So I was talking to a client the other day and you want to know how do, how can you forgive
himself for the breakup, for, for what happened?
You know, we were talking about things and, we discovered that he still had a lot of guilt,
a lot of, emotional baggage that, that he, had not let go of yet.
He had not yet forgiven himself for what he did in the relationship that led up to the
breakup.
And I want to talk a little bit about that, today.
So when it comes to forgiving yourself, you have to realize that, that you are likely
doing the best that you could do in your relationship with the knowledge that you had with, you
know, your own emotional capacity at the time.
With, with everything that you had at your disposal.
You know, you did the best that you could at the time.
And, and you should just because things are different now, just because you know, you
may have more information now, you may have a better emotional capacity, you may have
more tools at your disposal.
Just because you have that now, you shouldn't beat yourself up in the past because you didn't
have that.
You know, it's, it's like when you, when you're a kid or something like that, you know, you,
you won't, how to do simple arithmetic, addition, subtraction and stuff like that.
And then, you know, the next year in school you learn how to do multiplication and division
and, you know, all the way up to, you know, probably in high school or something you do
to Algebra or calculus or geometry.
And it would be foolish to, to look at, you know, however far you got a, for me it was
calculus in college.
and say, you know, I, I, I really regret not knowing calculus when I was in third grade.
Because you know, I would've been able to solve those math problems so much faster.
I would have been able to just blow through homework that, that, you know, took me like
an hour or two.
I could have just done it in like 15 minutes, 10 minutes, just cause you know, I know so
much more about math now.
I can just blow through it so fast.
But, but that's not really, that's not really productive to do that because, you know, yes.
Theoretically it would be possible back then somehow if I had the like mental capacity
back when I was in third grade to wrap my mind around, the, the advanced mathematical
concepts of Calculus.
You know, yeah, I could theoretically have done my homework a lot faster, a lot more
efficiently, and had had a much more easy time with it.
But, but that's not productive that, you know, at the time I was doing my homework, I used
the skills that I had at my disposal and that was addition, subtraction and third grade.
I don't think I had multiplication and division yet.
I might be wrong.
I don't remember exactly when I learned that.
But, but still, I did the best with what I could at the time.
And you know, I got whatever grade I got in math and then as I moved on, I learned new
skills that made things easier.
And the same is true with you and your relationship?
You know, just because you were closed off emotionally or something like that, you still
did the best that you could do with that situation when you were together before the breakup,
when the breakup happened.
Just because you are closed off emotionally.
It's not like, it's not like you went out of you and you're all right, I'm just going
to have, I'm just going to be like disconnected from my feelings and I'm just gonna, you know,
act like a total jerk to completely sabotage my relationship.
Now you, you didn't do that consciously.
You were likely trying to do the best that you could with what you had at the time.
And you know, may, maybe you, you've advanced since then.
Hope we've advanced since then.
but, but don't beat yourself up because of that.
Cause you know, you did the best that you could have with your time and there's no reason
to feel guilty about that.
There's no reason to, to like harbor all this baggage because of that.
And I think that's where forgiveness comes from.
That's where being able to forgive yourself comes from.
Because most people, they try to do what they think is going to give them the best possible
outcome in any situation.
You know, people don't consciously go out and, and try to get subpar results in life.
People don't consciously go out and try to like fail at life.
Everyone tries to create a positive outcome and, you know, maybe they, maybe they're misguided
or maybe they fail, along the way.
But, but everyone's trying to create something positive and, and you should recognize that
in yourself and you should forgive yourself for any, any, any missteps that you made along
the way because you were doing the best that you could at the time.
So I hope that gives you permission to let go of any, gilts that you might have about
your breakup or anything else that you may be going through.
And, I hope that helps you out.
If you'd like to learn more about, how to get through a breakup, how to get back together
after a breakup, please head on over to relationshipinnergame.com and sign up there.
Thanks.