Ladies and gentlemen you're witnessing a manhunt, for the biggest man in existence.
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
War of the Colossal Beast is the sequel to the Amazing Colossal Man
‘Sure, Colonel Glen Manning, the Colossal Man’
which we reviewed last series
‘Didn’t he get shot, fall off a dam and get killed?’
You might think that, but who’s to say he didn’t survive?
'That's a good question senior.'
His sister thinks so
‘Wouldn’t that account for the disappearance of your truck?’
A missing truck? Well that’s all the proof I need.
‘it seems like pretty meagre evidence that because a truck disappears the colossal man is still alive.’
You think? But there is more.
‘the foot that made that print is about 10 times the size of a normal man.'
'that would make him 60feet tall.'
'Glen was 60 feet tall!’
Good, that rules out any other Colossal men in the vicinity, but just to be sure...
'It's his thumb print.'
Glen has indeed survived, but he may have sustained some injuries.
'ARRRAGH'
and he’s lot less articulate than he was in the first film.
'I don't want to grow anymore'
'ARRRRAGH ARRRAGH'
Like The Amazing Colossal Man, War of the Colossal Beast has much to recommend it,
'He's tremendous'
the effects are better, there is a startling use of colour at the end.
'ARRRAGH'
and the story is actually quite moving.
‘Joyce…’
In places,
‘Look at it this way, Glen has become a stranger to you, a monster with the instincts of a wild beast, '
'and there’s nothing you or I or anyone can do to change him back to what he once was.’
There, does that make you feel better?
'He will be a menace until he dies.'
But, like The Amazing Colossal Man it also has some colossal problems.
'I suppose you're right.'
Not least of which is that in the first film there was a cure for Glen
‘Well they found it stopped his growth but I’m afraid it won’t reverse it’
Ummm you seem to be forgetting...
'Hard to belive that it worked'
That looks like a pretty convincing growth reversal to me!
'No wonder he is always complaining about those sharp pains in his chest.'
Also forgotten is Glen’s fiancée and the heart condition that was set to kill him in a matter days.
'Well those are the facts.'
But the issue that looms over both movies like Glen Manning over a school bus...
is plausibility.
Music- The Automatic - What's that coming over the hill 'What’s that coming over the hill?'
‘Was it a giant man?’
‘Of course it was a giant man! Surely you couldn't possibly miss it.'
'The Colassal Man is loose in Los Angeles.'
But Glen was ‘killed’ in Las Vegas, by the 2nd movie he’s in Mexico, and nobody noticed him making the journey!
‘He hasn’t been seen’
He’s been stealing food from trucks and only one person has reported it,
‘Would you know him if you saw him?’
and when he escapes he somehow manages to hide in Los Angeles!
‘If we don’t get him before he moves to another mountain, we may lose contact with him for weeks’
Yes, because 60ft men are notoriously difficult to track!
‘have you looked for him?’
They just blend into the scenery!
‘I didn’t see no footprints, I didn’t see no giant, I didn’t see anything’
Both films have the same problem; about halfway through, you just stop believing in them.
'I think I've made my position pretty clear.'
And for a film about a 60ft giant, that’s really saying something!
'I understand'
Point being; if you want your monster to be elusive and mysterious,
'The Colossal Man has broken loose.'
maybe don’t make him constantly moaning semi-nude giant, who gravitates to popular tourist destinations.
'Look at the giant!'
Just saying.
'I see.'
If you've got a film you'd like us to review leave a comment below and don't forget to subscribe