
of understanding up to 250 words and gestures,
can count up to five,
and can perform simple mathematical calculations.
Today. I learned that Elvis Presley
left 20 percent of his music royalties
to his three dogs, Sherlock, Brutus, and Snoopy.
They have all passed away,
and now the royalties are donated
to various animal rescue organizations.
And, today I also learned
dogs get sprayed by skunks so often
because skunks lift their tails as a warning.
Dogs see this as a, "Come and smell my butt."
Which is the exact opposite message
from what the skunk is trying to convey.
- The first one is definitely true, unless it's like-
Unless you're throwing me off with the actual age,
but all this stuff you said about dogs, is true.
So, Elvis was a- He was a strange man.
We took a tour of his home. Remember that?
- Yeah.
The tour was strange.
It was like they were hiding something.
- And it does feel like the kind thing that he's like,
"20 percent to the dogs."
(Rhett laughs)
You know?
It's like-
- What would he have sounded like?
- "20 percent to the dogs."
(Rhett laughs)
- He's like dictating his will.
- That doesn't even sound anything like Elvis.
Uh-
What was the last one? The- The skunk!
Man, when a skunk lifts his tail dogs are not stupid.
They're as smart as a two year old!
We already know that!
- You ever seen a two year old run up to a upturned tail?
- So I think it's the skunk one is a lie.
(Link sighs)
- You're wrong, Rhett.
It's freaking Elvis?
- The lie is Elvis, yeah.
Dogs go towards that butt hole, man.
- [Rhett] I don't believe that.
- If it's exposed,
they will impose. (computer chimes)
- Yes! - Somebody at the door?
- [Stevie] Okay! That was me!
We love featuring cat food on the show,
but it's been too long since dog food
had its moment in the spotlight.
So Rhett, open wide, it's time to let the dog food inside.
- If you give me a whole spoon, it ain't all going down.
(crew laughs)
- Hey man, I'm- This could have been me.
I didn't choose the amount. I'm just here.
Oh, you want me to?
You want me to feed?
(Rhett gags)
(Stevie laughs)
- Oh, I didn't know if it was real.
Turns out it is!
- Oh, gosh!
- It had a lump of something in it-
- It's so organ-y!
- Does it- It had a peanut in it.
- [Stevie] To clarify, you have never eaten fake dog food
or cat food on this show.
- Oh, what, it's real?
- [Stevie] It all has been real.
- It had a peanut in it!
- I'm O for four.
Okay.
This is about celebrities and the adorable things they do.
(both laughing)
- Okay.
- Today I learned Kate Winslet
keeps her Oscar in the bathroom so her guests can hold it
and make acceptance speeches
in the mirror without feeling self conscious.
- That's sweet.
- Today I learned Bill Murray loves owls so much
that he funded an owl wellness sanctuary
in Charleston, South Carolina.
- Hm.
- Today I learned Martin Short, Steve Martin,
and Tom Hanks have a regular colonoscopy party
where they prep together overnight
and share one car on the ride to get their colonoscopies
the next day.
- That would be amazing.
Cause they- They kicked out Chevy Case as the amigo,
and they added Hanks.
Ah-
I think Kate Winslet- I'm going with B, faults.
- You think that Bill Murray loves owls?
- Yeah. That- I- 'Cause I believe the Winslet, too.
- Dang, Link! You're good at this, man!
- You're getting a lot of punishments.
- You know what it is?
It's 'cause you-
You've seen all these, 'cause you go on Reddit so much!
It's- You're a cheater!
- No, I promise I haven't seen any of them.
- [Stevie] Okay, Rhett.
Because you lost again,
you must tell us- - My life is built on lies.
- [Stevie] The name of one celebrity
you believe you're more famous than.
- Say what? I have to come up with one celebrity
I feel like I'm more famous?
- [Stevie] Yeah.
- Whoever you say- - [Rhett] I think I-
- Is gonna get to them on Twitter.
- Man, um-
That girl that dated,
um-
Uh-
Somebody-
She was on that "Too Hot to Handle" show on Netflix,
and then she started dating-
Oh, she started dating Tana Mongeau.
That girl. See, I don't even know her name.
I'm more famous than her.
- Okay. That's seems like a safe one.
- Yeah.
(crew laughs)
- Is it my turn?
- I got it- I want to get one right, man!
(Link sighs)
- Then let's go to the movies, Rhett.
Today I learned in 1998,
Sony had the chance to buy the rights
to almost every Marvel character for 25 million.
They opted to buy only the rights to Spiderman
for just 7 million, stating, quote,
"Nobody gives a bleep about the other Marvel characters."
- What year?
- 1998.
Today, I also learned
an early script for "Back to the Future"
featured Marty hiding in a lead line fridge
to survive a nuclear blast.
It did not make it to the final version,
so Steven Spielberg and his clarinet
would later use the same idea for "Indiana Jones."
I also learned that the reason the superhero movie "Shazam!"
has an exclamation point in the title,
is because Warner Brothers Pictures
was sued by Apple for trademark infringement
of their popular music finding app,
also called "Shazam," with no exclamation point.
The Sony thing makes sense to me,
'cause I know that there was the issue
with Sony and Marvel, and-
But, 25 million? I don't know, 1998.
I feel like it's either "Back to the Future"
or
"Shazam!",
and I'm just going to go with the fact that
the Shazam music service was after-
Isn't "Shazam!" the movie with like, Shaq?
- [Stevie] That was "Kazam." - The exclamation point.
- "Kazam" was Shaq?
- [VOICE] Yeah. - Oh!
(Rhett laughs)
- "Kazam" and "Shazam!"
They should get together!
- Uh, okay.
Then I guess I'm going with "Back To the Future"
as the lie.
- No, "Shazam!" is the lie.
(Rhett hits table)
(all laughing)
- [Stevie] Okay, for this last punishment,
again, I don't know if it's for us or for you,
but I need you to pretend to be a major Hollywood actress
auditioning for Hollywood's next big horror movie
and give us your best "Scream Queen" impression
right into the camera.
- And if you're gonna scream, I'm gonna be ready.
(Rhett screams)
(crew laughs)
- It's just me, your boyfriend.
- "Kazam," "Shazam!" Dazam.
- Thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell.
- You know what time it is.
- Hi, meanwhile,
I'm in the beautiful city of Krakow, Poland,
and I just got my master's degree!
Which basically means I'm still miserable,
but now I've got a document to prove it.
And now it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
(both laughing)
- We should hang out, man!
Bring that master's degree over here,
just so we can hang out!
- All right, click the top link to find out
which embarrassing moments we would lie about
in "Good Mythical More."
- And if I know
where the Wheel of Mythicality's gonna land.
Get these tees shipped Prime,
by heading over to amazon.com/mythical.