(gentle music)
- Aren't I supposed to be meeting Snooki?
Who's this?
- Ow!
- Hey girl!
- Hey girl! - Hey!
- Hey, thanks for coming.
- Oh my God, thank you so much for having me, I'm Lauren.
- We're so sorry. - We woke up late.
- Are you guys okay?
- No, we've been drinking.
- We're shaking, we have the runs.
- And I can't form a sentence.
- That's okay. - I don't know who's upstairs
in our bed right now.
- Yeah, we're (beep) up.
(upbeat music)
- [Joey] Welcome to Cooking in the Crib with Snooki.
- [Snooki] And Joey.
- I'm here.
- And Lauren's here.
- We're gonna be making a detox chicken soup, Joey.
- I might throw up.
(laughs)
- Is there noodles in it?
- Look, we don't need any carbs,
we just need to flush everything out.
- Like laxatives?
- Similar, but like a naturally derived form of laxative.
- You can't do a laxative if you
wanna get banged in the (beep).
- It's like science class.
- Exactly - Like the apple juice?
- No. (buzzer buzzes)
- [Joey] Oh, it smells like dog food.
- It's close, it's apple cider, have you ever taken a
shot of apple cider vinegar?
- That's not vinegar, that's like dog food.
- Yeah, and I had die-a-ree-errs.
- But I'm not gonna lie,
I'm not like a perfect health guru, whatever--
- [Joey] That's okay. - [Snooki] Thank god.
- I do believe in the hair of the dog,
so if it will make you feel better,
I would love to offer you a glass of wine.
- Okay, this bitch is my best friend.
- [Lauren] Is that okay?
(upbeat drum music)
- What do we have here?
- So what we have here, is our spices.
- Can I guess?
- Yes, I would love that.
- Oh no!
I know!
That's garlic.
(buzzer buzzes) - No.
That's rosemary.
- Thyme.
(buzzer buzzes)
I quit.
- Ground ginger?
- Yes.
- Sugar.
(buzzer buzzes) - Pink Himalayan salt.
- Yes. - Oh.
- Tumeric.
- Yes.
- Cayenne. - Yes.
- So a little bit of the master cleanse with the cayenne.
- I do not work here today. - Yes!
- The salt, the vinegar.
- Yes, a little Beyonce moment.
- Okay, I'm down with that.
- Have you ever done a master cleanse, either of you?
- You remember that lemonade?
- I got a colonic before.
- Similar. - Very close,
a little more expensive.
- I (beep) a lot.
- Detox chicken soup, so these are the spices,
we're gonna get there for flavor so whatever you guys like
we'll do more of, less of, whatever.
And we're gonna start with sauteing--
- Joey looks bombed.
- I'm fine!
- Are you okay?
- The guy never texted me back last night,
he gave me his number at the club and is like--
- Really?
- [Lauren] Are you okay?
- Well now you're gonna detox, you're gonna be ready to go.
Either get on a new dating app or tell him to go.
- Should I send him a picture of my ass (beep) or no?
- I mean, did you talk for at least five minutes,
like what's going on?
- We haven't spoken a word but--
- Then ass (beep) picture, okay.
Okay so we're gonna chop the celery,
do you guys want it to be fine, or chunky?
- Whatever the recipe. - I like a fine soup.
- Okay, get it girl.
- Okay so we're gonna do some chopping skills--
- Eat that chicken.
- I am. - Joey I feel like
you know how to use a knife.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's almost like you're grinding
in the club right there.
- Yeah. - Mmhmm, yeah.
- Oooh.
- Can I show you how I do mine?
- [Lauren] Yeah.
- Squares. - No, you're supposed
to go like this.
- Oooh. - No you gavones,
give me this.
If you want it--
- Honestly, she's not wrong.
- That's if you want it pulverized.
- Oh my God, I did it!
This is her segment, not yours.
- I know. - No I'm like
very much here to just eat the soup and drink the wine.
- You julienne it into small slices like that.
- [Snooki] You julienne yourself.
- And now you do into a tight dicing.
- Joey, this is gorgeous.
- He's showing you up.
- No, here's the thing--
- I'm gonna stick it up the horse's (beep).
- I'm gonna (laughs).
I'm gonna steal exactly what you just taught me.
- Stick everything in its ass (beep).
- Oh wow (laughs).
- That's like me at the club last night.
Nicole, we're French chefs, aren't we?
- [Snooki] Oh yeah.
- I gotta get your little pony in there, there we go.
Do you feel comfortable?
- Perfect. - We look like Ratatouille.
- Wow, you look great.
- Thank you.
- Let's start preheating the pot so that we can get some
olive oil going so that we can sauté these veggies.
- Joey relax, you don't work here.
- It says I do, it's right there.
- [Snooki] No, he's trying to take over.
- But then I can drink more wine, you know,
and I could be on your guys' level.
- Oh Amen.
- Yeah, do you wanna butt chug?
- Have you heard of the new wellness trend
about celery juice?
- Yeah what's everyone doing?
- You go to a juice place and you get celery juice,
you put a little lemon in it, and wow.
- Don't waste your money on that, do it at home.
Nicole!
(laughing)
I'm trying to have a detox.
Okay, so want me to put our hard vegetables in?
- Yes.
(laughing)
- Throw it in girl.
- Cheers!
We did the mirepoix. - Cheers.
- Yes.
- Sounds like menage a trois.
- So, now what's next, what's the next step?
- We're gonna do a little bit
of Herbes de Provence seasoning.
- That's from France.
- [Lauren] Oh, yeah!
- Oh, Provence.
- This is smelling good, guys.
- It really does.
- After all we've been cooking on this show,
this is actually very healthy.
- Wait what about our chicken?
- Should we take this out of it's ass (beep)?
- Don't, no.
- Sick.
- Smells fine.
- Okay, so we're going to do the chicken broth first
and we're going to do a half to half.
Where we pour the chicken broth in,
all of it, yeah.
- [Joey] The whole thing?
- [Lauren] Yeah, gorging.
- Calm down pour.
- Delish'.
- We're gonna hide this bone broth
in the chicken broth so we get the benefits
but we don't taste it.
- How about I hide this carrot in my ass (beep)?
- You can.
- Oh, take it home.
We're going to take the kale and it's a similar--
- Oh, can I chop it?
- Yes, please!
- Cut your finger off.
- Like that?
- [Joey] Yes, bunch your fingers.
- I'm not a (beep) mutant,
I'm a mother of two, I'm 30 years old.
I know how to (bleep) cut a lettuce!
- I'm going to take the apple cider vinegar,
and you guys know apple cider vinegar
is like a supermodel secret, right?
- No, I didn't now that, why?
- So, most supermodels take a shot of
apple cider vinegar every single morning
for a flat tummy hack and it's gonna keep
you looking 25.
- Hit that. - What's that?
- It's apple cider vinegar.
- No, it's not! - Yes it is, just go with it.
- See don't you feel like a supermodel?
- I'm so skinny.
- Yeah, chug it bitch.
- You'll look just like
Rosie Huntington Whiteley after this.
- Honestly, it tastes really good
with chicken broth and white wine.
- Should we add a little?
- Sure!
- Hair of the dog, baby!
(cheers)
So let's bring it to a boil
and then we're gonna bring it to a simmer.
- Should we cover it?
- Yes.
- So this is great for when you're drinking
for a couple days and you just want to detox.
- Yes. - Or kickstart your diet,
if you pigged out all weekend long like
on Sundays when Janice comes.
- Why are you screaming?
- Because they're all the way at home,
at the television.
They can't hear me from here.
- So when you're (beep) up and you wanna detox,
you do this soup.
- Okay lolly, so how long does this take
to cook down?
- We probably have a solid 35 minutes till'
we get to enjoy supper together.
- Okay. - Alright so what do we do
for the 30 minutes?
- You tell me. - Well we got stuff
to do here, why don't we just press
fast forward and we'll see you in 30.
(hip hop music)
Okay Lauren, it's been 30 minutes where did
the time go?
- Yes, queen! - I don't know.
- So let's check on it,
should we open her up?
- Yeah.
- Look, and that is just juiced out.
A nice layer of that chicken fat on top
and it's gonna blend beautifully.
- Yes, queen.
- And it's all to taste, you know
so as long as you and Nicole like it, we're good.
This is my soup now. - Yeah bitch, drink.
- Let's plate this dish.
- Look how cute it looks.
- So cute, now do you garnish with anything?
- No, cause we garnished all the way through.
- So I have some Parmesan, because we are Italians.
I love a lot of cheese so I'm taking it all.
- So you made, what did you make?
- Cream of parmesan soup?
- You (beep) ass (beep).
This looks delicious.
- Mmm, it's hot.
- Mmm.
(screaming)
- No, it's very good Lauren.
- Oh, it's so good.
- It is hot but it's packed with flavor.
This is, it has an acid which I love, I love acid.
So it's lemon and the vinegar, so that's like
good for digestive, it's good for our--
- I almost want to--
- Stop screaming.
(laughs)
It's good for digestive!
Honestly you are, first of all,
you're beautiful.
You know how to cook,
take it, take it bitch. - Can someone clip that
and put it to my Instagram immediately?
- You are beautiful, you know how to cook
a nice detox,
what is this, soup?
Yes?
- Yes.
- No, we are very honored for you to come here, honestly.
- Thank you so much for having me.
- [Snooki] No, it's amazing.
- The food is so good and I'm so excited,
you really brought the health backdrop into it.
- Yes.
- Lauren Elizabeth thank you so much for coming,
for the detox soup.
- Thank you! - This was delicious.
- Cheers! - Cheers!
- Try it at home, and get--
- Detox soup guys!
(upbeat music)