The 1979 AT&T campaign which asked audiences to “Reach out and Touch Someone” was considered
by many to be one of the best advertising campaigns of the 20th century.
While AT&T’s definition of touch was more of a virtual one – they wanted people to
pick up the telephone to connect with family and friends—psychologists, counselors, and
the medical community advise all of us to do the same physically.
We communicate to and with others through “touch.”
Touch can communicate a variety of messages: compassion, anger, happiness, excitement,
and, of course, love.
One of the technical terms for touch, or tactile communication, is haptics.
Some consider haptics to be the most potent of all forms of nonverbal communication.
Haptics covers who you touch, where you touch, how long you touch, how frequently you touch,
and the quality of the touch.
That’s what this video will focus on: Haptics, the study of how we use touch to communicate.
Let me give the usual caveat: This is a deeper look, not a comprehensive discussion of this
area of study in nonverbal communication that you can find with a few well-placed clicks
on your keyboard.
(Okay, let’s start with why so many people consider …)
Haptics, or touch, to be vitally important to our physical and mental health.
You may be familiar with Harry Harlow’s research in the 1930s.
After observing that baby monkeys spent a considerable amount of time clinging to their
mothers and, after conducting a variety of studies, Harlow concluded that a lack of “contact
comfort”—or a lack of touch—negatively affected the physical and psychological health
of the monkeys.
Okay, I really glossed over that study, and there is a lot of controversy surrounding
it in terms of research ethics and the generalizability of the results from monkeys to humans.
But I mention it because this study has been used to support the belief that, as humans,
we need touch to flourish and grow.
We cannot survive solely on the basics like food, water, air, and so on.
Richard Heslin, a social psychologist, suggested that the types of touch can be placed on an
“intimacy continuum,” with one end of the continuum characterizing a lack of intimacy
and the other characterizing strong intimacy.
Keep in mind as we go through these that, as in all aspects of communication, there
are cultural differences.
Some cultures tend to touch more than others.
The first “phase,” which essentially communicates no or little intimacy, is Functional/Professional.
In this phase, the focus is on the task.
Think of when visit a doctor: the touch is functional—even if it involves a part of
the body that we consider intimate.
The second phase is Social/Polite.
This is the ritual touching that occurs, from a handshake to an obligatory kiss on the cheek.
There isn’t much emotion involved in this type of touch.
But you do tend to express more emotion and intimacy in touch that demonstrates friendship
and warmth.
Your touch communicates that you care about the other person.
The handshake becomes more than a perfunctory gesture, the kiss on the cheek is genuine
rather than a ritual, a hug is longer and more intense—it means something more than
just social politeness.
You’re probably not surprised to hear that, in Western society, it is more acceptable
for women to use touch in both social and friendship contexts than men.
We also use touch to communicate love and intimacy.
And, by love, I’m not referring only to romantic love.
Think of familial love, as when we touch our children to communicate that we love them.
In romantic relationships, we also tend to touch each other more and the touch tends
to be more enduring, as when couples hold hands or snuggle together.
Love and intimacy touches can be further divided into Healthy touch and Violence.
We may not think of violent touches as communicating love or intimacy, but many people are only
violent with those they care deeply about.
On the far end of the scale is touch that can be defined as sexual/arousal.
You probably don’t need any clarification on these types of touches.
What you’ll likely notice is that the quality of the touch changes in each of these phases,
often depending on the context.
Think about a hug: It can be used in a functional way if you have to put your arms around someone
to carry them to safety; it be a socially polite thing to do as you are instructed to
“Give your grandmother a hug,” it can be used to communicate sincere affection and
warmth—even sympathy—for a friend; something you do with your children or spouse; and,
with a romantic partner, a hug can be used to communicate a desire for sex or a part
of lovemaking.
A number of scholars have classified the meanings of touch into various categories.
Rather than choosing one classification method, I’m going to group them together and give
you an overview.
You’ll see that some of these fit neatly into Heslin’s intimacy continuum, such as
task-related—perhaps that’s another way of saying “functional/professional.”
If I were to show you how to play the bagpipes and notice that you aren’t placing your
fingers correctly, I might have to touch your fingers to move them into the right position.
(Actually, you would never see me doing this, as I don’t play any kind of musical instrument,
much less the bagpipes, one of the most difficult to play.)
I could use task-related touch with a student, my children, even my husband—if he’d ever
let me guide his hands to teach him how to braid our daughter’s hair.
Touch can be used ritualistically, which likely starts in the social/polite stage of Heslin’s
continuum.
Earlier we mentioned a handshake, but a handshake can precede a task-related, or functional,
touch.
We may shake hands with the doctor before she proceeds to touch our bodies to check
our vital functions.
In many Latino cultures, you greet a stranger with a hug or a kiss on the cheek.
So, ritualistic touch tends to occur more in the less intimate phases of the continuum.
Touch can communicate affect: our emotions.
We kiss someone to tell them that we love them, using touch to communicate positive
affect.
But a slap on the cheek also communicates emotion—what many would consider a negative
affect.
In addition to affection, we can use touch to communicate support, appreciation, inclusion,
or sexual interest.
This use of touch is most often used between people who have close relationships, so it’s
likely to in the friendship, love, or sexual areas of the continuum.
Let’s pause for a question here: Where would you put the quick kiss I make sure to give
my husband before I leave for work?
Or the hug that I give my daughter to let her know I’ll be thinking about her throughout
the day?
Can those be both ritualistic and a way to communicate emotion or affect?
Of course!
That’s why the hybrid category was created.
While these may be rituals, I use them to communicate deep emotions and I only do them
with certain people.
So where might this type of touch go on the intimacy continuum?
Definitely more on the intimate side.
We also use touch playfully, to communicate that something shouldn’t be taken seriously—to
“lighten an interaction.”
We touch someone to let them know that something that was said was meant to be amusing, not
serious.
But, playful interaction can also be used to communicate aggression.
Playful touches most often occur on the more intimate side of the continuum, among friends,
family members, and lovers.
We use touch to exert control, as when we touch someone to take control of a conversation
or to get his attention.
Research has shown that the use of touch increases compliance: people are more likely to do what
you want them to do if you touch them.
Touch can be used as a reward and as punishment.
That’s why touch is so powerful.
Think of sexual harassment claims that demonstrate someone used touch as a means of control.
While touch used to control tends to happen more frequently in the love and sexual end
of the continuum, people in power tend to use touch more in the functional and social
phases, Notice that withholding touch can also exert control.
Of course, there are times when touch happens accidentally.
You unintentionally bump into someone or, as you often seen in romantic movies, you
reach across to pick up something at the same time someone else does and your hands touch.
That can happen at any point in the continuum.
But, you may have to ask yourself if that accidental touch was really accidental.
Back to sexual harassment claims: Was that touch you felt on your breast really unintentional,
or was it premeditated, indicating control or sexual interest.
Let’s end by going back to the beginning: the AT&T ad advocating that we reach out and
touch someone.
Now you know that, not only is it good for our physical and emotional health, touch communicates
much more than you probably imagined.
So, when you reach out and touch someone, think about what you are communicating.