welcome ladies and gentlemen in here out there all
around the world to The Late Show I'm your host Stephen Colbert and
it's wonderful to be here tonight with friends because uh we have we have we have sad news
from New Zealand their prime minister Jacinda ardern announced she will step down next month
no no Jacinda if you're not prime minister who's going to pick me up from the airport
in Auckland now this is the biggest story to Rock New Zealand since Dave spots new sheep
and what I don't understand is why I'm leaving because with such a privileged
role comes responsibility I know what this job takes and I know that I no longer have enough
in the tank to do it justice wait wait a second she's leaving because it's the right thing to do
she didn't lose an election or steal classified documents or have a Boris Johnson sex party
are you kiwi sure you know what how democracy works you have even one deranged pillow salesman
thank you she continues after going on six years of some big challenges I am human politicians
are human except Marjorie tell a green she seems with some sort of coconut with a wig on a stick
Arden
you can see Aaron got a little choked up there but she sees the bright side of the post-political
life I'm looking forward to spending time with my family once again and so to Neve mum is looking
forward to being there when you start school this year that is so beautiful that really is that is
absolutely that's her that's what she's like that is so beautiful and so selfish sure you want to
spend your time with your daughter but what about your other daughter me remember when we barbecued
in your backyard with Lord you're the only world leader that I'm friends with don't make me start
hanging out with Justin Trudeau sure he's pretty to look at but he smells like hot yoga and poutine
and it's not just the kids it's not just the kids jacinda's also leaving me for her fiancee
into Clark let's finally get married Clark you better say yes okay I am saving the
date put me down for fish because you two have found your flower girl
this ends their Mark a remarkable run for Jacinda ardern in in in in office
she went in 2017 right she became the world's youngest world leader and the youngest leader
of New Zealand in over 150 years when she was elected at the age of 37 in her second term
she formed the most diverse government in New Zealand's history her leadership on covid kept
her country largely free from the virus until last year and after the horrific gun massacre
in Christchurch she spearheaded legislation to ban assault rifles just six days later December
well done
please rest up because we need you to come to America to run in 2024. because
you may be a kiwi but at 42 you are constitutionally old
enough to be a President's grandchild
well uh it's uh what is it is it Thursday it's a day of the week and you know what that means
we have found out more lies about Republican Congressman George Santos also known as Anthony
devolder also known as Anthony zabrovsky also known as George divulger now that's too many names
for one person but just enough for one Law Firm today's new Santos lie is uh his fake Glamorous
Life in New York City as he told this podcast host I've been ostracized from every single
possible Social Circle I was a guy who used to go to the Met Gala I'm not invited back oh honey
oh honey you're not invited back because you were never invited in the first place okay
unless you're tuster Met Gala
It's So Glamorous last year's theme was baseball head
today we also learned about another Santos Persona because according to Associates he
used to be a drag queen in Brazil pageants wow George Santos did something interesting
all his other lives are super boring like I worked at a bank and my mother is a volleyball
sources say that Santa's performing under the drug name kitara ravage really
Katara ravage that's what he went with I would have gone with something fun like Anita Alibi or
Ivana Pawn your jewelry but Katara ravage never made her to the big leagues according
to a fellow drag performer he did not have what it takes to be a professional
George did not have the glamor for that oh snap GOP tell you what I tell you
what the GOP better ban books faster because Santos just got red for Phil
I have been told that means something I'm not sure what I just said [Applause] of course George
Santos denies all of this and I can understand why his party the GOP has declared war on drag queens
all over the country over the last year they don't care that Santos is a Serial liar who steals
money intended for dying dogs but for Republicans finding out he performed drag would be as bad as
finding out that he officiated a wedding between the Green Eminem and a coveted vaccine well
now here here's something I talked about this last night and and now it's happened the U.S has
reached its 31.4 trillion dollar debt ceiling now normally Congress automatically raises the
debt limit as needed but House Republicans are refusing in order to Leverage The standoff to
extract major spending cuts on social programs including Social Security and Medicare that is
an insane negotiating tactic That's pretty drastic looks like a husband saying honey
we're spending too much on entertainment so either we cancel one of our streaming
services or I shove your grandpa into the river which is it Netflix or p-pop
so far the White House is rejecting what it says are hostage demands using the debt ceiling
as a weapon so it could be a long battle and a long me talking about it because as Punchbowl
news put it welcome to the next six months of your life well there goes dry January and and
gaming you guys know and drive February and no meth March the debt ceiling isn't the only thing
Biden has to worry about because a suspected Russian spy ship has been spotted off the coast
of Hawaii oh no you know they're desperate for Ratings when they do a Hawaii episode kids gets
unhorsed Fulton family is going to Honolulu we will say aloha to journalists and then we will say
Aloha to a journalists it's not the first time the rooskis have been sniffing around our Shores
recently the same Russian spy ship was spotted sailing off the coast of South Carolina wow
I'm surprised I didn't see it I do a lot of fishing down there in my home
state though this might explain why that one fish was so big and yelling at me in Russian
fried up real good though oh there's huge news yes eating humans why not
that's like a nice cannibal joke there's huge news from Washington where we're learning and
is this true is this is this true has this been verified an old man ate a hamburger
here's what happened to promote small businesses a president ordered lunch from a DC Burger Joint
surprising the employee who took the call ER Britney speaking how may I help you hi
Brian this is Joe Biden now I'd like to place an order for lunch if I could okay
well I'd like to have a bacon cheeseburger with American cheese and a side of french fries I'll
have someone come pick it up okay how big is a ghost Burgers these days it's pretty good oh
good okay I'm looking forward to having lunch okay okay there you go all right hello I gotta tell you
I love lunch bread one of my top three meals behind dinner and Jello cup you know
back in Scranton we didn't have McDonald's and forget in and out we just had out
doors weren't really a big thing back then everyone slept in one big room like that old
Charlie Bucket guy good old Chucky buckies chubby Powell still stuck in that pneumatic choco tube
rest in power Augustus glute according to good all right
according to AIDS aka the president's hamburger helpers Biden enjoyed his lunch but he did get
the ghost burger with no spooky sauce which is either a ghost Burger Special
Sauce or what Biden calls ketchup he doesn't trust we got a great show for you tonight my
Kissinger and when we come back I asked Congressman George Santos
it's a very very tough questions stick around
[Music]
thank you