(upbeat music)
- [Man] Sarah Lynn, I've seen.
- Really?
- About a month before she died,
it was pretty clear she was using.
- Well, how do you figure?
Did she say something?
- She didn't, but her friend did.
- Her friend?
- Large fella.
I think he was a horse or a bull maybe.
It's hard to remember.
Kinda like a rounder Brad Garret type
but with a very forgettable face.
He told a story though, I remember that.
It was about a trip he took to New Mexico.
- Oh?
- Yeah, it was about a girl and a mother.
Oh, this is so long ago now.
I think he had sex with the girl
or maybe he had sex with the mother.
- Well, do get your story sorted.
But I prefer it if it's sordid.
- And this man left with Sarah Lynn?
Do you recall anything else about this man?
His name, perhaps?
- No, I remember the girl's name.
- Yes, Sarah Lynn.
Now we're all up to speed.
- No, the girl from his story, the one in Mexico.
He was weirdly proud of it.
Said her name was Penny Carson.
- Carson, eh?
- "Penny Carson," he said.
"And that's her real name, you can look her up."
I remember thinking, "Why does he want us to look her up?"
- [Paige And Maximillian] Hmm.
- You know, I actually didn't even drink
for like all of college.
I had some shit go down in high school,
there was this girl in my town.
Anyways, it's a long story.
- No, I wanna hear it.
- Okay, she had this man living in her house.
- You mean like more than one dad?
- No, no, she had just the one dad
but then there was this other guy.
- Weird.
- Totally weird, right?
Okay, so this girl was best friends with my girlfriend.
We all went to prom together, me, my girlfriend,
the girl and the man.
- Wait, the man went to prom with you?
Eesh.
- That's not even the eeshiest part!
This guy bought us bourbon
and practically forced us to drink it,
and then when my girlfriend got alcohol poisoning
he just ditched us at the ER.
- Was your girlfriend okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, it was scary in the moment.
We were there all night and they pumped her stomach
and I was pretty traumatized for a while
but things are good now, things are good
because at some point I realized it wasn't
the alcohol's fault or Maddie's fault or my fault.
It was just some shitty dude, you know.
- Totally.
- But you know the craziest part of all?
The guy, he's actually kind of famous.
- Really?
- Yeah, I never heard of him
but it turns out he's kind of a movie star.
- Who is he?
(exhales)
Who is he?
- What are you doing?
- I'm updating my asexual dating profile
with some fresh pics.
There's still no one else on the app,
but when they join, I wanna be ready.
Look at this busted photo, it's from over a year ago.
- Yeah, you gotta stay current.
- Oh man, they always ask for your job.
Oh, I actually have a job.
Hypeman for babies.
- Is it like a Jesus thing?
- No, it's not that, I told you.
- I'm just confused is all, because I thought you liked me.
- I do, but I was very clear there are certain things
that I'm not interested in.
- So why did you go out with me in the first place?
- Because I like you.
Look, it's complicated.
- And you're sure it's not a Jesus thing?
- Fine, if it helps end this conversation,
yes, it's a Jesus thing.
- Hey, I admire your devotion.
What would Jesus do?
Not this guy.
- It's not a Jesus thing.
- I figured.
I don't wanna presume anything,
but there's an app you might be interested in.
- An app?
(Todd sighs)
(phone dings)
- Oh.
Ah.
- Your psychiatrist said you're depressed.
- Okay, yeah, I've been a little depressed
but I'm not like depressed.
I don't have depression.
- You're smoking three packs a day.
You've been wearing the same pajama bottoms for weeks.
- This is all part of my writing process.
My best stuff comes out when I hate myself.
- What stuff?
No stuff is coming out.
- Ugh.
- I'd feel better if you just tried
the medication your doctor prescribed.
- Well, I'd feel worse.
They put me on Prozac in college,
and I was so calm and boring,
I didn't even wanna LiveJournal.
And then Dawson's Creek got bad
because there was no one to speak truth to power.
- Dawson's Creek did not get bad.
You just started taking antidepressants,
which you should also do now.
(gloomy music)
- I think I'm depressed.
- Yeah?
- It started when I was having trouble with my book.
And then it kind of snowballed into my boyfriend
saying I should take antidepressants.
- Are you going to?
- What's the point?
- Of antidepressants?
I believe the point is to be antidepressed.
- Sure, or you just flip over the nothing
and underneath there's more nothing.
- [Hollyhock] They canceled all the drama classes.
- [BoJack] What, why?
- The acting professor quit,
he got cast in a regional commercial.
- And he quit?
Wow.
- So yeah, now Tawnie's gotta change her major,
which, I get why that sucks, but don't take it out on me.
- I'll bet a lot of actors would love
to teach in a place like this.
They're not looking for a replacement?
- Maybe they are, I don't know.
What do I look like, the Wesleyan Argus?
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Ugh, Raven's out.
She taught a workshop at Spellman,
and to quote Raven, "Never more!"
Spring semester starts next week, can you be here?
(upbeat music)
- I'll be on the next plane.
- [Dean] Welcome to Wesleyan, Professor.
- [Pickles] Lights up!
- Pickles, wait, before Robot House assaults us
with the harsh unforgiving glare
of our energy-efficient bulbs, I need to tell you this.
- But it's so dark in here.
- What I'm about to confess is so shameful,
I can only admit it in the cover of shadow.
- Don't be silly.
- Lights on!
- I cheated on you!
- [Crowd] Supri--
- Did someone just say something?
- Don't change the subject!
You cheated on me?
- I want us to stay together.
I want you to trust me.
I wanna make us even somehow.
- Even?
The only logical way to be even
would be if I got to sleep with somebody else.
- Okay, if that's what needs to happen.
- Really?
- Yeah, we just have to think who--
- Buzzy, my high school boyfriend Buzzy.
- Very quick at that name, but okay, fine.
- No, you don't even know him.
Knowing is what hurts the most.
What if I sleep with Buzzy and Tyler from SoulCycle?
I thought it'd be easy to get even,
but I've slept with 32 guys now
if you count the two sets of twins
as two and not four.
- I do.
- And the truth is, none of them are like my mister.
I just wish I could cheat on you with you.
- Hmm?
(door slams)
(laughing)
- Hanging in there.
- I think I may have an idea.
♪ There was no sunlight ♪
♪ Just ask my mother ♪