If you've ever dealt with or are dealing with
an emotionally broken man
then you know firsthand
how draining this can be.
You know how difficult it can be
you know how much work it requires of you
if you're trying to
move things along with this individual
and at the end of the day, for most women
it ends up being all in vain.
It doesn't work out
you end up with more hurt and disappointment.
And that's why it's so important as a woman
that you learn how to recognize
when you're dealing with this kind of man.
Now, I know people say that
we're all hurt, we're all damaged,
whatever words you want to use because
some people don't like the word damaged or broken
but work with me here.
Because understand what I’m trying to convey
someone who is holding on to past trauma,
someone who has not healed
has not resolved their deeper issues.
And though people like to believe that
we all have issues
the fact remains that
not everyone is still holding on to those issues.
Many people have set themselves free
many people have done the work and found peace.
So, we can't allow that to be an excuse
or a scape goat because when you do that
you now start making excuses for this man
when he does show you the signs.
You start convincing yourself that
it's okay maybe because
you have some things you haven't resolved.
But understand that all of it is unhealthy
all of it needs to be addressed.
But again, let's start with recognizing
when you're dealing with this.
So, the first thing and this...
You may not have heard this anywhere else
but the first thing I need you to pay attention to is
when he praises toxic behavior
and toxic characters, all right.
So, let's start with toxic behavior.
You know what, let's talk about it all.
Because I’m going to be
completely transparent with you
when I came up with this first one
I was thinking about a lot of the bad advice
that many men are getting online, all right.
And now let me make it clear
I’m not throwing shade at nobody
so do not please assume
that I’m talking about anyone in specific,
don't do that, I don't do that here
I don't attack people in any kind of way.
But the reality is that there's a lot of
toxic unhealthy advice floating around.
And a lot of it has
spoken to the hurt of many men,
which is why you'll find some men
who are not only celebrating
and applauding and spreading this toxic information
they're damn near worshiping
the people who push the information.
Worshiping the figures behind
the information, all right.
And the reality is that
this is a huge red flag
a huge sign of emotional distress within that man.
Because let me make it clear to you
and let me first differentiate a couple things
we're not talking about a joke
here and there, all right.
I know some healthy men that may have seen
some of this advice and make a joke.
A joke is not what I’m talking about, all right.
And even a level of agreeance
with some of the information
is not what I’m talking about because I do think that
listen, even people who give
bad or toxic or unhealthy information
sometimes say very accurate things.
So, you know, some people are able to
take what they can from it and throw away the rest.
That doesn't mean the man
is emotionally damaged or broken
it's when it goes beyond that
to one, the defense of
this information or these figures
no matter what's being said.
An inability to hold them to any standard of
a healthy positive information
being put out there, okay.
And again, like I said worshiping,
celebrating it, holding it in such high regard
this is when it's a problem.
Because again, as I mentioned earlier
the reality is this a lot of
and again, toxic behaviors as well
is included in this because sometimes
you may have a situation
maybe it's a video you see online
maybe you're watching with the guy that you're dating
and there's something very toxic
and he's looking at it as is something great
or he's actually celebrating what's happening
rather than calling it out for what it is
or at least being able to see
yo, that's not healthy, you know I’m saying
at least being able to acknowledge that.
And so, the point that
I really want to drive home is that
when you see men gravitate so deeply to this stuff
it is because nine times... 99 times out of 100
if not 100 out of 100
I always want to leave exceptions because
there are always exceptions to the rule.
But 99% of the time
it's because that man has been hurt
and has not healed.
And that information that toxic information
speaks directly to the hurt
validates the bitterness.
And I feel the need to say this,
it's hitting my spirit
the same thing happens to some of you all.
Some of you all are getting advice or
celebrating very unhealthy
toxic behaviors as a woman.
And the truth is you do it
because you have not resolved the hurt within you.
And when we are dwelling in negativity
we are drawn to the negativity
we find comfort in the dysfunction.
We find comfort in the toxic behaviors.
It helps us make ourselves feel better about ourselves
for those who are dealing with it.
Because I’m good, I’m healed.
But now listen, the point is
and I want all of you to get to that place.
But yes, you got to pay attention to
what men are feeding their spirit?
What men are celebrating and holding high regard?
What principles
are they now holding themselves to
because that will speak a lot to
where they are and what they've been through
and what has not been resolved in them.
And it's something that has to be addressed.
All right, so let's move on to the second sign
you're dealing with an emotionally broken man
and that's when
it's always everyone else is wrong, all right.
So, and essentially he doesn't take accountability.
So, you come across these individuals
and again, this is about the men
but I feel the need to say
if you find yourself on this list
humble yourself enough
to be able to accept it for what it is
and realize that you have some things to address.
Just want to put it out there
but let's get back to focusing on the men.
So, the man who's
it's always everyone else who's wrong
this is important that when you're getting
to know a guy
you pay close attention
and you'd have discussions
about things that happened in his life.
So that you can then see
how did he process it,
learn from it, grow from it.
Or does he make that story about
this person that person
he is always the victim in the story
and it's never about what he did wrong
this is a problem.
Again, there is no healthy person,
no person who has taken time to heal
and isn't able to self-reflect
isn't able to hold themselves accountable
isn't able to embrace where they have fallen short.
And they also understand that
falling short doesn't mean you stay there
you get back up and you get better.
So, when someone shows the habit
the consistent pattern
of always blaming other individuals
clearly he has emotional issues.
Now, here is why this is...
I’m sure most of you know but sometimes
maybe not everyone's aware.
A big reason why you cannot overlook this
is because you got to understand
that if he's doing this with other people
he's going to do it with you.
If you guys move forward in a relationship
and he makes any mistakes
or you attempt to hold him accountable
all this man will do is deflect
because he does not know
to even... How to take criticism in any kind of way
he does not know how to look at himself in the mirror
he has not evolved in that way as a man
as a human being.
So, to be in a relationship with someone
who never takes accountability
one, there's no way you will find happiness
and peace in that relationship.
There is no way you guys will be able to grow
into something better.
There is no way that you will be able to handle
the pitfalls or the obstacles thrown your way that
any relationship goes through.
So, you cannot make excuses for that or think
oh, well, he did that with other people
he won't do it with me
he say he love me
so I’m good.
No, no, because someone who is
able to take accountability
shows that consistently in their life
and the same thing in reverse
someone who doesn't shows it consistently in their life
you cannot think
it's just going to stay over there
and not come over here.
It's not going to happen like that.
So, pay very close attention
because again, it's another thing that
needs to be addressed.
All right, so let's keep this going to number three
and before I mention number three
notice I keep ending
each point and I’m going to continue to do that
by saying it needs to be addressed.
Because again, I remind you
I am not ever going to encourage you to simply
run when you see these things.
You must address it
and I’m going to explain with more clarity
why addressing first is important.
Because I see so many people that say oh, hell no
once the red flag is there I’m out
what's the point? We ain't got time for that,
so on and so forth.
I will explain at the end
but let's continue.
So, the third thing on this list is that
he consistently dwells in his past, all right.
So, the reality is this,
we all will go through something.
We all will go through disappointments and hurts.
And as I mentioned earlier
it's about learning how to
process the moments of disappointment,
learning how to learn from it
and then grow from it and then move forward.
When we are not able to move forward
and we keep holding on to what happened
one, we're not letting the new things
that God wants to bless us
we have come into our lives.
But more importantly, not more importantly
but just as importantly is that
we now become paralyzed in life.
And that individual dwelling in their past
is unable to progress in life
the way that they need to.
But in a relationship
it will make it worse because their paral...
Them being paralyzed
will paralyze you as well, all right.
Them being unable to
move past whatever happened to them
is going to affect you as well.
Now, one of the things I want to mention
that's hitting my spirit again
as far as living in the past
is not being over an ex.
So, the unfortunate reality is that
a lot of people are getting into relationships
never truly healing from their past relationship.
And whether they want to admit it or not
and some are not
admitting it to themselves they're living in denial of it
they still have a lot lingering
with the ex.
Now, things lingering with the ex doesn't mean
they want to be with them so to speak.
In some cases it is
but it just means that they have not
truly freed themselves from that situation
and now that does not allow them to
embrace the current relationship
and honestly it doesn't even allow them to
choose the right relationship.
I always say people who haven't healed
are 99% likely to choose
the wrong relationship
for various reasons.
But getting back to this man
still dwelling on his ex
I feel the need to say this
if this comes about
if you start to notice that there's a woman and...
Man, a lot of stuff is hitting my spirit right now
so I got to say this too.
Sometimes that ex is still his friend, all right.
Some of you all are dealing with that,
some of you all will deal with it,
some of you have seen it in other people's lives.
Where the ex is still his friend
and he is not fully released this woman.
Now, I’m not attacking all friendships of ex's,
not saying that none of them can't be fully platonic,
but I’m going to keep it real with you.
In most cases, there's some unresolved stuff there.
And so, when he...
When you start to see this
whether that woman is present in his life
in some capacity or not
I feel the need to tell you that
do not fall into getting into
a competition with this woman.
I think a lot of times
issues like this are overlooked
because the woman falls into the trap
the new woman falls into the trap of now
as I said competing with this other woman.
I’m not going to lose this man to her.
I’m not going to let her think she's better than me.
Especially if that woman gave you a bad look,
said something wrong to you.
If she did anything to make you feel
like she's not respecting you
it can be very easy for many
to fall into the trap of battling her
and now losing sight of the fact that
this man has not handled his business.
And if he really loves you
if he's really into you
if he's really serious about you
he should not put you in a position that
you have to even consider
battling some other woman.
He should be handling that
nipping it in the bud and that's it,
it's done and it's over.
So, I just had to mention that because it happens
more than you all think, all right.
And I don't want that happening to you.
But the overall point here is
whether it be past relationship
whether it be
disappointment from a job he missed out on
or something he felt betrayed and cheated at
maybe he's still holding on to
friends that stabbed him in the back
whatever the case may be
this is a problem.
Because again, the other mistake
that many make is thinking that
this emotional damage
and let's just use friendship
let's say it's an old friend
that did damage to him.
Thinking that the wound
from that situation would not leak blood onto you,
it will in different little ways it will.
Are there some situations where
people have managed to not allow it
to really negatively impact their partner?
I want to say yes but honestly no.
And the reason why I’m going to say no is this,
even if it hasn't directly and...
Or more blatantly impacted their new partner
the negativity that resides from it
seeps into the relationship
one way or another, all right.
So, you're going to pay a price.
So, again, this is why we cannot just
overlook these things and think
everything will be okay
because that had nothing to do with me specifically
and they seem to be functioning right now.
It's like someone being a functioning alcoholic
they're still an alcoholic
they still have an issue
and that issue can still rear its ugly head
and cause a huge problem.
So, don't make excuses for it
and make sure you address it.
Hey, thank you for watching this video
be sure to check this one out right here
and I'll see you there.
Listen, you deserve a man
who loves you, respects you, and cherishes you.
Do not settle for less.
So, please understand
if he does any of the things
I'm going to mention in this video
it is time to let him go...