WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," ALREADY IN PROGRESS IN YOUR
LOCAL CBS STATIONS.
FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS A SIX-TIME EMMY AWARD-WINNING
ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM "THE SIMPSONS," "THE BIRDCAGE," AND
"ALONG CAME POLLY."
HE NOW STARS IN THE FOURTH AND FINAL SEASON OF "BROCKMIRE."
PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," HANK AZARIA!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> NO, NO, NO, NO.
HELLO!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IT'S FINE.
>> IS IT OKAY?
>> Stephen: WE FUME-- WE FUMIGATE BETWEEN GUESTS.
>> YOU WIPE IT DOWN?
>> Stephen: WE DO, HONEST TO GOD, THE CHAIRS, THE AUDIENCE,
EVERYTHING IS STERILIZED BETWEEN SHOWS.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
YOU DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THE ELBOWS.
>> NO FIST S.
>> Stephen: THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.
>> NO FISTS, NO ELBOWS, NO NOTHING.
WHICH IS ALSO MY POLICY WHEN I SHOOT ADULT FILMS BY THE WAY--
NO FISTS, NO ELBOWS, AND HAS BEEN FOR YEARS.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR LIMIT.
>> NOBODY-- NOBODY TOUCH ME.
DON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT THE MONITOR.
AND THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I WON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT.
I UNDERSTAND, NO, I UNDERSTAND.
BUT HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR WAY-- HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR LIFE IN ANY
OTHER WAYS THAN, LIKE, BEING ON TALK SHES?
>> WELL, YES.
>> Stephen: HOW ABOUT IN THE WORLD?
>> I'M A CELEBRITY, STEPHEN, AS YOU WELL KNOW.
>> Stephen: I AM AWARE.
>> AND APPARENTLY I'M ONE OF THEM "APPROACHABLE TYPE"
CELEBRITY S.
>> Stephen: THOSE ARE THE WORST KIND.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THAT.
>> Stephen: NO.
>> ESPECIALLY NOW.
BECAUSE I GET APPROACHED A LOT.
>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENS ON THE APPROACH?
>> WELL, THE OTHER DAY, YOU KNOW, BIG DUDE STRIDED-- "HEY, I
LOVE YOUR WORK.
I GOTTA SHAKE YOUR HAND."
HE SAID, "I GOTTA SHAKE YOUR HAND."
>> Stephen: AND YOU SAID-- >> I HANDLED IT WELL.
>> Stephen: OH, DID YOU?
>> YI WENT LIKE THIS,, CORONA!
CORONA!
AND MY VOICE WENT UP LIKE NINE OCTAVES.
I SOUNDED LIKE SUNNY COCOA PUFFS.
I'M CUCKOO FOR CORONAVIRUS.
>> Stephen: ONE OF THE FIRST EFFECTS.
>> I ALMOST WENT FULL JACK NICKEL SON FROM "AS GOOD AS IT
GETS" ON HIM.
YOU ALSO CAN'T INJECT ME WITH THE PLAGUE, IN CASE YOU WERE
WONDERING.
THANKS A LOT.
THANKS!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> I GOT A MILLION OF THESE VOICES!
>> Stephen: I KNOW.
SO FINAL SEASON-- I HATE TO SAY IT.
I HATE TO BE-- THE FINAL SEASON OF "BROCKMIRE."
HOW MANY OF THE FINAL?
HOW MANY IS THIS NOW?
>> THIS WAS OUR FOURTH SEASON.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD RIN.
FOUR YEARS IS A GOOD RUN.
>> GOOD RUN BY SHOW BUSINESS STANDARDS, YES, SURE.
>> Stephen: SURE WHAT OTHER-- >> COLLEGE, THAT'S WHAT YOU
WANT.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, FOUR YEARS.
>> Stephen: YEAH,.
>> SAD TO SEE IT GO.
BUT WE'RE A CULT HIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS "CULT HIT?"
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
>>--T MEANS IT'S A GREAT SHOW THAT NOBODY WATCH S.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE SHOULD DEFINITELY WATCH THIS SHOW.
>> THEY SHOULD.
CURIOSITY IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE, LIKE, 98% RATING ON
"ROTTEN TOMATOES."
AND THAT MEANS-- WHO'S COUNT AGO THAT MEANS 35 OUT OF 36 GOOD
REVIEWS.
>> Stephen: YES?
>> NOT THAT I PAY ATTENTION TO THAT KIND OF THING.
>> Stephen: YES, YES...
>> I THINK THE PROBLEM IS THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THE
SHOW ARE ME AND THE 36 "ROTTEN TOMATOES PEOPLE.
GENERAL CURIOSITY-- MAY I ADDRESS YOUR AUDIENCE.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> I DON'T NEED HOUSE LIGHTS UP.
I ACTUALLY DON'T WANT-- NOBODY LOOK AT ME STILL.
( LAUGHTER )
BUT BE HONEST.
DON'T MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.
JUST BE PURELY HONEST.
APPLAUD IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE SHOW "BROCKMIRE."
( LIGHT APPLAUSE ).
>> THAT'S LIKE A SMATTERING.
THAT'S WHAT WE CALL A SMATTERING OF-- YEAH.
YOU KNOW WHAT, ACTUALLY-- NOW, DON'T BE HONEST.
MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.
WHO'S SEEN THE SHOW?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I NEVER MISS AN EPISODE.
>> THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT, DON'T OVERDO IT!
THAT'S INSINCERE.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT BELIEVABLE.
THAT'S A "LIED CLAP."
BY THE WAY.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
>> Stephen: I'M GOOD WITH THOSE.
I'M GOING TO MISS THOSE NEXT WEEK WHEN I DON'T HAVE THE
AUDIENCE.
WHO IS GOING TO CHANT MY NAME, HANK AZARIA?
>> I'LL SIT OUT THERE, IF YOU'D LIKE.
I'M A VOICEOVER SO I CAN RECORD IT FOR YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU'LL RECORD ALL 400 DIFFERENT VOICES.
>> IT WILL SEEM LIKE A BIG CROWD OF PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
FANTASTIC.
I'M A BIG FAN OF THIS JACKET THAT YOU WEAR ON "BROCKMIRE."
>> ON THE SHOW NONE OF YOU HAVE SEEN.
>> Stephen: YOU BROUGHT IT ON BEFORE.
YOU BROUGHT IT ON BEFORE.
AND THAT REMINDS ME OF A JACKET MY DAD WOULD HAVE WORN IN THE
1960 PPS I UNDERSTAND-- THERE'S A BACKISTIC YOU BELIEVE, TO THIS
JACKET, AND IT GOES WITH THIS PHOTO.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
>> IT'S GOT A THREAD LOOSE, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED.
A JACKET OF THAT QUALITY HAS A THREAD LOOSE.
>> THIS IS 100% POLYESTER.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS THE ORIGINAL DUMONT TEST PATTERN,
WASN'T IT?
>> I BELIEVE IT WAS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S HOW OLD OF A REFERENCE THAT IS.
NOT EVEN A CBS AUDIENCE KNOWS A DUMONT REFERENCE.
>> THAT EVEN WENT OVER MY HEAD.
>> Stephen: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
>> I'M AN INSOMNIAC.
I HAVE NO TROUBLE GOING TO SLEEP BUT I'M ALWAYS UP BETWEEN 12:00
AND 3:00.
>> Stephen: GOTCHA.
>> AND I ALWAYS WATCHO MOVIES.
I WAS WATCHING I BELIEVE IT WAS 1978'S "HEAV KEN WAIT," WHICH
MOST OF YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T SEEN, BUT PROBABLY MORE THAN
HAVE SEEN "BROCKMIRE."
>> Stephen: HOW MANY HAVE SEEN "HEAVEN CAN WAIT."
( APPLAUSE ).
>> SO I'M WATCHING IT ON THE COMPUTER.
I'M LYING ON MY SIDE TRYING TO GO BACK-- WITH THE EAR BUD IN.
>> AND SEE A BIG WIDE SHOT.
I'M LIKE, "I KNOW"-- EVEN INTEREST A DISTANCE, I KNOW THAT
JACKET.
AND THEN IN THE CLOSE TIGHT SHOT, THE GREAT JACK WARDEN
THERE WITH BUCK HENRY AND BARREN BEATTY, THERE IS-- THAT'S THE
JACKET!
THAT'S THE-- AND, LISTEN, I BOUGHT THIS JACKET MYSELF AT A
THRIFT SHOP IN L.A. FOR $18.
AN AMERICAN RAG.
AND THEY RAID HOLLYWOOD WARDROBE, COSTUME DEPARTMENTS.
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE SAME JACKET.
>> Stephen: IT'S A COLLECTOR'S ITEM NOW.
>> SO, WHEN "BROCKMIRE" IS OVER-- WHICH IT WILL BE AT THE
END OF THIS SEASON.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> I'M NOT GOING TO RETIGHTER JACKET.
I'M GOING TO PASS IT ALONG TO ANOTHER-- ANOTHER UP-AND-COMING
YOUNG ACTOR.
>> Stephen: I ONCE WAS IN A PLAY IN WHICH I HAD TO WEAR,
LIKE, ROMAN ARMOR.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: AND ON THE INSIDE IT SAID USTENOF.
I THINK I WAS WEARING PETER USTENOV'S ARMOR.
>> THAT BEATS MY JACK BARDEN.
>> Stephen: NO, IT DOES NOT.
UN WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE A GUEST.
>> YES, CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
I WANT TO GIVE THIS TO THAT TIMOTHY SH CHALAMETTE.
>> Stephen: HE IS SO DASHING THAT HE'LL MAKE THAT LOOK GOOD.
>> WE'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT IN FOR HIM.
>> Stephen: SURE.
OR SOMEBODY ELSE CAN GET IN THERE WITH HIM.
>> EITHER WAY.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE-- YOU'RE-- YOU'RE, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A FUNNY
GUY.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: DID YOU COME FROM A FUNNY FAMILY?
BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS KIND OF A MIKOROCRACY.
THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE ROOM WAS KING.
DID YOUR FAMILY TELL JOKES TO EACH OTHER?
>> YES, BUT THEY WERE NOT FUN GLE WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU
MEAN?
>> MY MOTHER IN PARTICULAR LOVES-- SHE LOVES A GOOD JOKE,
STEVE.
AND THEY'RE NOT FUNNY.
AND I REALLY-- AS A RESULT, I'VE COME TO HATE JOKES.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE -- >> Stephen: YOU DON'T TELL
JOKES?
YOU DON'T KNOW A JOKE?
>> I DON'T LIKE THAT, "I HAVE A GREAT ONE FOR YOU.
LISTEN TO THIS ONE."
I HATE THAT.
>> Stephen: I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU SAY THAT, EITHER.
>> LIKE I'M SOME COMMON SALESMAN YOU.
>> Stephen: HAVE NO JOKES?
>> WELL, MY MOTHER'S JOKES ARE SO BAD, THERE ARE, LIKE, TWO
JOKES THAT I'VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE.
>> Stephen: THESE ARE YOUR MOTHER'S JOKE?
>> NO NO.
I'LL GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE OF MY MOTHER'S JOKE.
"SO THERE'S THIS OLD WOMAN AT A NURSING HOME" THIS IS THE WAY MY
MOTHER TALKS.
AND IT'S VERY ON BRAND FOR MY MOTHER BECAUSE SHE'S 92 AND
LIVES IN MIAMI.
"OLD LADY IN A NURSING HOME.
SHE STANDS UP WITH HER HANDS LIKE THIS AND SAYS 'WHOEVER CAN
GUESS WHAT'S IN MY HANDS CAN HAVE SEX WITH ME'.
NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING.
AND SHE SAYS LOUDER,' WHOEVER CAN GUESS WHAT'S IN MY HANDS CAN
HAVE SEX WITH ME.
' AND SOME OLD GUY TURNS AROUND AND SAYS 'AN ELEPHANT'?
AND SHE SAYS WE HAVE A WINNER."
>> Stephen: HANK, MY PLEASURE--
>> COME ON!
YOU ALMOST GOT ME.
>> Stephen: FORCE OF HABIT, BABY, FORCE OF HAS BEEN THE.
THE FINAL SEASON OF "BROCKMIRE--" WHICH IS GOING TO
BREAK THESE PEOPLE'S HEARTS-- PREMIERES NEXT WEDNESDAY NIGHT
ON IFC.
HANK AZARIA, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "AVENUE 5's" SUZY NAKAMURA.