Heya playa, there is little to no truth behind the claim that women
hate it when men express emotional vulnerability in front of them.
So why is this lie constantly pedaled in the manosphere and red pill spaces?
Part of what's demonstrated in these communities
is that there's a certain type of way to be a man that's attractive to women.
And that means being able to express emotions like anger, confidence, happiness, and excitement,
all while suppressing other emotions like sadness, fear, grief, and tenderness.
The former list of traits are probably more socially acceptable because there's a
sense of awareness and control in displaying them.
While the latter half of traits tend to rest more on the unknown and uncertainty behind it.
Why then do we have all these rules about how and when men can express certain emotions?
Is it to attract women?
Is it because of women?
Are women to blame here?
A lot of it is due to the societal expectations we place around masculinity.
This is a system that's upheld by both men and women.
We've held it for generations now because it gives us a sense of norm to follow.
Men do this, men act this way, and because of that, it allows us to put our human brain at ease.
There's also a huge fear around being vulnerable in our society.
We've pressured men to feel like they need to always be stoic, to be cool,
calm, and collected, and to always have it figured out.
So when you don't, when you're unsure yourself, when you're seeking help, or you're just scared,
you're afraid to share those feelings 'cause you think people are going to judge you.
Another missing piece to the puzzle is the lack of emotionally expressive role models for men.
Our heroes never give up, they never surrender, they never back down in the face of a challenge.
And because of that, we feel we need to rise to the occasion,
we need to also operate at that level, which sometimes can be beyond human.
And while these are problems that men are facing,
some women who are more traditional and conservative uphold these taboos as well.
They may be influenced by society around them or even have individual experiences
with different men in their lives who have shaped what it means to be a man,
and that's what they're holding as the standard for every guy they meet.
It could also be the case that women who don't like men who express their
emotions do so because they feel a sense of discomfort and insecurity around that.
They may not know how to respond because it's never been modeled for them.
So when they see a man expressing his emotions,
they just kind of freeze up and don't know what to do.
Or perhaps they're around a guy who's just constantly unloading his feelings on her.
She may feel emotionally overwhelmed and burdened by his problems,
and that can make her feel a lot less attracted to him.
Hearing that might make you think, "Okay,
whatever you do, do not talk to a woman about your problems.
She doesn't want to hear them."
But the reality is that women do want men to be more emotionally intelligent and authentic.
When men feel like they can't even talk to their partner about the hardest parts of their lives,
is it any surprise then when they suffer from high rates of depression,
anxiety, addiction, and even suicide?
We get so hung up in these traditional performative gender roles where a man
must do certain things in order to be a man that we force ourselves into what Tony Porter
calls the "man box" where we must operate within this system in order to feel a sense of worth.
And love and attraction play a huge part in that because part
of this man concept is to be desirable by women.
When you're not desirable by women, well then you're less of a man.
The simple solution offered by the red pill and manosphere spaces is to
just talk to guys about what you're going through.
Don't even bring your problems up to women.
Men are the ones who are going to understand what you're going through.
Men are not going to judge you for it.
They're not going to stigmatize you or emasculate you in the process like a woman would.
But I do think there are some issues with this approach.
That's why I would propose creating a diverse network of people you can
share things with, including both men and women.
This will give you a more well-rounded perspective from both sides.
It'll allow you to kind of destigmatize this idea of not sharing things with women.
And it'll help build your interpersonal relationships with other women,
including your own potential partner.
Because the only way you're ever going to make your relationship
work is when you are there for your partner emotionally, and they are there for you.
If the two of you are excluding each other from that part of your lives, you're never really going
to be able to work through challenges, to blossom together, to align on your values and goals.
Plus, you're going to build more attraction
for each other when you get to see the whole self that person is bringing to the table.
So talk to your partner about your emotional needs and experiences.
Just don't dump everything on her.
Have other friends you can rely on and share things with as well.
Doing so is not just going to make her lose attraction for you.
This is a myth that needs to go away.
The fact of the matter is she wants to hear about you being vulnerable.
She wants to know that you have those feelings,
and she wants to know that you are doing everything you can to be your best self.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.