When you first found out Austin was deaf, you worry about, you know, he'll never
hear your voice, he'll never hear you say you love him and you think about all the
things they can't do or won't be able to do or the disadvantages they may have in
life and somewhere in that process it switches to you realize, my kid is just
like every other kid. It just happened this week at Disney, we
were in line and a lady said something to my wife about her, I think it was her
nephew, who's 22 years old has had implants for like 20 years, and she kind
of patted Stacey on the back say and don't worry he graduated high school and
has a job at The Home Depot. We took that as very condescending. That she thought
this kids been a success in life because he got a high school diploma and he's
working at Home Depot. She clearly feels like this kid is limited
because he's deaf and and we don't even think that way anymore. We at a
minimum, treat him just like we treat our other boys and probably even expect
more out of him because who he is and his personality.I always
kind of joke with Dr. Lusk, I would love it if Austin grows up to be a cochlear
implant surgeon. How awesome would that be? I think you switch
somewhere from focusing on the negative and the bad things and what
your child can't do, what experience they might not have, to realizing that
that's not what's important. That's not who he is and anybody that knows Austin
deafness is not the first thing you think of when you think about Austin. You
think about the energy, the independence. We were just at
Disney on the roller coasters, he wanted to ride by himself. He didn't want
anybody to sit with him. He didn't anyone to hold his hand.
He's a very independent young fellow and being deaf is not going to hold him back
at all. We met one staff member who's a mom for several deaf kids and it was
very comforting to know that her son was successful. He was going to college, you
know, he'd made it that far. That was when I started to relax a little bit. It was
still a daunting experience. Overall, I also realized that there is people that
are never going to accept a person with a disability and it's okay. It's okay,
because that's how life is. Not everybody likes
everybody. So you need to learn to live with that and just put it aside rather
than then asking myself, why they don't like my child, but there's also good
people. There's teachers that I still I'm in contact
with because they were just, they touched our lives in such a positive way,
that we will never forget it, and we are so grateful to them. In that school
time, during that transition time, they really made it smoother. They helped us
understand our son's challenges and needs and we work together. We really
made it work because we were partners. As far as the emotional part of it, I will
say and this is just for me personally but I've always tried to be the strong
one for my wife and and but that doesn't always work. Anybody that
knows me very well or has heard me talk publicly about Austin when I speak to
groups or whatever, I get very emotional and often times I cry and probably
sometimes even more than my wife. We all deal with it differently, but I think
it helped my wife and my other sons to see me emotional not because I want a
pity party or whatever but because I felt very passionate about it. I
love my son no more than I can express, just like I do my other boys. It is
emotional because as a parent you want your kid to be perfect, whatever perfect
may be and I can see now that he is perfect, just like he is. But I didn't see
that up front. I remember after he got his cochlear implants and
his hearing was going great, the day we found out that he probably would
never speak or have much speech, was devastating. That was like, man we just
got kicked in the stomach again. I had a meeting that night with a group of
people and I was a little bit late and I sat down next to a lady who could tell
that I had had a rough day and I'd probably been crying because my eyes
were red and what not. Her husband is deaf and she passed me a note and said
you know what's wrong, and I said we found out today that Austin may
never speak. She wrote back on her note, "so."
My initial reaction was, how rude and then it occurred to me. So what? That
doesn't change who he is. Her husband is deaf and and has a full-time
job, I think he's worked at his job over 20 years, does very very well, has two
kids they have a house just like every other person that lives the American dream.
That was a defining moment for me when you know I was all devastated he
wouldn't speak and her response was, "so." It gave me a whole new perspective.
Am I emotional about it and do I get emotional? Absolutely. While I do try to
be strong for my wife and when we first find out and she just, it was really
really hard and I think that's normal for moms again because they want to
blame themselves. What did I do while I was pregnant or whatever to
cause it. On those times I was always, tried to be the strong one for
her, but I didn't try to fake it and be strong 24/7 because that would have
been, that wouldn't have been real. Some dads show more emotion than
others. I'm one that shows a lot of emotion but I think that's healthy. You
got to get that out. You got to have somebody to talk to. Meeting other
parents that had been there, done that, was huge for me. I think you have to
have a support group whether it's formal or informal but you got have somebody you
can talk to. It might be your spouse but it might not be, but you just have to
have to keep plugging away and every day know, it's going to be okay.