hello lovelies welcome to not be formula my name is freedom thank you for joining me
um today's episode is about the 10 red flags to watch out for when you're going out on your first
date or when you're first starting to date someone this is for anyone who has been in a relationship
with a narcissist before anyone who is concerned about being in a relationship with a narcissist
these are the red flags to watch out for um before i start excuse the mess in the background i'm in
the middle of rearranging my house and i had to do a video today so just please bear with the mess
all right lovelies let's get down to it so i've got some notes here all right so
number one the probably the key actually i would say this is probably the key um when you're on
your date ask him about his ex find out how he treats his ex because if he says that you know
or that his ex was crazy and it turns out all of it all of his exes were crazy huge red flag sure
maybe having one crazy ex sure maybe but you know all my exes were crazy you know kind of makes you
think well what is the common denominator you know is it you that drove all your exes crazy
probably okay that's number one number two or also so sorry back up so with this so if his ex is
ringing while he's at the date with you or if he talks about her still ringing still coming around
that means it's not over that means he's trying to maneuver into something new before ending um what
he's actually in now so that's a red flag whether he's a narcissist or not you know you can't
actually move forward into a healthy relationship if you're already in a relationship all right
point number two um so if he um is high or gets drunk these are two red flags at the best of times
but especially so when dealing with narcissists because often narcissists have sorry i won't
say often i'll say there's a higher rate of drug abuse within narcissists within people
suffering from narcissistic personal disorder and the thing is that narcissists will hide
that information so if they are getting too drunk on the first date um or if they turn up
and admit to being on drugs huge red flag which leads me to the red flag number three so if
he's all if he's talking about financial problems if he's always broke you know this is another
red flag where is his money going because the thing is you know when we when we start these
new relationships or we start dating someone we have an idea of what we want this person to be
and we try and make them fit it and what we end up doing is overlooking some really big red flags and
you need to stay reality based okay there's no point in fantasizing about this person and making
them into your perfect man when actuality all you're doing is overlooking red flags that will
further on down the track turn around and bite you on the ass all right darlings
number four uh if he's been to jail before now this is not to say that everyone who you know
goes to jail is you know that's it they're a bad egg so i've just got a cat hair on my lips rather
annoying um this is not to say that everyone who goes to jail you know write them off they're a bad
egg however you need to know why they went to jail and you need proof so if someone says to you that
they've been to jail do not just take their word on it because the thing is the masters will lie to
you because let's say that they know that you're going to or they suspect that you're going to hear
that they've been to jail that's the only reason a narcissist would actually tell you that they have
been to jail is they were pre-empting the fact that you were going to hear it from someone else
right so they put their little spin on it they tell you their version of events
but if you hear he's been to jail you need to find the proof of exactly why he went to jail
okay domestic abuse you know is different from having a fight at the pub with a man
you know a man equal size and strength the thing is um a narcissist will tell you oh you know or
i went to jail you know because i got into a fire department failing to mention that it was actually
domestic abuse so get the evidence all right number five this is a big one okay if he lies
if you catch him out on a lie in the early days first date or first few times you know whatever
pay attention to what he is saying and if he lies at this point in the game you know i mean
that's a huge red flag you know liars lie and if he lies now he's going to continue to lie and
it doesn't matter what the lies are about the fact is that he is lying okay so huge red flag
number six if he's got a short temper a volatile temper so you know usually a narcissist will
manage to kind of keep this under control for at least the first three months but you might notice
it not directed at you necessarily but he might for example i don't know just say you know he's
trying to get something out of the boot of the car and something's getting caught or he can't
you know get it out properly or you know there's some level of annoyance and frustration so that
might be the time when you see this this anger and frustration rising if he's too quick to anger
okay that shows that he's got underlying issues around you know control and anger management and
that kind of stuff definitely huge red flag all right bear with me darlings we're almost done
pay attention to this stuff it's important all right number eight
um so any acts of violence directed towards you any at all right do not excuse any
violence do not no excuses no oh he was just jealous because i was talking to another man or
or he thought i did something no none of that okay any violence whatsoever
a push a shove hitting the wall behind you any violence at all huge red flag
not negotiable that's a huge one just not negotiable okay if you're seeing it at the
early stages you can only even begin to imagine what it's going to be like at the end stages okay
and you can't build a relationship with someone that you're scared of that's you know that's just
bottom line you just can't all right darlings number eight all right so watch how he treats
other people so you know on their first few days narcissists can be very um i said they're
they're on their best behavior they're doing everything they can to get you hooked on them
so watch how they treat other people so you know the weight staff at the restaurant the cashier at
the petrol station you know watch how they drive driving is another big thing actually watch how
they drive how they treat other people on the road so if they've got a sense of entitlement if they
get angry and have road rage if they treat other people badly that's showing you how they treat
people that don't matter don't matter to them okay and remember at some point with the narcissist if
you have a relationship with nasa's you too won't matter and that is how they will treat you okay
huge red flag all right number what are we up to number nine controlling behavior
so if the narcissist is sorry if the person that you suspect is controlling you in any way you know
things like are you wearing that out tonight or oh no i don't want to go to that place with you
um you know when you suggest where you want to go for example anything that doesn't sit
right doesn't feel right feels like they want to change you feels like they're wanting to make you
act differently you know huge red flag all right number 10 and this is really really important and
this is less about them and more about you this is about how it feels right one thing
that i can say when i look back on my entire you know very long history with anastasis the reality
is it didn't feel right there was something that was wrong the whole time i couldn't put
my finger on it i couldn't you know quite figure out what it was sometimes i thought it was this
thing other times i thought it was that but at the end of the day something didn't sit right and that
if i had listened to that if i'd paid more attention to that huge red flag you know it would
have saved me a lot of years a little great a lot of suffering so pay attention to how it feels
do you feel uncomfortable with this person do they make you feel awkward does it feel just off in
some way are they trying too hard no or is there is their body language not congruent with what
they're saying so they're saying one thing but you know the body language is showing other signs
pay attention to your intuition and your instinct this is what it's there for it's there to protect
you okay it's there to protect you and to keep you safe when you don't have enough input and evidence
you know this is what instinct and intuition is there for it picks up on so much that you're not
consciously aware of you know it really does um all right lovelies listen they're the 10 red flags
pay attention to them you know red flags are important if you ignore the red flags
you will live to regret it that is the bottom line all right lovelies thanks for listening bye