where you say love is the recognition of our shared being that's correct right okay so so
if that is so then that means in that recognition we love everyone and everything if we remain in
that recognition yes it does that necessarily mean we like everybody right I understand how
to like everyone I understand that difference right I do yes okay my question is where so if
if we assume that we are in that recognition we manage to more or less remain in it and
are in that well state if it is of loving everyone and everything how does falling
in love with someone come into that equation I mean what's what what is it that makes us fall
in love with someone and not with someone else what what is that difference I guess
when you've been in love with someone and you you feel you taste the quality of the love that
you share and then you take another friendship where you're not in love with the person and
but you love them deeply and you compare these two different compare the love not the expressions the
two different expressions but the actual and then of itself it is there a difference I don't think
that there is a difference no and and I don't think that that's so much my question if it's a
different quality that the question really is more what mechanism is behind it that actually makes
that happen that makes the the falling in yes as opposed to just recognizing your shared being with
anybody and experiencing that as love if you will but what is what is going on that that happens I
mean I don't know if you have an answer to that in that way or if I'm phrasing my question properly
falling in love is usually associated with some kind of physical attraction
physical sexual attraction but then that's really that's not really about falling in
love that's just one particular expression that's one particular way that being in love with someone
can be shared and celebrated and expressed but it's quite possible to fall in love with
someone and not feel any physical attraction to them it's quite possible to fall in love
with a stranger I'm sure you've experienced that where you just you fall in love with a
stranger is not no physical attraction at all you don't want anything from them apart from
this this passing moment you know you're never going to see them again but there's something
about your connection where you just feel in love with that being for for that moment
so falling in love I I would separate it in in your mind from the physical or sexual intimacy
that very often accompanies it that's just one possible outcome one possible expression
and in them you see I mean well all friendship is really falling in love it isn't that what
friendship is do when you when you feel friendship with someone you you love that person to a greater
or lesser extent it may not have them that the full intensity of love that you feel with someone
that you're very intimate with and you feel completely in love with but nevertheless or
all friendships to a greater or lesser degree even the friendship with a stranger someone
you just pay at the checkout there is a moment of friendship it it is a degree of love it is
the same love it is you haven't completely fallen into love together you haven't completely merged
there is still some sense of separation but even the the the smile at the checkout person or the
cab driver or the homeless person that we give five dollars to in that moment there is there is
just there is a momentary collapse of the sense of separation or at least a diminishing of the sense
of separation and you feel you come close okay you maybe you don't come all the way close that
the complete falling in love where we feel utterly united with the other but nevertheless there is a
collapse of the sense of separation and what we call falling in love is usually that the full
collapse the full merging together but actually all friendship is is on that same spectrum all
friendship is to a greater or lesser degree the collapse of the sense of separation everything
whatever it is that separates us and the more that sense of separation dissolves the closer
we feel we come until when there is a complete collapse of everything that separates us we
we say we are in love we have merged we feel we are one we feel with the same being but actually
that feeling of being the same being is also the content of our more ordinary friendships although
it is not quite so fully felt it is shaded still veil still by a degree of separation
you see even when you smile at someone it when you smile at someone it's almost impossible to
feel separate from someone you smile that so what what is a smile it's the way the body expresses a
momentary collapse of the sense of separation in other words it's a little moment of lovemaking
it is it's not it's not the the full experience but nevertheless it is an expression at a at a
physical level of the the recognition of friendship but that is the recognition of
our shared being and and the minute we feel it that we put the many we feel this shared being
the body relaxes one of the ways that relaxation is expressed is is through smiling or through a
hug or or even shaking hands it's very difficult even to shake hands with somewhere unless you're
Donald Trump that you really dislike remember all those images in at the beginning of the
presidency with his awkward but but actually even when you you shake hands your I felt it
this afternoon with my I was playing tennis and and it was the last session we had so I
I just shook his hand and thanked him and wished him the the best he's moving on to
it and and in it there was such a sweet meeting when when we shook hands it was
like a little merging a little in it so much was said in in our handshake I didn't know
him well enough to give him a big hug it was just a formal English handshake well but so
much sweetness was was conveyed in it it was like a little lovemaking a little expression
of our other the recognition that underneath all our thoughts and our feelings and our activities
in that moment it was a recognition of our shared being and we both felt it
so what we conventionally called falling in love it is when when when there is this
full dissolution of thoughts and feelings and then the body when whether there's a complete
collapse of the sense of separation it's not a partial collapse it's a full collapse collapse
Linda and the impulse therefore with these two people is to come together physically because
that that is a way of expressing this this absence of the sense of separation it's just
unnatural it's that the same natural it's the same impulse when we hug someone it's
just a way of expressing the the the absence of distance it's a way of mini it's
our two bodies just merging briefly to express this this feeling we are one we share our being
I guess I mean that makes complete sense what you're saying and thank you for that I guess
the the part I'm still trying to well get an answer on is probably not the right way to say
it but is I mean if it's since we all share the same being with everybody essentially and yet at
the same time some people come along and it's it seems completely out of your control I mean
there are no more the same being as you in that moment than anybody else but yet there's such a
different uncontrollable dynamic yes why is that according to this teaching anyway
when we feel this quality of friendship with them a cab driver or a tennis coach although
we feel share being there's just a very small part of our life external life our thoughts
activities we only share a very small part of our objective experience we chat with the cab
driver on the way to SFO for 15 minutes about his family or so only that although this shared
be it still felt it impacts only a small part of us and we've don't sense that it has the
potential to impact anymore it's just a casual meeting but there are some people that we meet
and we have this intuition that if we were to come together and express this shared being
that every part of our body and mind would be touched by the relationship that no part of
us would remain unseen or closed so that that kind of relationship has a much greater power
to to to permeate every aspect of our lives so there is a that the shared being is expressed
intellectually emotionally physically in in in every way that they're there this the sense of
our shared being touches every aspect of our lives and and that there is a kind of dance that goes on
intellectually emotionally and physically in which the one's entire body mind is opened up
to the love that is shared now that you can't do it everybody you can't do with a taxi driver all
over tennis culture you can have a so the the but there are some relationships that have this
this this potential the love is the same but the impact that that love has on the configuration
of our body mind in some rare relationships is is very powerful and usually there is a please
don't ask me to explain this because I can't that there is somehow a recognition and that
was exactly the explanation thank you for how we recognized the potential exactly and what
that is is is something very mysterious cos we might also meet someone with whom we share
a great deal intellectually and emotionally and physically and and and yet you still don't feel
this potential and another person who doesn't tick all the boxes in fact some of the boxes
may even conflict a little bit and yet somehow you you you sense at a pre rational level that
if you go further into this relationship every part of your body mind will be exposed in this
love yes exactly that's exactly what I mean yes so maybe it has to do with how you just
had the configuration of the body mind and the configuration of the other body mind and some
mysterious process between the two yes it's a it's a it's a deep intuition ok because at
the moment very often at the moment of falling enough you don't know much about the exactly
its body that exact that's real and of course we're not talking about infatuation we can see
another body whether we think is it attractive physically that that's another thing altogether
this is something quite different we're here you can meet someone and even before you've spoken to
them yes you may and very often it it is not at first accompanied by physical attraction
sometimes it is but but very often you don't think oh that person is gorgeous he or she is beautiful
no that's not the first that may come later very often it's a it's a deeper attraction that's not
just a physical attraction that may or may not be included to begin with it's it's another kind
of I try it's a sort of recognition and it's um obviously very powerful it's like an inner
recognition that in your entire body mind wakes up in in the presence of this possibility thank you
I just wanted to go back to the previous conversation it occurred to me this this
recognition that we were talking about this recognition of of being in love or falling
enough when we do fall in now very often we end up getting together with that person and
spending time with them maybe the rest of our lives or a long period of time and during this
time what we felt what we intuited was possible when we first saw the person we then live out the
exploration at all levels of our experience and that inevitably we meet places that are
difficult and then conflicts inevitably develop and the tendencies then of course to move away
from the relationship but then if we go through those conflicts the relationship gets deeper and
deeper and deeper but as as I'm sure all of us if not all of us know it's quite possible to be
in such a relationship deeply loving deeply committed relationship and to meet somebody
else with whom you feel this potential in other words to meet someone that you fall
in love with it because you because you you may not know hardly anything about them but you feel
this same possibility that if you were to become closer this your entire body mind will again be
touched by this love and that can that can be a crisis in a relationship and it's again it's not
something that is it's often considered to be something that is wrong in a relationship or a
failure in a relationship or an expression that you're not worried you don't really love each
other it's not it's it's perfectly natural to see someone else or to get from begin to make a
friendship with somehow and to begin to sense this possibility it's not it's not a lack of loyalty
it's not a lack of integrity it's not a mystery and it's not a mistake it's not a failure but it
has implications for relationship of course so if we are in a relationship that we are deeply
committed to even though there may be conflicts and there are conflicts in all relationships we
may have to make a conscious choice I'm going to turn away from this person because it's too
powerful it's to the potential Larry is too strong that I don't want to I can't I can't
play with with both and sometimes you just have to make a rational decision I'm not going to go
there whereas to somebody else you could love them very much it could be a completely a very deeply
loving and platonic relationship there was not in any way threatening to our intimate relationship
you