I feel so guilty knowing that I held Spencer back
from finding true love.
Don't blame yourself. Your brother's an idiot.
Nice place, though.
What if I hire a really expensive matchmaker
- for Spencer? - That's a terrible idea.
What if I already hired a really expensive matchmaker
to help Spencer and I can't get my deposit back?
Then, yay, best sister ever.
Her name is McKenna Donna Thaci,
and apparently she's on this show called
- Code Red Flags. - Code Red Flags?
You hired the host of Code Red Flags
to find Spencer a match?
You know her?
Uh, yeah. Obsessed. I've seen every single episode.
I even submitted an audition tape
once or twice or 17 times.
She says that every single guy is either one or two things,
a red flag or a Mr. Cool Guy.
What's a Mr. Cool Guy?
It's her prototype for the perfect guy;
frosted tips, tasteful choker and tattoos in a language
he does not speak.
Oh, my God, that's her!
Hey, McKenna. I'm Carly.
And I'm Carly's roommate, Harper. Huge, huge fan.
Can I try on your shoes?
In your mind, you can.
So, Carly, before I fix up your brother,
I need to make sure there are no red flags.
Ooh.
Now there are three, in particular
that every man should avoid.
Red flag number one, no roommates.
If he still splits the rent, she shall not consent.
'Cause that's a red flag, y'all.
I love it when she says it.
Well, Spencer owns this very apartment,
so one for one.
Red flag number two, height. One should just be tall.
If you're under 5' 9", don't waste my time
'cause that's a red flag, bitch.
Be tall.
It seems like a hard rule to follow, but Spencer does.
And red flag number three is immaturity.
See women want a man who's confident
but doesn't demand attention at all times.
If he acts like a baby, it's not even a maybe.
S'up?
Oh, uh, Spencer, your bonnet.
Uh, Carly, your face.
Spencer, hi.
McKenna Donna Thaci, professional matchmaker
with an extremely high success rate
and owner of four cars.
You helping Harper? She's single and has no cars.
Spencer. Don't tell McKenna I have no cars.
This is my gift to you.
You said you hadn't met the one.
Uh, I don't really have trouble getting ladies.
But if it makes you happy, Carly,
I'll go out on multiple dates with beautiful women.
Just no Caitlins. I am so done with Caitlins.
Finally, we can catch up on The Good Fight .
Hey, you didn't watch any episodes without me, right?
No. But I might have had a dream
with the exact plot of the next three episodes.
Oh, you're the worst liar.
You're the worst liar.
[laughing]
So what are we thinking for dinner:
lamb chops or spaghetti?
Oh, Pearl doesn't eat meat so...
Lamb chops, it is.
Great. So now you're going to bully my girlfriend too?
I smell a rat.
Mmm. You've been talking with Millicent, haven't you?
Yep. And if our little Milli Vanill
doesn't trust Pearl, then neither do I.
She's the first woman you've seriously dated
since adopting Millicent. I'm just looking out for her.
Who, Pearl?
No, Millicent.
Not that mousy haired barnacle you scraped off a crab trap.
She... saw me right?
I'm sorry. She and Millicent are struggling
to get used to me being in a real relationship.
They somehow figured out a way to make sure
that I only get male Uber drivers.
Look, as long as you're living under your mother's roof,
she's going to treat you like a child.
Just my opinion.
She does not treat me like a child.
Babykins, you want your lamb chops cubed
and not touching anything else on the plate, like always?
[laughing]
My food can touch.
Oh, are we sad eating or sex eating?
Can't help but notice the two plates
and the zero underwear.
I have met... the lady of my dreams.
She's intelligent, she's funny.
I'm pretty sure she has two tongues.
I'm sorry. I doubted you, sis.
You were so right to hire McKenna.
So, who is my future sister-in-law?
Morning.
Oh, hey, McKenna.
Whoa. Spencer has that same robe.
Hey, this is Nathan Kress from iCarly.
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