With all the people taking to the streets,
protesting against President Trump's de facto Muslim ban,
a lot of folks have been asking the question:
Where are the Democrats in all of this?
And why aren't they saying anything?
Well, last night, House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi
at a rally in front of the Supreme Court
helped us understand why.
Thank you very much for coming out
-to... -MAN: The sound's not working.
-Is the sound working? -(man speaks inaudibly)
-Got it? The sound working? -WOMAN: No. -MAN: No, no.
I can hear you. Can you hear us?
Can you hear now?
No, that doesn't do any good. (sniffs)
Does this work better? No.
Staff?
Sound people?
Shall we sing "This Land Is Your Land" again
until they get the sound working?
WOMAN: Go. "This Land Is Your Land."
-MAN: Go? -MAN 2: Yeah, sing it.
♪ This land is your land ♪
♪ This land is my land... ♪
♪ We are so (bleep) now ♪
♪ This is a nightmare... ♪
Is this thing working?
Is it? I'm talking about democracy as a whole.
-Is it working? -(laughter)
No? I didn't think so.
But yo, guys, that was a powerful address, it really was.
It reminded me of Martin Luther King's
"I have a bad mic" speech.
-(laughter) -I'll bet Mariah Carey was like,
"Yeah, Nancy, now try it on New Year's Eve.
"It's not so easy, is it!
-(cheering, applause) -I don't see you laughing now!"
Can I be honest, though? It's moments like this
that make me miss Obama. You know?
'Cause, like, I mean, I get the song, but it's all folksy.
Like, remember when Obama would break into song?
It was way cooler than that. Like, if Obama's mic went out,
he'd sing remix to "Ignition"
-or something like that, you know? -(laughter)
And-and you know what made this Nancy Pelosi thing even worse?
The reaction from some of the people
who were standing there with her.
Is the sound working?
Yes? The sound working?
I can hear you. Can you hear us?
Is the sound working?
(man speaks indistinctly)
(laughter)
Oh. Oh, man.
I'm... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't... I shouldn't be laughing.
I'm... I'm sorry, it's rude of me to make fun of the Democrats,
um, before giving the president a chance.
NEWSMAN:
-(audience groans) -First of all, first of all,
can we just take a moment to acknowledge
the world we're now living in?
Because you realize... because Trump is a president,
this tweet is now a government record.
-(laughter) -You understand that?
That means some guy at the Smithsonian
is preserving that tweet in plastic
next to the Gettysburg Address.
-That's what he's doing. -(laughter)
Kids are gonna have to learn that someday in school.
You know, kids are gonna be like,
(like a child): "Four score and seven years ago...
but Fake Tears Chuck Schumer..."
(laughter)
By the way, what are Mexicans?
(laughter, groans)
Oh, yeah, it's coming. It's coming.
But it takes a certain lack of self-awareness
for Butterscotch Frog over here to call the Democrats a mess
when he's made the West Wing seem less like an office
and more like Walmart on Black Friday.
(laughter)
And, like, and I'm talking about the year Blu-ray came out.
That (bleep) was insane.
Like, The Donald is the last person
who should be calling anyone's situation a mess,
considering every single day of his administration
has been a cluster (bleep).
-(cheering, applause) -Inauguration lies,
popular vote conspiracies,
cardboard cake,
forgetting to mention the Jews on Holocaust Remembrance Day,
and then this weekend, the disastrous implementation
of his immigration and refugee ban.
Well, I mean, well, "disastrous" is one description of it.
Another way you could put it is...
It's working out very nicely.
You see it at the airports, you see it all over.
It's working out very nicely.
Okay, now...
now, either Trump's out of touch
or he's just managing our expectations.
He's like, "Oh, no, trust me,
"this worked way better than I thought it would.
-(laughter) -"Trust me, folks, these are the good times.
"Remember these times, okay?
These are the good times."
I actually feel like the next four years of Trump
is gonna be him and his people saying one thing
and us saying, "We have eyes."
TV REPORTER:
and confusion at airports, at home and around the world.
TV REPORTER:
all across the country.
TV REPORTER:
of Homeland Security, State Department,
and customs and border patrol flat-footed.
How do you see that...
How do you see that and think everything's okay? How?
Either Trump's delusional
or his aides replaced news coverage
-with that scene from
That's all he's watching every day.
Because that is not
what we've been living through, I'll tell you that now.
This entire thing has been a mess.
And it's an unnecessary mess, by the way.
A completely unnecessary mess.
It's like Trump and his team weren't even trying
to make this thing work.
There were reports that, before signing the executive order,
Trump blew off getting any legal advice
from the departments of Justice, State, Defense,
or the National Security Council,
or even Siri.
Just ask Siri.
I bet she would have said, "You wanna do what?
Bitch, you crazy."
Anyone would have told you, if you just asked them.
Bitch, you crazy.
Which, by the way, is also what four federal judges
across the country said about the ban.
They were there and they were, like,
-"My ruling is... -(cheering and applause)
My ruling is, bitch, you crazy."
Although they probably did it in Latin.
They were like, "Res ipsa loquitur, bitch."
(laughter, applause)
And last night, the cluster (bleep) crescendoed.
TV REPORTER:
President Trump fires the acting attorney general.
TV REPORTER:
sending a dramatic letter to department lawyers
saying she was not sure
President Trump's order was, quote, lawful.
TV REPORTER:
Yes!
He did it.
He did it... the first "you're fired,"
of the Trump administration.
Finally.
Thank you, Jesus!
No, let's be honest.
That's the only part of Trump's presidency
we were looking forward to, that's the only part.
And the only part he was qualified to do.
That's it, that's it, that's it.
I bet he walked in o Yates' office,
and did it like, like that photo shoot.
Remember that photo shoot?
-(reporters shouting indistinctly)
(Trump mouthing "you're fired")
-Are you ready? -REPORTER: Yeah, we're ready.
(Trump mouthing "you're fired")
(mouthing "you're fired")
-You ready? -(laughter)
Can you hear me? Is this thing on?
Is this Nancy Pelosi's mic?
I still don't understand why he does it silently.
But he did, that's him.
You're fired.
Please tell, please tell me that's exactly how he did it.
TV REPORTER:
that Trump was dismissing her.
(audience reacts)
You-you gave her a letter?
The "you're fired" guy?
Dismissed someone by letter?
Donald Trump, that's your thing.
That's like if Arnold Schwarzenegger was leaving,
and he was, like, "Farewell."
(laughter)
That's your thing.
Donald Trump firing people was the only thing
we were looking forward to in a Trump presidency.
I bet there's some Trump voters who only voted for that issue.
Yeah. Some voters out there are like, "Screw this.
Bring in Mike Pence. That's the only reason I voted."
I don't know about you, that's why I voted illegally.
That's the only reason I voted.
Otherwise, I would have voted for Hillary.
-What a waste! -(cheering and applause)
I could have voted for someone else.
(cheers and applause)
I mean, instead of being embarrassed by Sally Yates,
an Obama holdover, who is leaving in a few days anyway,
Trump could have instituted the ban in a few weeks,
when confederate hobbit Jeff Sessions
would have been the attorney general.
Could have just waited.
It's no wonder the whole thing's a mess.
Trump had all of the patience of a toddler
who just ate his entire birthday cake before the party.
Who are you?
You know...
(laughter)
You know, Trump's whole campaign appeal
was that he'd run the country like a business.
Remember that? Remember that he said that?
He's going to run it like a business.
And at the time, it seemed like a terrible idea
because it's a country, not a business.
But now I'm starting to wish
he would run it more like a business.
Because what kind of business would launch a new product
without telling the rest of the company about it,
without checking it with the lawyers, or most importantly,
worrying about how it would affect their brand?
What kind of company would do that?
It's not a comp-- although, I guess,
Trump is, in a way, keeping his promise.
He may not be running
but he is running it like