More bombshells
from the special counsel's Russia investigation,
which means it's time for another installment
of "Mo Mueller Mo Problems."
-♪ ♪ -(cheering, applause)
Based on recent events, it feels like the Mueller investigation
is finally starting to wrap up.
Then again, it seems like the Mueller investigation
is always wrapping up.
Sort of like a phone call with your mom.
Hmm? Like, "Okay. Okay, bye. Bye, Mom. I love...
"What? Yeah, yeah, no, I-I won't forget.
"Okay, yes. Yes, I'll pray for them.
"All right, bye, Mom. Bye, Mom.
"Okay, I love... No, Mom, I told you I don't watch Dr. Phil.
"No, Mom. Okay, okay, yeah, w... oh, we're breaking up. We...
"No, no, no, no. I'm not breaking up with her, Mom.
"I'm just saying the phone. No, no, yes, we are good, Mom.
"No, no, we're not having kids, Mom. I told you...
Okay. Okay, bye... bye, Mom."
Every call. Anyway...
people think the investigation might soon end,
because Mueller and federal prosecutors in New York
have started recommending punishments
for some of the people involved, people like Michael Flynn,
the former national security advisor,
and Michael Cohen, former Trump lawyer
and shady Kramer.
So until now, the only people incriminated
have been Trump's henchmen.
But then on Friday, shit got real.
NEWSWOMAN: For the first time, a separate filing
by the Southern District of New York
directly implicates Mr. Trump in felonies
involving hush money payments,
coordinated by his former attorney Michael Cohen
to Karen McDougal and Stormy Daniels
for alleged affairs.
Prosecutors allege that he was trying to secretly manipulate
the election by buying the silence of alleged mistresses
ahead of the campaign.
That's right, the president has been implicated
in multiple felonies.
Let that sink in.
A little more. A little more.
Okay, too much, too much. Take it back a little.
Yeah, just there. That's perfect.
And just to be clear, this isn't even
the collusion-with-Russia thing, right?
Or the obstruction- of-justice thing.
We haven't even gotten to those yet.
These felonies are about Trump paying hush money
to his mistresses.
And if you think about it,
it's weird how much politics and porn are overlapping right now.
Right? 'Cause in the future, kids'll be doing
their American history homework on Pornhub--
that's what it means, right?
They'll be like, "Don't come in, Mom!
I'm learning about the president!"
And what's hilarious is how the prosecutors tried
to give Trump cover by referring to him in these documents
as "Individual-1."
But it's obvious who it is, because they also say,
"Individual-1...
became President of the United States."
(laughter)
I mean...
how much clearer can you get?
It's like, "Individual-1,
who tweets every day at 3:00 a.m...."
Or "Individual-1, who is totally embarrassed
by his idiot son, Individual-1 Junior."
(laughter)
But it's pretty clear by now,
Trump is in some deep shit.
And he has to know it's getting serious,
because people on TV are saying so.
REPORTER: Trump implicated.
Will House democrats push to impeach the president?
The president has now stepped into the same territory
that ultimately led
to President Nixon resigning the office.
Certainly they'd be impeachable offenses,
because even though they were committed
before the president became president,
they were committed in-in-in the service
of fraudulently obtaining the office.
There's a very real prospect that, uh,
on the day Donald Trump leaves office,
the Justice Department may indict him,
that he may be the first president in quite some time
to face the real prospect of jail time.
He's got to know his future looks like it's behind bars
unless he cuts some sort of deal with the prosecutors.
That's right. Things are so serious,
people are talking about President Trump going to prison.
And I know, I know many people might want
to see Trump in prison, but not me, okay.
I do not want to see Trump go to prison,
mostly because if you put Trump in a prison jumpsuit,
it'll just look like he's naked.
(laughter)
And why should we be punished for his crimes?
(laughter)
But even though, even though many legal experts
are saying this could land Trump in prison,
there's one person who watches a lot of Law & Order
who totally disagrees.
The president has an interesting take on the damning documents.
On Twitter he writes "Totally clears the president.
Thank you!”
(laughter)
Oh, man.
You've got to give it to President Trump,
no matter what happens to him, he's always positive.
He'll never admit defeat.
Like, he's gonna be in handcuffs in the back of the cop car,
and he'll be like, (mimics Trump): "Driver,
"thank you for the lovely silver bracelets.
"Now take me to the nearest McDonald's, please.
It's time for victory nuggets."