I was under the impression when you only see members
of your community on the internet and never in real life,
you're thinking what if this is just a group
of pink-haired, 13 year olds on Tumblr.
You have no way to tell what the community actually is,
whether the people you see on the internet,
whether that's the whole demographic.
Not only was I the only Black girl in my class,
but I was also the Black punky girl in my class
and people would say that - they'd call me weird
and they'd call me a mosher and they'd call me a coconut.
So asexuality means experiencing little
to no sexual attraction,
so I like to describe it as being the sexual orientation
that just isn't oriented anywhere.
So, it is a spectrum, like all of sexuality,
so there are some asexual people
who might experience sexual attraction very rarely,
there are some that might never experience it,
there are some asexual people that would not engage
in any kind of sexual activity and there are some who would.
I happen to not experience romantic attraction either,
I'm what they call aromantic, but there are asexual people
who are, as we say, homo-romantic, or bio-romantic
or hetero-romantic and they still have romantic relationships
and everything, so there is a whole wide range
of asexual experiences out there.
It wasn't really until I, probably 2019,
when I actually met other asexual people,
more than just the odd one person
and I saw a large group of them at an asexuality conference
and I was like, this is literally like you just picked
random people off the street and put them in a room.
I was under the impression when you only see members
of your community on the internet and never in real life,
you're thinking, what if this is just a group
of pink-haired 13 year olds on Tumblr,
you have no way to tell what the community actually is,
whether the people you see on the internet,
whether that's the whole demographic.
And in that sense I would have been like,
well is this a thing?
But then when I saw the asexual community
is literally just a whole bunch of normal people
that have this one thing in common,
there is no pattern and I was like, okay,
I feel like I'm getting along with you guys,
this is what I had hoped for
and I just wish that other people got to see
the asexual community the way I did,
or the way people within the community get to see us
because that's just a great way to debunk
all those stereotypes and misconceptions
that you're taught about it.
I don't think people really believed it
until I was already doing my activism
and it was printed in Metro newspaper
with the words: This Is What Asexual Looks Like
with a three-page spread of my face on it,
that's when it was like, oh Yasmin, you just came out.
No, I told you this five years ago,
you just didn't believe me.
But people believe what they read in the newspaper,
so I feel like that was when I properly,
successfully, came out.
I mean, being described as the "face of asexuality" is very,
I mean, it's flattering, it's not a title
I ever expected to have.
I guess the community saw something in me
before I saw it in myself
and they just really supported me and amplified me
and thought I would be a good person
to spread this message and I think,
one positive to come out of it is I think it challenges
people's expectations about asexuality.
So, I've always been told that I don't "look asexual",
which suggests to me that whatever people are picturing
is the opposite of me.
I feel like people picture more of a Sheldon Cooper, kind of, vibe.
Just someone who, they expect you to be very awkward
and very shy and unable to socialise properly
and people think if you don't experience
sexual attraction to other people,
then you must be a black hole of sexual attractiveness.
You must be repelling that,
no one should ever find there
to be anything interesting about you.
So, especially being a model I think people find it harder
to wrap their heads around
and they definitely don't seem to picture Black people,
particularly Black women as being asexual.
And then I had a weird experience in the media
where I saw the ways that the media was very eager
to represent the asexual community
as being very unfortunate,
these strange aliens struggling to function in our society
and that's when I was like, I feel like we should speak out
about this, I feel like we should try and shift
this narrative and take the agency back
and I feel like that lit a fire under me
to talk about things more and at the same time,
people started taking an interest
and then when I finished my masters degree I thought,
why not do this more often now that I have the time?
I've experienced so much acephobia
that's it's hard to even pinpoint
which one would be the worst example,
it's weird, 'cause when you- I get it online
and then there's sometimes where you do get it in real life.
People theorise, oh well, you probably just got molested
as a kid or you're probably just evil and heartless
and all those kind of things.
You get those stereotypes and then,
in real life I feel like it's always really daunting,
especially as a women.
You get an instance where guys will hit on you
and sometimes, usually I try and dodge the subject,
but sometimes I do try and say, actually, I'm asexual,
it's nothing to do with you, it's not a reflection of you,
this isn't gonna happen and I've had instances
where guys have got pretty mad about it.
But most of the acephobia I get is online
and unfortunately, a fair chunk of it comes from within
the LGBTQ+ community unfortunately.
I'll be like, yeah, I had a great time at Pride
or had a great time speaking at this Pride event
where I'll suddenly get people being like,
you're not supposed to be there,
why do you think you can be there?
People think you're anti-sexuality,
and you're gonna come in there and say,
stop talking about sex, stop being proud of your sexuality,
stop doing everything, we're gonna ruin it.
When in reality, you can be sex positive
and asexual and we're just there to feel empowered
like everybody else.
I get a lot of messages from people who say,
oh yeah, just seeing that article you did
in the newspaper,
I discreetly handed that to my grandmother.
(laughs)
And now that's changed things for us
or that made me feel comfortable talking about this
to people or helped my family to understand
or helped me to feel more comfortable in myself
and I particularly get that from Black asexual people
who are like, I didn't really feel like I really fit
but then seeing you in this community
made me feel more comfortable and more represented,
so things like that are the highlights for me.
I want this award to convey that the asexual community
is part of the LGBTQIA+ community
and we're here to stay and we're not a threat,
we're not here to ruin anything, we're not a danger.
Asexual activists have existed for a really long time,
but I can't think of an instance ever
where an asexual activist has been nominated
or considered or won anything like this before.
So this is, I feel like, a pretty pivotal moment
and a great way to exemplify asexual inclusion
within the LGBTQ+ community
because for some reason, that is a contentious topic
and I feel like this makes a pretty cool statement,
so I feel like this is definitely my proudest achievement
and not something I saw coming.