GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE GOING TO GET RIGHT INTO
IT.
DONE ALL TRUMP, DID YOU SEE
THIS, IS STILL DECIDING WHO TO
PUT IN HIS CABINET.
SO YESTERDAY HE SAT DOWN TO
DINNER WITH MITT ROMNEY AT THE
GOURMET JEAN-GEORGES FRENCH
RESTAURANT IN THE TRUMP
INTERNATIONAL HOTEL BECAUSE
NOTHING SAYS MAN OF THE PEOPLE
LIKE EATING AN $800 DINNER IN A
TOWER YOU NAMED AFTER YOURSELF.
DID YOU GUYS REMEMBER JUST A
COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO WHEN ROMNEY
TWEETED THAT TRUMP'S QUOTE VIEL
DEGRADATIONS DEMEAN OUR WIVES
AND DAUGHTERS, AND CORRUPT
AMERICA'S FACE TO THE WORLD?
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT.
YOU DO?
YEAH.
APPARENTLY HE DOESN'T.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
DURING THE CAMPAIGN MITT ROMNEY
CALLED TRUMP A PHONEYK A FRAUD
AND A CONMAN, SO IF YOU ARE
WONDERING WHAT WAS ON THE DINNER
MENU ROMNEY STARTED BY EATING
HIS WORDS.
THEN THE MAIN COURSE HE
SWALLOWED HIS PRIDE, DIGNITY AND
SELF-ESTEEM.
(LAUGHTER)
AND FOR DESSERT, CAKE.
(APPLAUSE)
THERES WITH A PHOTO TAKEN AT THE
MEAL, THIS IS A PHOTO, LOOK AT
THIS.
THERE THEY ARE.
CAN WE-- CAN WE GET A CLOSEUP ON
THEIR FACES.
LOOK, LOOK IT.
(LAUGHTER)
MAN, AND YOU THOUGHT YOUR
THANKSGIVING MEAL WAS AWKWARD.
LACK AT MITT ROMNEY.
LACK AT THAT.
THAT IS THE EXACT SAME FACE HE
MAKES WHEN HIS WIVE CATCHES HIM
WATCHING A PG-13 MOVIE ON
NETFLIX.
HONEY, I THOUGHT IT WAS PIRATES
OF THE CARIBBEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW.
PEOPLE ARE ALREADY ACCUSING
TRUMP OF USING HIS WIND WIN TO
FILL HIS OWN POCKETS.
THERE MAY BE TRUTH TO THAT
BECAUSE TRUMP'S WEBSITE RECENTLY
STARTED SELLING THIS ITEM.
IT IS A MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT THAT SELLS
FOR $149.
(LAUGHTER)
IT IS THE PERFECT ORNAMENT FOR
PEOPLE THAT WANT THEIR NEIGHBORS
TO SAY WOW, LOOK AT THAT
CHRISTMAS TREE, IT'S SO BEAU
TIF-- OKAY, WE HAVE TO GO NOW,
(APPLAUSE)
I MEAN IF YOU HAVE I ABOUT IT,
IT MAKES SENSE FOR TRUMP TO SELL
A CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT BECAUSE IN
KEEPING WITH THE THEME OF HIS
CAMPAIGN, IT'S ANOTHER THING
THAT JEWS AND MUSLIMS CAN'T
PARTICIPATE IN.
COME ON.
(APPLAUSE)
YOU CAN'T-- YOU CAN'T GO OH AND
THEN CLAP.
ITS PRETTY MUCH ONE OR THE
OTHER.
OH, I DON'T KNOW IF I --
(APPLAUSE)
ALTHOUGH IF ARE YOU HAVING
TROUBLE GETTING IN THE CHRISTMAS
SPIRIT YOU MIGHT WANT TO MOVE TO
JAPAN WHERE DOMINOES IS DOING A
PROMOTION WHERE THEY SAY YOUR
PIZZA WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOUR
DOOR STEP VIA REINDEER.
I KNOW.
EVEN SANTA CLAUS WAS LIKE I
DON'T BELIEVE THIS IS REAL.
HOW IS THIS EVEN GOING TO WORK.
PEOPLE ARE LIKE OKAY, HERE'S
YOUR PIZZA.
HERE ARE YOUR BREAD BITES AND
JUST A WARNING, THAT IS NOT A
STEAMING CHOCOLATE LAVA CAKE ON
YOUR LAWN.
IN OTHER WEIRD JAPANESE NEWS OR
AS THEY CALL IT IN JAPAN, NEWS,
THERE ARE NOW PLANS FOR A PARK
IN JAPAN THAT WILL BE A
COMBINATION OF A HOT SPRING SPA
AND AN AMUSEMENT PARK.
YEAH, I KNOW, IT EITHER SOUNDS
NICE OR LIKE A SANITARY
NIGHTMARE.
WE'LL LET YOU BE THE JUDGE.
HERE IS A PROMOTIONAL VIDEO THEY
PUT TOGETHER TO GET FUNDING.
♪
(APPLAUSE)
I MEAN I CAN'T-- IT'S
LIKE-- IT'S PERFECT IF YOU LOVE
AMUSEMENT PARK ICE CREAM BUT
WISH IT HAD JUST A LITTLE BIT
MORE HEPATITIS.
I MEAN MAYBE THEY'RE ON TO
SOMETHING.
THE ALSO TIME I GOT A RELAXING
MASSAGE AT A DAY SPA THE WHO WOL
TIME I WAS THINKING DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS IS MISSING, BUMPER
CARS.
SERIOUSLY, AN AMUSEMENT PARK
THAT HAS FULL SPA SERVICES DOES
SOUND LIKE THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON
EARTH ON AT LEAST THE PLACE ON
EARTH WITH THE MOST HAPPY
ENDINGS.
THANK YOU.