It's nice to be here.
I actually started out doing magic.
Or as my dad called it, gay.
Weirdest gig I ever did was a magic gig.
I was in high school.
This guy called me up.
He's like, can you do a magic show for the deaf?
I was like, yeah, that's the easiest magic show
I will ever do.
And it was, right, 'cause he just had them pick cards.
I was like, I'm gonna turn around, you show everybody.
Then my friend in the back just screamed out.
Ta-da.
I just found out that the world record for most times
being hit by lightning and surviving is seven.
Did you guys know that?
A dude was hit by, and survived lightning seven times.
His name was Roy Sullivan.
He's born in Virginia 1912.
He was an American, hell yeah.
'Cause we're like 36th in math and 24th in reading,
but we are number one in personal lightning strikes.
U-S-A, U-S-A.
Seven times.
I did that joke in Australia, some guy in the audience
was like, in a row?
No, that's not a record.
He wasn't just lying on the floor just like
lightning, lightning, lightning,
Ow, ow,
why, record.
No, seven separate times over the course of a miserable
horrifically unlucky life.
Can you imagine?
What a journey.
What an emotional journey.
Okay, I feel like the first time you get hit by lightning,
you're probably just like surprised.
Right, you got hit, you're just like,
hey, was that lightning?
Someone's like, yeah you're missing an eyebrow and
you shit your pants, so yes.
Lightning.
Second time you got hit, you're like, what are the odds?
But like the third or fourth time though,
you're just like, this is who I am!
I'm lightning Roy.
Master of lightning.
By the fifth time, anger.
Terror.
Somebody goes to take a picture of you.
The flash goes off.
You think it's lightning.
You curl up in a corner.
You're like, not again, not again!
Why am I so bad at outside.
By like the sixth or seventh time,
I think I have a super power,
but I have no idea how to use it.
How would you like me to help people?
What would you like me to do?
Just like, hug a murderer and wait?
Just grab ahold of murdering-looking fellow.
He's like, what are you doing?
You're like, shhhh, justice is comin'.
Wait for it.
Seven times.
He was hit by, and survived lightning seven times,
and at the age of 71, he killed himself.
Yeah, I don't think he was depressed.
I just think he wanted to show God that it's not that hard.
Shoot straight up to heaven,
look God right in the face,
be like, nailed it, first try.
Score seven, one, that's a blow-out.
He was 71, I'm 31.
Anybody here in their 30's?
[Audience] Woooo!
Couple people willing to admit that in Hollywood.
Good for you.
I remember as a kid playing Tetris.
That was the only video game Russia ever released.
That's an amazing thing, right?
Considering they were competing with Japan,
and they were coming out with video games like
every two seconds, right?
They were amazing.
Even in the 80's, they're like, America, check this out.
Italian plumber goes to a kingdom,
eats mushrooms, crushes turtles,
gets in a dinosaur, saves the princess,
defeats a dragon.
And the Russians were like, blocks.
Organized blocks.
Is that the whole game?
No, no, if you do a good job, we take away the blocks.
How do you beat this game?
It's like life in Russia.
You lose or you die.
These are the options.
Game goes on forever 'til you give up and kill yourself.
This is life in Russia, you're welcome.
Technology's gotten better though, right?
Like we're going to Mars.
You guys know that?
We're going to Mars.
Wooo!
Yeah, and we only know how to get them there.
It's a one-way trip.
And there's still people who want to do it.
There's a hundred finalists for a one-way trip to Mars.
You can read about 'em.
One of them is a 23-year-old girl.
She's quoted in "The New Yorker" as saying,
I'm so excited, and my boyfriend is so supportive.
Honey, he's breaking up with you.
Like, he's literally counting down to the cleanest
break-up in human history.
He's a genius, right?
He's gonna be standing on that launch pad like,
I love you.
10-
9-
I'm dating your sister.
Blast off.
You guys have been great.
Thanks so much, everybody.
Thank you.
That's fantastic.
Look at that, isn't that nice?
It's amazing.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Harrison Greenbaum, that's our show!