- Hey guys, I've got Lucy with me again.
Aren't you lucky?
Just, like, so much Lucy on my channel right now.
It's great.
So the last video that we did together
was an episode of Drunk Advice,
but it was in the spirit of drunk.
- Because I am two months sober.
- Exactly.
- Actually, can I check my days?
- Ooh, yeah. - 56 days.
- Yay!
(both applaud)
Basically, I have a whole series
where I drink on the internet,
and I drink a lot of alcohol, and if you haven't seen,
Lucy made a video recently about,
what do you want to call it?
Your alcohol problem?
Addiction? - Yeah, yeah,
I say "alcohol problem," 'cause I don't know
if I'm addicted, and also I'm very reluctant
to believe I'm addicted,
which is kind of like
the problem. - That's part of
the whole thing.
- And I used to drink a lot.
I think we, we're both known on the internet
for drinking a lot.
I was known, I had a reputation for being hungover
within my subscriber base. - Did you?
- Yeah, always.
They'd be like, if I couldn't put out a video,
"Are you hungover?"
Always.
So I drank a lot as well.
We drink in a very similar way,
in terms of the environments in which we drink,
not in terms of how we drink.
- I thought this would be just a good chance
to just chat generally about alcohol
from someone newly sober and someone
who is still continuing to drink
and is like kind of watching my friend
go through this thing.
- Yeah, 'cause I'm curious what you think of it all as well.
- I think, for me, it was like,
it just suddenly happened, I think.
So, like, I always knew you just behaved
a bit differently when you were drunk and you drank a lot,
but I think often because when you were drinking,
I was drinking too, didn't notice, or if
there was anything to notice. - Yeah, it completely knocks
your perception, and since being sober,
I've realised how differently people
behave when they're drunk, and how I think--
- What am I like?
- Oh, you're just louder, you're more everything.
- So one of the questions that I have,
and I think maybe a lot of people
who are witnessing your journey on this might have
is how to differentiate between drinking a lot,
'cause I definitely drink a lot,
and not just a lot in terms of quantity,
'cause I would say if I'm at a party,
quantity I'll drink a lot, but also how often
I'll drink is also a lot.
So how to differentiate between that,
and actually recognising if there might be a problem.
- Yeah, that's a really good question.
I get asked it a lot.
- Do you have an answer at this point?
- I do, I have a couple of,
there's kind of a criteria that can be filled
if you ask yourself a couple of questions.
- Oh, okay, what are the questions?
Is this like an official thing or a Lucy thing?
- This is an AA thing, but I think it can be applied,
and I think as well, after answering those questions,
then using your own judgement.
So there's set of something like 14 questions,
but one of the big ones is,
"When you start drinking, can you stop?"
- Yes.
- You are good at that. - You were a no on that one.
- I was complete no, you are a complete yes.
I've seen you do it, I've seen have four or five drinks.
Yeah, four or five, that's quite a few,
and then go, "Okay, it's midnight, I'm going home."
Another question is, "Is drinking making your life unhappy?"
Like, is it causing more problems than it is solving?
Well, it shouldn't solve any problems.
It doesn't solve any problems, spoiler alert.
"Is drinking affecting your reputation?"
- Ooh, interesting.
- Obvious stuff, "Is it jeopardising your job,
"your productivity, your family relationships?
"Is it jeopardising anything in your life?"
And for me, it was starting to encroach on that,
and if I'd continued at the rate I was drinking,
it would've, Veg wouldn't happen, Moonuary would not happen.
- You just went straight into being sober.
- Yeah, but that was because of the gift of desperation.
(laughs)
- Rock bottom.
- Yeah, I needed a kick up the bum.
Everything went wrong,
and I was like "Fuck, this is the only way
"I can foresee me progressing as a person right now.
"Everything in my life is good other than alcohol."
And I finally was like, "Okay, I identify the problem."
And I suspected I had a problem
for a couple of years beforehand.
- I remember you mentioning it,
but never really believing you,
but, again, that comes down to me
always also being drunk when you're drunk.
- Yeah, and society in general
has a concept of an alcoholic, and I don't fit it.
So many of my behaviours are reflected
in so many other people's drinking habits,
and so many other people have reached out to me
and said, "I think I have a problem as well."
But they don't want to face up to it.
They just wanna keep drinking,
and it will take for them to hit
a rock bottom for them to stop.
There's one more thing that's important to mention
in terms of asking yourself if you have an alcohol problem,
and that is, "Do you blackout when you drink?"
- Oh, so when you don't remember anything?
- Yeah, that is me always, and it actually turns out
that that's a sign of alcoholism.
If you're blacking out every time.
I don't know, so there's something genetically,
if you're an alcoholic, there's a genetic issue.
There's an actual, like, alcoholic gene,
which is really interesting.
So I don't know if I have that,
because on some level I'm okay when I drink.
It's something like about four times out of 10, it's fine,
six times out of 10, it's not.
- Oh, that's interesting,
'cause I've never blacked out.
I always remember.
- 'Cause I can't remember pretty much anything
from about two drinks and beyond.
But in a group environment now,
if I met someone, if they say,
"Oh, Lucy, how are you?"
And I don't know who they are, I have to say,
"Were we drunk when I met?
"Because I don't remember you at all."
- So, as your friend, and just your
other friends as well, what can we do?
When we go out together, how do you feel
about being around alcohol?
And do you think it would be better for you
if we all just went about our evening normally
as we would, or if, in solidarity,
some of us also didn't drink?
Like, how does that play into what would be helpful to you?
- Each to their own.
For me, personally, I've been in alcohol environments
all of my teenage and adult life.
Although I do associate them with alcohol,
they are a part of my routine,
and I actually need to not feel like I'm being ostracised.
I'm an extrovert, I need to feel involved,
and also the normalisation of me not drinking
in those environments was really important to me.
- And also we've got loads of friends
that just don't drink anyway,
and still come out with us and do
the same things with us. - Yeah, exactly.
And I'm lucky enough that I've known one or two,
or a couple of people who don't drink at all
and are able to do those environments for my whole life.
- Is it hard?
- Oh, it's exhausting, because it's
having your willpower exercised every single time
you stand at a bar, every single time.
The worst, for me, is when I'm at a house party,
and there are just bottles of vodka out.
- And no one would notice you.
- No one would notice if I went to pour myself a Coke,
and I added in a double shot of rum,
and that is really hard.
And you come home absolutely exhausted,
because you've spent all this energy on not drinking.
- Rather than the energy on enjoying yourself and yeah.
- Exactly, but it is getting easier.
It is a case of exercising, 'cause willpower's
like a muscle, and so the more I exercise it,
the stronger I get.
- What is your now go-to drink in a bar?
- Ooh, I like soda and blackcurrant.
Sometimes they give you Vimto as a little tasty treat.
Your local gives me Vimto.
Diet Coke became a real norm.
If they do mocktails, I'll always have a mocktail.
- Oh, nice, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And sparkling water, 'cause it's actually,
and this shows how bad society is,
the problem is people who actively contend it.
- Oh, what do you mean?
- So, who were like, "You don't have an alcohol problem,
"when are you gonna start drinking again?"
Those people, and they are prominent,
and they will be prominent. - Oh really?
- Oh my god, yeah, like my old housemates.
- Well, I think it took me a bit of convincing
when you were like, "I'm going sober."
I was just like, "Wait, so that means
"you can't just have one drink with dinner?"
(laughs)
- But that is like, society,
and I've come to realise there's a really,
there is a problem with society as astute to alcohol,
and it's not an individual person thing,
because those people are just fast.
The people who are your real friends.
Your real friends.
Whereas other people will consistently ask
when you're gonna start drinking again.
"But we've seen you have one glass of wine?
"Like, I know you can just have one glass of wine."
I'm like, "Yeah, when there's no other alcohol there."
As soon as you give me like--
- When the source has been drained.
- Exactly, that's when I have my one glass of wine.
As soon as you're not antagonistic, you're helping.
As soon as it becomes normalised,
as soon as it stops becoming a question
in terms of, "Are you drinking tonight?"
Also, just not using language that's like,
"Let's get fucked up!
"Let's get really smashed,
"can't wait to get smashed." - To be honest, I don't think
I use that anymore. - You don't.
- I don't think I have since uni.
- I don't know anyone,
really, that does. - I do enjoy getting
drunk still, but I don't think I ever
plan on getting drunk.
I always plan on having a good time.
So, like, for New Year's Eve, I was just like,
"Whoo! Let's have a party, let's have a great time!"
Like, that involved getting drunk for me,
but it wasn't like, "My plan is to get smashed."
- Exactly, and there are some people
who will go like, "Let's get so wasted."
Or people that make it seem like,
'cause for me, the association
between alcohol and fun is really strong.
So when people, if it's like,
"We're gonna have a great party!"
I'm like, "Yeah!"
If they're like, "Oh, we're going to get so drunk,
"it's gonna be so fun."
That's when I'm like,
"Uh, I'm gonna have so little fun."
- How do you get through that wall of like,
"Everyone is drunk around me, I'm not on their level,
"how do I participate in this experience?"
- A lot of it is about the people you're with,
and that's not what you wanna hear.
- No, no, I like it then.
- But it is.
If the people around you are wasted
and having great time, but in a real,
like they give you energy kind of people,
then you will have a great time, and it doesn't matter.
If you are in a really loud bar,
everyone's really mellow, they're drinking basically
because they feel they have to,
or because there's an obligation to drink,
also a desire to drink away the experience
you're currently having, then I just go home.
Being held accountable, everyone in my life
now knows that I'm not drinking,
and now, I have all these people around me
who are like, "You're not getting back there again."
- One of the other things I wanted to talk
about was your coping mechanisms,
and also when you give something up,
sometimes you try and replace it with other things
that are equally harmful to you.
(Both laugh)
- Uh, yeah.
- Do you wanna talk about that or?
- Yeah, I do, I do.
I substituted a lot.
My plan is to substitute with exercise.
- Okay, but what are you currently substituting with?
- So currently, Diet Coke.
Diet Coke is actually, like, I crave Diet Coke now.
I've never had a thing for fizzy drinks,
I've never enjoyed Coke,
and now there's definitely something in that shit.
What else would I? - Going out?
- Yeah, going out.
This was something that I noticed really recently
as well over December, I went sober in November.
Had to do all of December, all of Christmas parties,
all of New Year's, and I found that going out
and having the buzz of the fun, wrecking my sleep schedule,
not eating enough, spending hours out in the evenings
in clubs, in horrible clubs
where you can smell people's farts
when you're sober, just so you know.
Yeah, that is the worst part about going out.
And staying out 'til three A.M. or four A.M.
and doing that over and over.
- What I assumed would happen
if someone gives up alcohol, goes sober,
is that suddenly everything is fixed, you know?
Oh, it's great, they're sober now, happy days.
But it's like, you're living proof
that it's a process.
- Oh, it's such a process, oh my god.
- Yeah, and just because you've now gone sober,
that doesn't mean that new problems are gonna arise
because you're filling a hole,
and then you have to try and tackle those as well,
and still keep up the sobriety and everything.
- Yeah, nothing goes away.
I was really reluctant to believe that there's
always a reason that someone has a problem with alcohol,
that it's never the actually alcohol that's the problem,
there's more, or something else underlying,
but there is something else underlying,
because otherwise you wouldn't be engaging
in such a self-destructing habit multiple times over.
- It's interesting as well,
because I feel like getting wasted
and having all of these crazy stories
is fashionable as well.
- Oh my god, it's so glamorised.
- And especially because you can tell all these stories,
like, "Oh my god, here's this crazy thing
"I did when I'm drunk."
And you're a hero.
- Yeah, for me the biggest battle of all of them
is that it's fashionable, it's glamorised,
it's cool to Instagram your wine
and a packet of cigarettes, you know?
That coolness of like,
"Oh, we're just having a glass of wine,"
for some reason really gets me.
Find your support networks and
that doesn't just mean family and friends.
I'm talking Alcoholics Anonymous,
I'm talking therapy, I'm talking Narcotic Anonymous,
I'm talking whatever groups around you exist
for alcohol, or doctors, counsellors,
any professional or community help.
Church, even church.
Find those communities where you feel
loved and supported and safe.
- Advice, do you have any advice for people?
- Yeah, if you're worried about your drinking,
think about it, let yourself consider
that you might want to maybe have a month of sobriety.
Maybe two weeks. - Well, you tried that.
You had a month of sobriety before you hit rock bottom.
- I tried to, I managed three weeks,
and that was also, I was hitting issues,
so I was like, "Oh, I'll try being sober for a little bit."
Sometimes, you do need the fear of God
put into you to get you sober.
And talk to people about it.
If you're worried about drinking, talk to people.
And not everyone's gonna be receptive,
but it weeds out your friends real fast.
- Wow, sure. - Yeah.
(both laugh)
- And on that note, thank you guys for watching.
Please give the video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it,
and go head to Lucy's channel,
because she's doing daily videos in January
and we filmed one all about organisation,
so alcohol and sobriety is her expertise,
organisation is mine,
and she asked me questions about that on her channel.
- It was well exciting, got an organisation
boner from that. - How to stay organised.
Don't forget to subscribe
'cause I make new videos every week,
and we'll see you soon.
Bye! - Bye!