Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'This is ridiculous'
Some aliens get aboard ships via scientific samples.
Some come via John Hurt,
others...
‘the emergency airlock has been left open, what gives?’
just wait for a door to be left open,
‘sorry sir that was me’
This is It! The Terror From Beyond Space.
‘It’s a long story but I’ll make it brief’
So what exactly is ‘beyond space’
‘As you know, the first attempt to send a ship to the planet Mars was made 6 months ago’
That’s not beyond space, that’s just space.
'Another name for Mars is Death.'
This being a 1950s scifi there are few inevitable things to get out the way,
the space suits look like thermal beekeeping outfits.
The science is a little off,
‘Mars is about as big as Texas’
smoking in space is perfectly acceptable
But since this is set in the distant 1973 girls are onboard,
'What do geologists do?'
There's a bright future for women everywhere.'
'I don't disbelieve you.'
And of course there’s the monster.
'What is that thing down there?'
If you’re wondering why he always has his tongue out it’s because stuntman Ray Corrigan’s chin poked out
the mouth of the mask and they decided that making it up to look like a tongue was the best solution.
'If that's one of his joke, I'll make him walk home.'
Or at least the cheapest.
‘This is ridiculous’
The story follows col. Ed Carruthers, only survivor of the 1st mission to Mars
‘Alive with something we came to know as death’
and initially treated as a murderer by his the rescuers,
‘There’s only one kind of monster that uses bullets’
until they starts dying as well,
at the hands of this mysterious creature.
'Still sticking to your story about this mysterious creature.'
So, killer creature in a confined space; which of the crew will live?
‘Secure’
I’m not sure about the rest of you but the pretty girl is probably fine.
‘He doesn’t know what’s saying!’
This is Anne who is dating the rescue team’s Captain,
‘I’m the guy with all the answers’
but who starts making eyes at Carruthers after her boyfriend is attacked by the creature
‘Anne? Anne?’
I’m still alive over here!
The crew have various plans to kill the creature...
‘Wire them up to the hatches’
On space ship? I’m not sure that’s a good idea.
‘This is ridiculous’
Not that it matters as the creature is impervious to everything they throw at it.
‘grenades, bullets, nothing stops it’
Except, weirdly, for fire. A weakness that they make absolutely no use of.
'Jack, nobody blames you.'
But then of course, starting a fire on a spaceship might be dangerous, whereas this...
is much safer.
'This is either we die, or it dies.'
There’s nothing wrong with the story here, it’s basically Alien,
‘Sounds right’
the problem is it’s so half-arsed!
'Here he comes again.'
The eventual solution is so obvious,
that everything else, from the increasingly convoluted plans,
'The plan is a simple one.'
to the unforeshadowed love story,
‘You and him just out of nowhere’
just seems like filling time.
'Sounds right'
As if someone is standing just offscreen with a watch going okay, that’s an hour, you can kill it now’
‘There is nothing to do but wait.’
Which is exactly as exciting as it sounds.
If you've got a film you'd like us to review leave a comment below and don't forget to subscribe