[Host] This season on The Bachelor,
we meet our new bachelor, entrepreneur,
sidekick, and second choice hero, Luigi.
A plumber by day and a plumber by night.
And in his free time, he likes to plumb.
This season, we tip the scales
as we introduce our very first virgin.
Crazy, right?
This guy's a virgin.
Like, come on, really?
You never diddled that pipe cleaner
into a dirty toilet hole?
- No.
- [Host] Alright, well, sorry.
Just asking.
Let's see what happens when Luigi meets 11 alpha-females
in this season of The Bachelor.
- Hi, it's a-me, Mario.
Luigi, you're about-a to meet-a 12 ladies,
one who will a-be your future wife.
A-you ready?
- I'm a-ready for a-love.
- Whatever you say, virgin.
Here-a they come.
A-good luck.
Virgin.
(cheerful melody)
(car door slams)
- Oh, my.
Look at that.
- It's got to be a myth.
(speaks Cantonese)
- Oy, you.
- Hello, I'm-a Luigi.
- Whatever.
Look, you've really never done the 'ol in-and-out?
- What?
- You know, buff the biscuit?
- Lowered your drawbridge and attacked the pink castle?
- Interfaced with the motherboard?
- Had your cake and eaten it too?
- For goodness sake, have you never taken your penis
and lobbed it into a vagina?
- No.
(ladies' overlapped chattering)
(piano instrumental)
- [Host] While the ladies settle in,
Luigi gets a chance to meet with each of his dates.
- Listen, you gotta stand out
if you want to win over a guy like Luigi.
I'm not about to go back to a life with Mario, the plumber.
Wait a minute.
- I know I've only known him for 923.435 seconds,
but I feel like I'm falling for him.
I calculate it will take 46.7 seconds to take his virginity.
- Look, I'm the real British bitch here,
and if anyone's going to take his cherry, it's me.
I'm not here to make friends.
- If anyone has experience taking cherries, it's me.
Cherries, pineapples, little white dots.
I've taken it all.
(cries)
- I'm-a so glad to meet you a-what's your name?
(bell dings)
I know, I'm-a nervous, too,
but I think I felt a connection with you.
(crickets chirp)
No.
- Um, can I borrow him for a minute?
(giggles)
(helicopter buzzes)
- Hello, I'm-a Lui--
- Oh, my God.
I just feel so much for you.
I feel like we're meant for each other.
I could tell you anything,
like the fact I'm constantly haunted
by the ghost of my past,
and I feel like I'm caught in a maze, and, and--
- Go ahead.
You can tell Luigi anything.
(cries)
- Are you seriously a virgin?
(muffled voice)
- What-a you say?
(muffled voice)
I'm a sorry, I can't understand you.
(robotic mechanism moves)
(sighs deeply)
Yes, I'm a virgin.
(robotic mechanism moves intensely)
- Oh, no, she didn't.
I'm the original ball.
I hate her.
(cries)
- Can I borrow him for a minute?
Good.
Listen, I don't care if you're a virgin.
I'm one bad, British bitch,
and I'm not here to make friends.
- Can I borrow him?
(gun clicks)
Good.
Listen, I don't care if you're a virgin.
I'm one bad, British bitch,
and I'm not here to make friends.
- What a bitch. - What a bitch.
- Doesn't she know - Doesn't she know
- I'm one bad, British bitch - I'm one bad, British bitch
- and I'm not here - and I'm not here
- to make friends? - to make friends?
- You, why don't you pull down - You, why don't you pull down
- your knickers and shove - your knickers and shove
- your pistol in your fanny? - your pistol in your fanny?
(speaks Cantonese)
(kicks loudly)
(speaks Cantonese)
- For Christ's sake, yes, I'm a virgin.
- Can I borrow him for a minute?
(speaks Cantonese)
- Oh, hello.
- So, big guy, you have to tell me the truth.
Are you really a virgin, because that really turns me on?
- Well, yes, I'm-a Luigi, and I'm a virgin.
- Ha, told ya, a virgin.
You owe me five quid.
- Oh, a-who's a-that?
- This is my brother, Jacob.
- Uh, you're a-sure he's a-not your boyfriend?
- Oh, never.
Come, brother.
Let's go to the fantasy suite to talk assassinations.
We'll be waiting for you, Luigi.
- Uh, okay?
- Hello, can I borrow you for a minute?
(overlapping ladies' voices)
(guitar instrumental)
- Hello, it's a-me, Mario.
Luigi, as a virgin, you have a-one rose to hand out tonight.
Do you think you can-a put aside your virginity
for one goddamn minute and pick one of these women
to be your virginity taker?
Hmm, virgin?
- This is the hardest part of the night.
Only one of you will get-a the rose,
and that person is...
(melodic instrumental)
(robotic mechanic moves)
(groans uncomfortably)
(crickets chirp)
(footsteps)
(door slams)
(cheerful melody)