the category top 10 signs your brother is the Unabomber top 10 signs now your brother
is the Unabomber from what we've uh been led to believe the uh the Unabomber was apparently
turned in by his family they have found something suspicious some articles from documents in
the old uh Homestead back there in Illinois put two and two together and realized that
for the last 17 years the guy who shows up in the hooded sweatshirt and the sunglasses
every year for Thanksgiving was in fact the Unabomber I just finally attended him oh my
God it's the universe
so here we go now top 10 signs your brother is the Unabomber here we go number 10.
when they show schedule bomber on TV he says what a good looking guy at number nine subscribes
to Dangerously quiet loner magazine number eight always bragging that he's bombed more
than Joe Piscopo number seven even in baby pictures he's wearing a hood and sunglasses
number five he's a twisted recluse who considers himself above the laws of society oh no no
wait that's that's Michael Jackson I'm sorry number five number five I asked his friends
to call him Yuna for short uh number four keeps doing his lame impression of Jimmy JJ
Walker saying dynomite
at number three he's been trying frantically to get a hold of Johnny Cochran now number
two May 8th 1970 Becky Johnson turns him down for the prom May 9 1970 Becky Johnson explodes
the number one sign your brother is the Unabomber favorite cable channel TNT there it is you
know for the last 20 years the FBI has been tracking a maniacally devious letter bombing
terrorist known as the Unabomber the Unabomber threatens to continue his acts of violence
unless the media publishes his personal Manifesto so now in the interest of National Security
here to read his Manifesto ladies and gentlemen the man himself please welcome the Unabomber
[Music] [Applause] [Music]
hello Unabomber
good evening citizens of the United States of America coming up in the next half hour
Chef Georges Perrier and singer Alanis Morissette tomorrow night Bill Cosby Leroy Parnell and
Clive Barker
now wait a minute uh Unabomber you've been terrorizing the Nations for years and then
that's all you wanted to say really oh oh yeah one more thing uh be your own dog drink
Red Dog beer good night everybody [Applause] and Now ladies and gentlemen the category
from the home office in Grand Rapids Michigan top 10 things found in the Unabomber's cabin
now you know the Unabomber living out there in Montana and he has like a 10 by 12 uh Shack
and the FBI had been searching it now for two weeks top 10 things now found in the Unabomber's
cabinet Shack in Montana here we go number 10.
a fridge full of Swanson's hungry psycho Frozen entrees number nine first draft of new CBS
pilot Kaczynski and Hutch number eight every single album CD or cassette ever recorded
by John Tesh number seven Top Hat Kane and formal hooded sweatshirt number six two-year
supply of Mary Kay products oh that's nice that's not so very bad a fan letter to Ricky
Lake reading simply go Ricky [Applause] hey Cochran's discard number three
killing Manifesto to Penthouse Magazine about the time two flight attendants needed help
with a flat tire number two wacky sign on door if this cabin's ticking better run like
the Dickens and they're doing things on the November's cabin Jimmy the unipoodle there
you have it you know ladies and gentlemen for the last 20 years the FBI has been tracking
down a maniacally devious letter bombing terrorist known as the Unabomber the Unabomber threatens
to continue his acts of violence unless the media that would be us publishes his Manifesto
so now in the interest of National Security here to read his Manifesto is the man himself
ladies and Gentlemen please welcome the Unabomber Unabomber [Music] hello Unabomber nice hair
thank you very much
good evening citizens of the United States of America I've observed a puzzling phenomenon
involving wire hangers every time I open my closet the number of wire hangers appears
to have increased by several hundred percent what are they doing in there having sexual
intercourse
Unabomber that's it that's the that's the whole Manifesto that's what the big deal is
all about here oh well no I have this other piece about how hard it is to open those Airline
peanuts well thank you very much Unabomber for stopping by I appreciate it oh
um by the way uh tomorrow night I'll be opening up for uh Carrot Top at Rutgers University
and remember be your own dog drink Red Dog beer good night everybody
[Music] it's tough to book the Unabomber we're very very lucky to get together from the home
office in Wahoo Nebraska the category tonight top 10 summer fun tips from the Unabomber
ah your must-have top 10 summer fun tips from uh the Unabomber here we go number ten light
colored loose fitting hooded sweatshirts number nine if you're having trouble lighting the
barbecue trying Napalm number eight uh many resorts offer fabulous troubled loner discount
packages number seven next to your 10 by 12 foot Shack build a one by two foot guest Shack
number six join your dog for a refreshing flea dip number five for an extra kick fill
water balloons with nitroglycerin number four and the category once again top 10 summer
fun tips from the Unabomber number four make your own sunscreen out of swamp water and
rabbit entrolls number three go to
number three go to beach make clumsy passes at women get turned down plot Revenge number
two properly placed charges can make any rental car a convertible
and a bomber get wacky new bumper sticker Unabomber's do it with a bang [Applause] [Music]