in this video we're gonna be talking about how Vanya Hargreeves played by the
wonderful ellen page ended up snapping but we're also gonna be talking about
how we can deal with anger and trauma that stems from childhood what is up
everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but
focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about
mental health and what I like to do is pull different topics from pop culture
like TV Netflix movies all that kind of stuff to try to teach you how to improve
your mental and emotional well-being so the end of that stuff make sure you
subscribe and ring that notification bell and like I mentioned we're gonna be
talking about like towards the end we're gonna be talking about dealing with
anger issues that stem from childhood and I have a new book out it's called
rewire your anger the audio versions out it just got released on audible as well
the links for that will be down in the description so if you're somebody who
snaps and you got a bunch of pent up stuff inside go check out the book I
think it's only like four or five bucks over on audible or didn't get the bundle
for like $7.99 alright anyways let's talk about the Umbrella Academy and
specifically Vanya Hargreeves played by ellen page you haven't seen my video about class go
check that out I'm gonna be doing some more character breakdowns by anyways for
those of you who haven't seen the Umbrella Academy there will be spoilers
in this so if you're still finishing up the series go check it out come on back
if you don't plan on watching the series just stay here and get some mental
health goodness alright so a little context for the show you know these are
kids who are all born on the same day ended up having super hot super powers
the father ended up adopting seven of them told me I'm into a little superhero
team but then you have Vanya Hargreaves okay she is one that they told her whole
life that she doesn't have any powers okay and this is what we were led to
believe so while the other six are out like fighting crime they're doing their
thing right Vanya Hargreaves was kind of pushed to this side and you see a lot of
this even in the beginning of the series or the season right that they ignore her
they neglect her she's told that she's not special she's kind of treated as
like this little like you know whatever just buy the rest of the kids
so they kind of neglect her and all of those things right and the first thing
that we'll talk about is this like like nobody likes to be neglected okay like
if you if you live in a family especially a big family like please
please please do yourself a favor go out of your way and try to befriend the
other person okay try to do that try to keep him included and all those things
like I did a video with my mom dr. Randazzo over on her channel about
family roles like talks of family roles and all that and one of the roles that I
could relate to was the Forgotten child okay so for me personally my sister she
was always getting in trouble always having issues getting kicked out of
school she had my nephew at a very young age
all these other things all the attention was on her so I felt like the Forgotten
child right and and it sucks because as that child you're doing everything that
you can to be good to be on straight narrow and everything like that but
you're not getting attention okay you're not getting attention you're not getting
the love that thing that we all crave especially from our parents you know
what I mean and this can develop into a lot of issues which we're gonna talk
about later with dawnia's relationship with Harold alright but here's the thing
and we saw it not only win Vanya was a child but as she grew older as well one
of the biggest issues that people who were raised as the Forgotten child but
even as they get older we have a problem with not feeling heard we feel like
people do not hear us alright and some people point out that I
say certain things like a lot like you know what I mean does that make sense of
things like that and part of that part of it part of it is me trying to make
sure that I'm being heard because that was one of the biggest issues that I had
growing up now the other reason why I say like you know what I mean does that
make sense at all that is because I'm used to teaching groups at a rehab
center and I want to make sure that people are paying attention so it's a
little bit of both in my case now one of the issues that I don't think a lot of
people understand is like you've heard me talk about dr. Daniel Seagle who is a
neuroscientist he talks a lot about tops of brain development and all
like in one of the books I read by him it might have been parenting from the
inside out but there's actually a lot that happens
in the brain when you feel like you're not being heard when it feels like
you're being misunderstood your brain like your neurons they start to just
like go crazy right because they freaked out because part of our communication
and connecting with other people is about being heard it's about being
understood and when we feel and sometimes our perception is not the
reality but when we feel we're not being heard it can lead to anxiety it can lead
to a lot of anger frustration all sorts of things so it's important that we feel
heard that's why by the way you need to hang out with people who are who can be
there and just listen to you talk right this is one of the reasons why therapy
is such a good option for so many people like go see a therapist like therapists
are trained to listen so if you don't have somebody in your life who will
listen to you go to therapy okay talk to your doctor so you can get a referral
talk to insurance company see if they can refer you to somebody talk to
friends family members who are in therapy see if they could recommend
anybody if you would like you to check down below I have an affiliate link for
better help what that means is it helps support the channel you get online
therapy at an affordable price I use better health but we need somebody in
our lives where we can feel heard okay so the next thing I want to talk about
is because Vanya has been set on the outside of this family for so many years
her entire life is even as an adult it makes her more subset more susceptible
to being a victim in an abusive relationship which is something that you
might have struggled with like one of the things that a lot of people don't
understand is there are reasons there are reasons why people get into abusive
relationships okay and a lot of it stems from toddler like you hear that term
like Oh daddy issues and stuff like that but it's very true like if you have an
absentee father if you have an absentee mother like I did in my case because she
was an alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life like we look for somebody
who's gonna give us attention and the thing is we ignore all of the red flags
so in Vanya skates which he started to see Harold she like
ignored all of the red flags but even when they became even more apparent so
even when you know her sister Allison was pointing out all of these things
showing her the evidence like we have a tendency to neglect it to neglect all
those things because finally finally we're getting that love that attention
all those things that we've been craving our entire life so our standards just
slowly drop and this is why we have to work on our mental health
so in funniest case like let's not talk for a second about how Harold was like
somebody who like murdered his own father and like he was not a great guy
I've hired people they like beat him up and lose an eyeball and all but anyways
you see what happened with how the abuse happened so something that abusers like
to do in a relationship is isolate you right so there were times when Vanya
actually wanted to reach back out to her family and like connect to them or have
a discussion with them and Harold kept telling her like no no they don't care
about you I care about you you don't need to talk to them you need to talk to
me right so your abuser will try to separate you from people who love and
care about you like anybody who's been in the root and abusive relationship
feel free to let me know down in the comments below let me know has that
person separated you from other people in your life or if you're single and
looking for someone to date this is a huge sign of a red flag we also had a
lot of gas lighting from Harold where Harold was constantly making you know
Vanya question her own sanity right now the thing is is eventually Vanya ended
up killing Harold but like relationships like this they never work out right like
you will see relationships that are mutually abusive like they don't go to
this extent right this is a fictional TV show but they do go to this extent where
somebody will stay with the other person right just because they're giving them
love and affection and all this attention and stuff like that but when
this person screws up they will snap because they have a lot of unresolved
issues that they haven't learned a healthy way to work through this is
again why we need to make our mental health a major major priority before we
go jumping into relationships like I stayed single for over a year and a half
right when I first started working on myself in my mental health because I
knew it wasn't fair to the other person that I wasn't even working on myself yet
or I wasn't at a stable place where I felt like I could be in a healthy
relationship like no matter how good the other person was to me even if I found
the best girlfriend on earth no matter how good they were to me I was still
going to have a lot of issues and I would freak out over small things and
that would be extremely selfish of me all right so this is one of the reasons
why if you are single make sure you are working on your mental health so the
last thing that we'll talk about is how Vanya basically brought on the
apocalypse with her anger issues like you guys like if you're a parent you
definitely need to check out parenting from the inside out by dr. Daniel single
Segal I'll go ahead and link it down to the description below but there are so
many things that are the result of our childhood that we do not even know and
especially if you're a parent you need to understand that certain things that
you do as a parent is a result of your traumatic childhood you might be
treating your child in similar ways that you're you know damaging parents treated
you and you don't even realize it all right like we have to gain this
self-awareness so we can work on the problem now in Thein this case where she
you know lost control blew up the moon and brought on the apocalypse like this
is what anger issues are just important for all of us to work on this is why I
wrote we wire your anger like there's so many things that I just completely
crumbled to pieces because of my anger issues and I've had to learn ways to
kind of tame them this doesn't mean that I'm never angry but I don't bring my
entire world down on top of me because of those feelings anger is a very normal
feeling but it's the actions that follow that typically get us in trouble alright
so make sure if you saw those anger issues
check out down to the description below alright but anyways let me know your
thoughts on you know Vanya Hargreaves character if you've watched the Umbrella
Academy and all of that or if you can relate to any of the topics that I'm
talking about down in the comments below okay anyways that's all I got for this
video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure
you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I'm doing more character
breakdowns for the Umbrella Academy and a huge thank you to everybody supporting
the channel over our patreon you are all amazing and if you would like to become
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thanks so much for watching I'll see you next time