And so, we've got to learn
that if we're going to have
successful relationships
we cannot just dismiss someone
because we don't like what they're saying
or that we don't agree with it.
(Music)
Communication is key,
I'm sure you've heard that
hundreds, thousands of times.
And the reason why you keep hearing is because
it's right, it's real.
Without proper and effective communication
in your relationship,
you are going to see things fall apart.
So many relationships have failed
because people don't know
how to talk to each other.
And one of the biggest issues I've seen,
be very prevalent in so many relationships
is being dismissive
of your partner and their feelings.
Now, one of the things that even
pushed me to do this video
wasn't just the fact that I saw this in relationships.
I see this in our world.
In our world today, we live in a society where
if someone says something we don't agree with,
all right.
Very dismissive, attacking,
you have kinds of culture.
All these different things
rather than actually having
an intelligent discussion
about what's going on.
Rather than trying to actually
understand someone's position
and maybe educate them
or gain a better understanding
or different perspective
so you can look at it from all different angles.
No, we don't do that.
We just dismiss, attack, all right.
And even insult.
And so,
we see this on the world stage
and all I kept thinking to myself was damn!
How much is this happening in the
own person's individual relationships?
Because if you get emotionally caught up
to where you don't even want to hear
what someone has to say on the internet,
which granted
you can say that's probably even more likely.
I would argue that it's just a greater example
of what's going on behind closed doors
and how you treat the people closest to you,
all right.
And so, we've got to learn
that if we're going to have
successful relationships
we cannot just dismiss someone
because we don't like what they're saying
or that we don't agree with it.
Now, listen,
disagreement is absolutely acceptable.
Disrespect is not.
And so, when we cross that line
of being dismissive,
essentially you're being disrespectful.
And so, I want you to imagine a time
where you were speaking to someone
whether it be a partner,
a friend, a sibling, whatever,
and they said something to you
and immediately you were under attack
you got defensive.
Or you simply insulted
or dismissed what they had to say.
Scratch that.
Think about when it happened to you.
Think about how you felt
when someone was dismissive
of how you feel and what you were thinking
and how you see things.
It didn't feel good.
You probably attacked them even harder.
You probably end up going
back and forth with them.
You probably created
or resentment was created
and amassing was created
because no one likes to be dismissed
and it feels disrespectful.
So,
we cannot behave that way in our relationships
and think there's going to be
a positive result from this.
So, what I want everyone to consider is that
when you are talking...
And let's just focus right now on
romantic partners.
But again, this applies
to everybody, everything, any relationship.
But when you're speaking to your partner
and they express something that you don't like,
take a deep breath,
pause,
listen.
Don't listen to react,
listen to understand.
And if you do not understand,
ask for more clarity.
Ask them to explain to you their position.
Try to put yourself in their shoes.
Because again, if you don't,
here's what's going to happen.
When you're dismissive of your partner,
they won't want to talk to you again.
Who the hell wants to talk to someone
that's always dismissing them.
Doesn't you know, even consider how they feel
or what they're saying.
It's not going to work.
Number two, they will retaliate.
All you're going to do is set
up a back and forth battle
when you're dismissive of people.
Or number three,
they're going to just go hide in their corner
because they're so hurt by it.
And that hurt is now going to manifest
into other issues in that relationship
and deteriorate that relationship.
So, you got to make sure
you don't pour negativity into your relationship,
that you try to more effectively communicate.
Again, it doesn't mean
you got to agree with them.
But, here's a little tip.
When someone expresses themselves
even if you don't agree with them,
there's nothing wrong and you actually should say
I acknowledge how you feel,
I understand that's how you feel,
I understand that's how you see it.
Giving some type of acknowledgment
to their feelings, to their perspective
at least, helps them feel like you're listening,
you're hearing them,
you're considering what they have to say,
rather than just pushing it to the side
and dismissing it.
So, just be very mindful
of how you're going about these conversations
and allow your partner
to speak, express themselves.
Don't judge, don't attack,
don't insult, don't speak down to.
Listen
and try to understand.
And even if you guys cannot come
to an agreement at the moment,
that's perfectly fine.
Listen, some conversations
where disagreement exist
will just simply show
two people who think differently,
but can still coexist with each other.
Some disagreement
is going to show where there is a huge rift
that exists in your relationship
or how you two are just not on the same page.
And it may be your sign that
this is not the person for you.
But either way,
you cannot come to the conclusion of
they're not for me
or we can move past this
and become stronger together
unless you allow yourself to listen
to your partner.
So, do not be dismissive,
listen, hear them out,
speak with love, listen with love,
and improve your overall
communication in relationships.
(Music)