GIRL! GUY! GIANT! IMMORTAL! FAIRY! PIIIIIIG! GO!
Griamore: Is...is it next time?
Hauser: NEXT TIIIIIIIME!
Griamore: Just get on with your story!
Hauser: It was a long time ago when I was fighting the muscliest man named Joe in town...
...his name...
Muscle Man Joe.
Muscle Man Joe, I suggest to ye that ye forfeit now.
Muscle Man Joe: Why do you keep saying ye?
No one says that anymore!
Hauser: I'll show ye..
*muscle man joe screaming like a little bitch*
*Explosion*
Love Helm: And our winner is the man that's not dead!
Hauser: Yeeeaaaahhhh! [thats fucking right bitch]
Love Helm: Next contenders, please come on stage!
Ban: Psst... Hey, Diane. when that little midget guy starts talking,
Just listen closely...
(Rapey Laugh)
Diane: Uh, okay...
Meliodas: Looks like yer up king. Let me hold onto your...less than manly pillow.
Diane: Good luck out there, King!
King (thinking): My hero... believes in me!
Love Helm: For this round's fight, we have Senior Citizen Kane versus
FUCK-King!
(Ban Laughing)
Ban: I named him "fucking" cause IT HAS KING IN IT!
King: YES! We all get it!
Thank you!
(Meliodas, Ban, and Diane continue laughing)
(man what a bunch of cucks)
Ban: It's just
SO
FUCKING
FUNNY! (It's really not but you know)
King (thinking): Okay, King, don't pay attention to them. Just focus on the task at hand.
King (aloud): You better just drop out, old man! You don't want to mess with me, the one and only Ki-
Ban: AHEM!
King: ...FUCKing...
(Bullies laughing at the nerd 2x)
You better get ready. Even though I'm not using my sacred weapons,
these hands of mine are registered weapons-
(Crowds Cheering)
Senior Citizen Kane: Oh, did I win the bingo?
King: Ow.
Never looking at an old man the same.
Meliodas: Quit your whining and take your girly pillow back, you baby!
Now watch some real men show you how fighting's supposed to be done.
Love Helm: Our next fighters who will duke it out are:
the greatest bar singer that ever lived,
Baaaaaaaaan Jovi, (very funny)
versus the little vlonde vull of anger, MELIOOOODAAAAAAAAS!
Meliodas: Oi, Ban. How about we make this fight a bit more interesting with a little wager?
Ban: But CAP'tain, gambling is
IlLeGal!
What are you betting?!
Meliodas: If I win this fight, you can't sing for a whole day.
Ban: GASP! [yes, he says gasp, it's not an error]
Looks like Captain is pulling out the big guns! Alright, if I win...
You'll have to give me your sword-
Meliodas: NO.
Ban: You'll have to do a duet with me!
Meliodas: Now them's fighting words!
Love Helm: Ban Jovi versus Meliooooooodas!
Get your melon tits ready folks,
this looks like it's gonna be a close fight!
Ban: BLEAUGH!
Ban (mumbling): AW CAPTN, THT'S NT FIR!
You should APOLOGIZE!
*random Meliodas grunt*
*Ban screaming*
Meliodas: Huh?
*Ban laughs*
Ban: Aaaand kick the baby!!!
*more Ban laughter*
Meliodas: ENOUGH OF THIS!
Love Helm: Oh my goodness! It looks like it is a win for MELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAS-
HUH?
HE'S COMPLETELY FINE!?
WHAT A TEASE, YOU CHEEKY FUCK FACE OF SHIT OH MY GOD!
*another Meliodas grunt*
Ban: BLAH!
*yet another Meliodas grunt*
*Ban screaming (again)*
Ban: OW!
Meliodas: Huh?
Love Helm: WHAT IS THIS? IT SEEMS THAT BAN JOVI'S TURNING THE TABLES!
HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY HAPPEN!?
COULD THIS BE SOME SORT OF...
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGIC?!?!
Meliodas: Oh-ho-ho, now I'm having a good time!
Hauser: God, this is so manly! But this doesn't compare to the cute little spouts my two kittens have!
OH SHIT, DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD!?!?
Random Guy: What are you talking about?
Hauser: I said, I was worried what people would think of a manly holy knight like me,
owns and adores two cuddly lovely kittens!
Random Guy: Oh, well that's kinda girly.
Hauser: SHIT, they know now! Dammit Hauser, you're never good at keeping secrets!
Random Old Guy: Well, maybe if you didn't talk out loud-
Hauser: SHUT UP!
Meliodas: ALLEY-OOP!
*repeated series of grunts from Ban*
Love Helm: OH MY GOD, MELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAS IS RELENTLESS!
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE TAKE THAT MUCH THRASHING!
okay, that's not true BUT HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK WAAGH!
Hauser: Hey!
Fantasizing about wearing women's undergarments is so manly.
Random Old Man: I think you're a very confused guy!
Hauser: I think you're confused at how stupid you are!
Haha! That's one for Hauser!
Meliodas: Oh?
*more grunting*
Diane: How is this possible?
Captain had Ban on the edge of losing! What happened?
King: It's his ability, "Snatch."
King: He's using one of his techniques, "physical hunt." He's sucking out Meliodas' energy and making it his own!
Diane: Hey, Ban! Stop sucking the captain dry!
That's my job!
Ban: Yes, cappy... more...
GIMME MORE OF YOUR ENERGYYY!
Ban: AAAGH
Owie, captain, that hurt!
Just the way I like it!
Come on, Captain. Give me all you've got!
Meliodas: If you say so...
Diane: Yeah! KICK HIS ASS!
Ban: Aww, are you finished already?
Meliodas: Fuck you... you damn energy sucking... mosquito.
Love Helm: OH NO! BAN JOVI HAS SOMEHOW TAKEN DOWN
MELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Elizabeth: OH NO! I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE OVEN INSIDE THE TAVERN!
King: There isn't an oven in the tavern.
Elizabeth: Oh. Well something's on fire, that's for sure.
Hausesr: I... I never saw it that way...
Thanks, guys. You're the best!
Random Guy: No worries, Hauser, we're here for you all the way!
Random Guys (simultaneously): YEAH! *inaudible*
Hauser: *sniffles*, I LUUH YOUU GUUUUYY
Ban: What a bunch of weirdos.
So anyways cap'n, when I win,
what song would you want us to sing?
I was thinking maybe something from my favorite 80's band...
WHAM!
Hauser: Why is there dust? It's getting in my (assuming women's undergarments)
Meliodas: SHHH! You're gonna wake the baby!
Love Helm: Wha... what baby?
Love Helm: MELIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAS IS OUR WINNER!
King: You saw that... right, Diane?
Diane: Yes, his impeccable abs.
King: I g-
No. I mean the moment when Ban was about to hit Meliodas, but then out of the blue, he came back up with that weird marking,
filled with malevolent power that sent Ban flying!
Diane: Nope. Just his abs.
King: Eh- ...uh, okay.
I guess maybe not then.
Alrighty.
Love Helm: OUR NEXT FIGHT IS HAUSER VS. MR. MATRONA!
LET THE FIGHT... BEGIN!
...uh, guys, fight. Now.
Love Helm: ARE YOU KIDDING?! WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT A LITTLE CLEAVAGE!?
JUST FIGHT!
Hauser: As a knight of the kingdom of Leonys, as a man,
I can't be looking at her...
...jibblies.
Diane: I don't mind.
King: Only a holy knight BITCH would say that!
TEAR HIM APART, MR. MATRONA!
Hauser: Alright, fine. If this is how it's gonna be...
I'm gonna give you the old 1, 2, and BAM!
Wait, hold on. Uh...
BAM!
Just...
...stand still!
BaAM!
STOP MOVING ALREADY AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!
Diane: If fighting like a man is what you've been doing, then I'll just keep fighting like a girl.
King: AWWWW SHIIT!
Hauser: That's the first straw...
Looks like I'll have to use my trump bam...
...again...
...BUT EVEN BETTER.
Here comes the FINISHING BAA-
Diane: Hey.
Hauser: Hey.
Diane: What did the five fingers say to the face?
Hauser: Bam?
(correct)
Diane: Ah shit, I didn't know you were that weak. Are you okay?
Hauser: I'm wAlKinG On sUnShIhE, wuuhhh...
Diane: Oh yeah, he's fine.
Love Helm: NOW, FOR OUR LAST SEMI-FINAL ROUND,
WE HAVE MELIOOOOOOOOOOOOODAS VERSUS SENIOR CITIZEN KANE!
Diane: Good luck, captain!
King: Be careful up there. He's one mean, POWERFUL grandpa.
Meliodas: Oh come on, how bad could he be?
Senior Citizen Kane: Chestball Roastpot!
Meliodas: OH CHRIST! I TOTALLY UNDERESTIMATED THIS OLD MAN!
Senior Citizen Kane: You look just like a man that I fought a hundred years ago in my old kingdom of Danathree.
Meliodas: Uh, you mean Danafor?
Senior Citizen Kane: OHMYGOD YOU'RE MELIODOS!
DIE, YOU KINGDOM DISGRACE, SHITE!
How could you betray your people?
Your comrades?
Your love?
Meliodas: I'm sorry about blowing Danafor up into tiny bits. I wasn't strong enough to save everyone...
...including her...
...but I ain't just going to die here.
I have a mission to complete.
Senior Citizen Kane: Oh, okay. That's all I needed to hear.
Meliodas: R-Really, that's all you needed to hear?
Senior Citizen Kane: Hear what? Where am I? Am I back in Donafive?
Oh, oh boy, I'm not supposed to be back there, could you lead me home?
Meliodas: Uh, we're in a tournament.
Oh, you were just about to forfeit!
Senior Citizen Kane: Oh, right, yes!
Oh-ho, well I concede, then.
Good luck to you in the final round, strange leprechaun man.
Meliodas: Oh, ho-ho-ho, yeah. Can't wait to get that prize money.
Gonna hang all of that in the bar.
Senior Citizen Kane: Prize Money? Oh, this is a charity event.
All you'll get is that giant ass hammer of 50 feet.
And, AND...
You get the ten-year long loitering bill that comes with it.
Meliodas: So what you're telling me here...
...is that I should ROB everyone!
Senior Citizen Kane: Eh. Whatever floats your waffle.
Meliodas: ALRIGHT EVERYONE, PULL OUT YOUR MONEY, COURTESY OF THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS!
Random Guy: Huh. I didn't this was also a comedy show.
Meliodas: No, really, we're going to rob you all.
Random Guy: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Hauser: And that's what happened.
Griamore: So, the Seven Deadly Sins are committing a robbery, right now,
and as a Holy Knight who's sworn to protect his people,
you found it in your best interest to run off? Just to tell us?
Hauser: Uh...
CrrraAAAAAAAA-
Jericho: Ugh, are we there yet?
Guila: For the fiftieth time...
no.
Jericho: Just you wait, Sins.
I'm coming to get 'ya.
And your wee little pig too.
King: BAOW, Hey guys it's me, King. Thanks for watching this video!
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