Heart Stopper Charlie confronts Ben who is Ben and why is Charlie confronting him
what Ivan I'm excited mended light
welcome to therapist reacts raw where my producers give me things that I've never
seen before and I react in real time to them just with my initial reactions this is from
the TV series Heart Stopper which I will get around to watching after I finish all
the Star Wars and all the Marvel and all the Bridgerton and all these other things that
I've got on my list but I do want to watch this because it's so sweet it's so sweet and it's so
wholesome and I dig it the clip that's been given to me is Charlie confronts Ben I think
just from hearing it Through the Grapevine I I know that there's somebody who was Romancing
Charlie in private but in public was rude to him denied knowing him and denied that they are
both gay right and I think that's been if I'm wrong then we'll see what this clip is about
[Music]
starting to cut it's not even cold it's February Lane
between touch me God what's your problem I'm trying to be nice I said I don't want to meet
up with you anymore yeah and I don't believe you well you're clearly just scared of getting caught
why would I be scared of getting caught in school already knows I'm gay
you're the one who's scared of getting caught you can't even look at me on other people
who are around not to mention the fact that you have a girlfriend oh man yeah
I've seen you whether at the schoolgate thanks for telling me
away you didn't don't be angry at me for not wanting to come out yet I'm not angry oh oh
Ben you're a gas lighter so gaslighting is when you try and get another person to question their
way of seeing the world their perspective their thoughts their feelings you invalidate them
and you get them to buy into you are the person who will tell them what is true you are the person
who will tell them what is right you are the person who will tell them what is factual and
Ben just majorly tried to manipulate Charlie don't be angry at me for not wanting to come out yet
but Charlie knows and you know and I know that's not why Charlie is angry Charlie's angry at Ben
because Ben is lying Ben lied to him about having a girlfriend and he actually didn't lie because he
never said I I don't have a girlfriend what he did was hide the truth so Ben was dishonest with him
Ben is using Charlie because Ben is gay and wants to have that experience but because he
doesn't want to come out yet what he's doing and that's okay if he doesn't want to come out
yet that's fine but he's hurting Charlie because Charlie is an object of experimentation for Ben
Charlie is not someone that Ben loves or even has genuine affection for because if he had genuine
affection for him he'd care that he was hurting him and when Ben touches Charlie's face after
denying him in public won't even look him in the eye or as rude to him in public to to cover his
tracks he has hurt Charlie and then in private he wants to be all sweet and when Charlie calls him
out on that bull crap Ben says I'm just trying to be nice Ben you suck I'm team Charlie all the way
we're figuring stuff out fine take your time amen I've been there for you
don't you think I of all people would understand if you're figuring out your sexuality then why
are you angry at me I'm angry because you never even slightly cared about my feelings yes we'll
never meet up when you want to where you want to when you feel like kissing a boy oh you don't
care about me it's all well it's not like anyone else is going to want to go out with you is it
um no no no Ben
no
it's not like anyone else's want to go out with you okay Ben clearly is very insecure and Ben
has a lot of self-loathing I don't know whether or not he has self-loathing about his sexuality
but to be that cruel to another person usually implies the cruelty that you carry around inside
yourself about yourself and oftentimes you don't want to look at it so you externalize it and put
it on somebody else I don't hate Ben Ben's a human being Ben's got pain Ben I don't even
know Ben's background but he's probably seen some but struggling with things or coming from
a difficult place doesn't justify mistreating another human being and what Ben wants is for
Charlie to be his boy servant he wants Charlie to be there for him when he wants how he wants and
there's not consideration for Charlie's feelings taking a step back even from from just lgbtqia
issues and just looking at Humanity in general if somebody does this to you it's not love
and we stay in these types of relationships because of the good times we stay in these types
of relationships for the times when they made us feel wanted for the times when they made us
feel special for the times when they treat us well and then they hurt us over and over again and they
keep stringing us along with the good times what I would say to Charlie though honestly it seems like
Charlie's already figured this out is it's not about what they're like at their best it's about
what they're like at their worst is what they're like at their worst abusive is it controlling
is it condescending and cruel if so you can find somebody who gives you the best that this person
had or even better and their worst isn't nearly as bad and what if Ben's right nobody else is going
to want to date you he's not by the way that's the story of the show he's not right but even if you
have to be alone for a while it's better to be on your own than to be in a relationship with a Ben
and I hope Ben as he grows older and matures realizes just how much he hurts Charlie
and makes amends for it but even if he never does Charlie doesn't need Ben
to apologize in order to heal he just needs to stand up for himself
no Ben that's right I know you like me stop it
Charlie no I like you but I'm figuring stuff out literally what more do you want from me
good for you Charlie oh no that wasn't Charlie oh I told you to stop
there's Nick come on piss off
you know what we need more of in teen romantic dramas badass gays go Nick I'm a fan
you okay
because what this was was a sexual assault
and it's important to recognize it as such the sexuality of the characters as gay characters
doesn't change that that was a sexual assault it was unwanted Charlie tried to push him off
and Ben tried to force himself on Charlie I said earlier that I didn't hate Ben
foreign did you hear all of that most of it I just you seemed kind of like something was
up while we were getting changed so I I wanted to check everything was okay sorry
you have nothing to be sorry about sorry how very British you say sorry about
actually more Canadian don't say it I kind of know what to say I don't
that's beautiful I should get out we'll get locked in if we stay much longer
you say sorry a lot don't say it I mean obviously if you have mistreated another human being being
sorry and taking accountability is a positive it's the right thing to do
but apologizing for something when you did nothing wrong
but you're just worried that you inconvenienced or upset another person it's better in my experience
when someone is there for you and then you feel uh embarrassed about it instead of saying sorry
say thank you this is a wholesome show maybe I need to move it up my watch list I think I
will I'm digging this what do you think about this clip what do you think about where Ben is coming
from why is Ben acting towards Charlie the way he is and what do you think of how Charlie stood
up for himself what are your thoughts on Heart Stopper as a whole and what would you like to
see me react raw to in upcoming videos let me know in the comments below if you're looking for help
and guidance in creating healthy relationships or if you've been through a trauma like an assault
like this go to metallife.com we have courses and other resources on our membership site or you can
meet with a member of our clinical team until next time folks keep shining we need your light
[Music] thank you