FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM HER STANDUP AND "THE MINDY
PROJECT."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," FORTUNE FEIMSTER!
♪ ♪ ♪
>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
>> YEAH!
WHAT A -- >> Stephen: WELCOME ABOARD.
>> THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE FROM NORTH CAROLINA.
>> I AM.
>> Stephen: AND I'M FROM SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> YOU'RE FROM THE SMARTER PART, APPARENTLY.
>> Stephen: AM I?
>> YOU'RE SO SMART.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE THE RESEARCH TRIANGLE.
>> THAT'S TRUE.
>> Stephen: I THINK WE'RE SUPPOSED TO, THE TARHEELS AND
GAME COCKS-- I'M NOT SURE ARE, SUPPOSED TO FIGHT ABOUT
BARBECUE.
>> WE LOVE SOME BARBECUE IN NORTH CAROLINA.
>> Stephen: WE LOVE BARBECUE IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> SOUTH CAROLINA BARBECUE IS...
>> Stephen: IT DEPENDS WHAT PART YOU'RE FROM, BUT MUSTARD
BASED SAY KIND OF THING.
YOU HAVE THE VINEGAR.
>> YEAH, IT'S WEST COAST-EAST COAST RIVALRY.
IT'S PRETTY DANGEROUS TERRITORY.
>> Stephen: SURE.
EAST IS THE VINEGAR, RIGHT?
>> EAST IS THE VINEGAR.
WEST IS THE HICKORY SMOKED BARBECUE SAUCE.
SO GOOD!
>> Stephen: FALLING OFF THE BONE SUSPECT THAT WHEN YOU'RE
FROM?
>> I'M FROM THE WESTERN PART STATE, YEAH.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GET BACK DOWN THERE?
I TRY TO GO TO SOUTH CAROLINA ANY CHANCE I GET?
ANY RESTAURANTS YOU GO TO, ANYTHING SPECIAL?
IF IT WAS A PARTY OR BIRTHDAY, WHAT WOULD DO YOU?
>> MY FAMILY HAD A STRONG TRADITION OF GOG HOOTER'S.
( LAUGHTER )
FAMILIAR WITH THE GREATEST RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD,
HOOTERS.
>> Stephen: SURE, WINGS, CLAM STRIPS, SURE.
>> IT'S AMAZING.
>> Stephen: YOU REALLY GO IN THERE FOR THE FOOD?
>> REALLY GO IN FOR THE FOOD.
>> WE WENT MY ENTIRE LIFE.
I HAD TWO OLDER BROTHERS.
USUALLY MY DAD WAS THE PERSON WHO WAS LIKE, "WE SHOULD GO TO
HOOTER'S."
( LAUGHTER )
QUITE A SHOCK.
>> Stephen: HE NEEDED MORE TIME FOR THE HOOTER'S.
>> YEAH, AND MY MOM-- BUT EVEN MY MOM LOVED HOOTER'S.
BUT AFTER THEY DIVORCED, MY MOM DEVELOPED HOOTER SHAME BECAUSE
SHE STARTED DATING THIS VERY CONSERVATIVE, VERY RELIGIOUS MAN
FROM THE SOUTH, AND HE THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS A SIN.
SO ONE NIGHT WE WERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO GO EAT OUT
OF HABIT, AND I GO, "OH, WELL LET'S JUST GO TO HOOTER'S."
AND MY MOM WAS WITH HER MAN FRIEND, AS WE SAY IN THE SOUTH,
AND SHE STIFFENED UP, AND SHE WAS LIKE...
( LAUGHTER )
HOOTER!" AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
YOU RECRUITED MY BABY-SITTER OUT
OF HOOTER'S."
( LAUGHTER )
I HAVE NEVER!
>> I'M LIKE YOU HIRED TWO HOOTER'S WAITRESSES TO HULA HOOP
AT MY BROTHER'S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION PARTY.
"NO, I HAVE NEVER EATEN AT HOOTER'S, AND YOU KNOW THIS!"
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: YOUR MOM SOUNDS FUN.
>> SHE'S PRETTY FUN.
AND SHE WAS WAY MORE FUN BEFORE THIS GUY.
BECAUSE YOU ASKED IF WE WENT TO PLACES FOR BIRTHDAYS, ALSO
HOOTER'S.
>> Stephen: SO IT WAS THE GO-TO.
>> IT WAS THE GO-TO.
WE SPENT MY 18th BIRTHDAY OUT OF HOOTER'S.
AND THIS WAS A TIME IN A CHAIN RESTAURANT HISTORY WHERE IF IT
WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY, THE ENTIRE WAITSTAFF CAME OUT
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪ THEY'RE BANGING DRUMS, THROWING
PLATES, THERE'S CONFETTI.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.
>> I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO BELIEVE.
I WAS IN THE CLOSET AT THE TIME.
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GAY, WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE I'VE HAD THIS
HAIRCUT SINCE I WAS FIVE.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
AND I DIDN'T WANT ANY ATTENTION BROUGHT TO ME AT THIS HOOTER'S
SO I TOLD EVERYBODY, I'M LIKE, "YOU BETTER NOT TELL THEM IT'S
MY BIRTHDAY OR I'LL KILL YOU."
AND MY BROTHER GOT THERE FIRST AND HIS GIRLFRIEND TOLD THEM.
SHE'S LIKE, "GUESS WHAT?
I TOLD THEM IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY."
SO I SHANKED HER.
I WAS PISSED.
( LAUGHTER )
AND THEYUE KNOW, I'M JUST-- LIKE, I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING
BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DINNER, ALL THESE HERETO'S
WAITRESSES-- IT WAS A BOOB PARADE.
BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES!
AND THEY GRABBED ME BY THE HAND AND PARADED MY AROUND, AND I WAS
IN THE CLOSET AND NOT WANTING ATTENTION.
IT FELT LIKE THE GAY WITCH TRIAL.
THEY MADE ME STAND ON A BAR STOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
RESTAURANT LIKE I WAS GOING TO GET HANGED?
IT WAS A LITTLE BOOBY TRAP.
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS ).
>> Stephen: HAPPY MEMORY.
HAPPY MEMORY.
>> HAPPY MEMORY.
>> Stephen: BEFORE YOU ALSO IN YOUR NEW COMEDY SPECIAL "SWEET &
SALTY."
>> IT'S OUT NOW.
>> Stephen: IT'S OUT NOW ON NETFLIX.
YOU WERE A DEBUTANTE.
>> I WAS.
>> Stephen: I WENT TO A LOT OF DEBS FROM CHARLESTON PITCHES AN
ESCORT.
>> OH, AN OSCOURT, OKAY.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE RICE PAPER, "PLEASE CALL FOR MISS
FORTUNE FEIMSTER," SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> DID YOUICA TILLION, THAT KIND OF THING.
>> Stephen: YES, YES.
>> WE HAVE TO LEARN MANNERS.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU LEARN AS A DEB?
>> THERE SHE IS.
>> Stephen: THERE YOU ARE IN ALL YOUR GLOWER.
>> SHE'S GORGEOUS.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: LOVELY.
>> YEAH, I HAD TO WEAR A WHITE WEDDING GOWN WHILE MY BROTHER
WALKED ME DOWN AN AISLE.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOUR BROTHER?
>> THAT'S MY BROTHER.
NOT MY HUSBAND.
IT'S HARD TO TELL IN NORTH CAROLINA.
( LAUGHTER )
DEBUTANTE AND, YOU KNOW, IN THE SOUTH, IT'S A TRADITION.
YOUR MOM WAS MOM, YOU GOTTA -- >> Stephen: YOU GOTTA DO IT.
>> YOU GOTTA DO IT.
I WAS WORKING AS A MAINTENANCE WORKER AT THE RECREATION
DEPARTMENT AT THE TIME.
SO I'D BE LINING SOFTBALL FIELDS AND PICKING UP TRASH, LIKE A
LADY.
AND THEN I HAD TO TAKE ETIQUETTE CLASSES WHERE I HAD TO LEARN ALL
KINDS OF THINGS.
I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO, LIKE, TALK LIKE A LADY.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU TALK LIKE A LADY?
>> IF I HAD MET YOU AND I WANTED TO GET YOUR ATTENTION, I
COULDN'T JUST BE LIKE, "WHAT'S UP, STEPHEN!"
I HAD TO, YOU KNOW, JUST BE LIKE, "WELL, I DO DECLARE,
STEPHEN, YOU ARE A FINE GENTLEMAN."
( LAUGHTER )
STILL OUT.
IT'S PAST MY CURFEW."
( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: "FORTUNE FEIMSTER: SWEET & SALTY" IS OUT
NOW ON NETFLIX.
FORTUNE FEIMSTER, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.