- A lot of people want to know how to have
the body language for confidence.
And actually, in our modern world
we spend all our time on the computer and slump.
We've kind of forgotten how to hold ourselves.
So I'm going to show you how to have the body language
of someone who appears to be incredibly confident.
The first thing is they speak slowly
and they don't wave their hands around.
I saw myself on television many years ago
and I noticed that I was doing this
throughout the whole interview
and I thought, hm, that's not a good look.
And I learned when I was on TV to sit on my hands
and to speak quite slowly,
to look at the camera and you know, I wasn't confident
and they would say, "Oh my God, you are so confident."
And I really wasn't.
But, I looked at people who were
and I thought, oh, they speak slowly.
They don't flap around.
They may do that or that, but they're very composed.
They keep their shoulders up.
They keep their stomach in.
They don't sit like that.
So you can do that whenever you are talking to someone,
try to keep your chin up,
keep your shoulders down and back, speak slowly.
Don't speak fast and loud.
If you've ever seen those movies, like mafia moves
you notice the head guy, they almost whisper,
everyone has to kind of listen to them.
They don't shout.
They don't get all excited
because powerful people speak slowly.
They are very commanding.
They command the stage.
They have presence, and you can have it too
by speaking slowly, taking on the posture,
shoulders up and back.
Chin, just so, make eye contact.
When you speak, you look at them, you have two ears
and one mouth for a reason speak, and then listen,
listen to other people, make them feel interesting.
Imagine if everyone you met had a little sentence
tattooed on their forehead that said,
"Please make me feel important."
So when you meet people
it isn't about you saying, "Yeah, here I am
and this is what I do
and I'm this and blah, blah, blah."
What do you do?
Tell me about you.
Act as if you are interested.
I do book signings.
We'll say, "Oh my God, you're so nice.
You're so available."
I make a point of making everyone feel interesting.
Smiling at everyone, signing their names,
saying, "Who are you? Tell me," they're buying my book
I owe them that at least I don't go,
oh, another one, scribble, scribble, scribble.
There you are.
I engage with people.
I make them feel important.
I don't ask them to make me feel important.
So, body language posture.
Don't do all this ringing your hands
fiddling with little hands, nails,
playing with your jewelry, fluffing your hair,
doing that because you're saying I'm nervous.
Strength is shown in stillness.
The more still you are
the more strong and powerful you appear.
Speak slowly.
Try to be still in your movements.
Try not to wave around.
And what happens is by believing in yourself,
there are so many things you can do
that give you the posture
of someone who believes in themselves.
Walk with confidence,
talk with confidence, meet people's eye level.
Listen to them.
If someone says, "What do you do?"
Don't go, "Well, you know what I do is,"
and just say, "Oh, I'm glad you asked what I do is...
and I love what I do because..."
And don't feel you're going to rush through your
introduction. People make this classic mistake.
Someone says, "Tell me about you."
And they go, "Well, what I do is," and they try to race
through it in case that person is bored.
Don't do that; say, "What I do is...
and the reason I do it...and why I love it so much..."
and take your time, don't go into a whole story
but don't rush who you are and what makes your heart sing.
If people are bored, you'll find out
and then you can just say, "Anyway, enough about me.
What about you?"
But don't gaggle through it.
When you're speaking to someone
you'll know if they're bored
because their shoulders will start to turn
towards their door
their shoulders, their knees, their hips.
And when you are bored, you'll notice that you do that.
You'll really want to do that.
If you're speaking to someone who might
be going to employ you
no matter how bored you are, keep your shoulders,
your knees and your hips face towards them.
Keep that towards them
and then it says, "I'm interested in you."
"I find you interesting."
If you want to flirt,
do the same thing; keep focus on someone.
Takes some imaginary fluff off their shirt, touch them.
And even if it's not a romantic thing
studies shows that waitresses who touch their customers
on the arm or waiters, and go, "Thank you so much."
Get bigger tips.
There was a test where people had to stop
in the street and say to someone, "Hey, I'm lost.
Could you tell me where to go?"
And as the person did, they touched
and "Went, gee, thank you."
And their interest went up
and then interviewers went up to them
and you know, the ones who got touched,
remembered everything about the person who touched them.
They weren't attracted to them
but the person that touched them on the arm,
they could remember what they looked
like and what they said.
So touch is very important.
It's okay to touch them and not consistently.
And, and obviously respect their boundaries.
You touch their shoulder or their arm
and if you think they won't like it, you don't do it.
Here's a one final thing.
When we are nervous, our mouth gets dry.
We've all seen people licking their lips
because they are nervous.
You may notice that court lawyers drink water all the time.
People giving evidence drink water.
When you are nervous
your mouth gets dry and you lick your lips.
When you're nervous
you tend to have your shoulders up around your ears.
If you are nervous, push your shoulders down,
all the way down, and then fill up your mouth with saliva.
Pump it around your mouth.
I know it sounds disgusting, but who knows you're doing it?
You didn't know, I just did that.
If you can make your mouth aware, you send a message
to your mind that says, "I'm really relaxed."
Guess what you do that every time you kiss,
when you kiss, your mouth gets wet
and your brain goes wet mouth equals being relaxed.
Doesn't matter which way it comes.
So fill up your mouth with saliva
swirl it around, and your brain will think wet
mouth means you're relaxed.
If you are nervous, do that, drink water, swirl it around.
I promise you,
It sends a message to your mind that says you are relaxed.
Keep your shoulders down, it says you are relaxed.
Keep your chin up, shoulders back, posture
good, and it says you are confident.
So you can trick your mind into believing
you're confident, and you're relaxed.
By the way you hold yourself.
By the way you walk.
By the way you talk. By the volume of your voice,
by the speed of your voice. By your hand movements
by eye contact and people who are successful do
this naturally.
And you may have to do it unnaturally.
Who cares if you do it, you know what happens?
It starts being who you are and what you do.
And then it is who you are.
So it starts by being what you do.
And then it becomes who you are.
You'll find that if you keep pushing your shoulders down,
filling up your mouth with saliva,
holding yourself straight, making eye contact
that eventually you do it
on autopilot.
That's a wonderful thing.
It's a great thing.
It's yours for the taking go to marisapeer.com
and find out more about how to do this.
It stops being what you do and becomes who you are.
Thanks for tuning in; grow in confidence,
grow in self-esteem, do it today
and soon you'll find you do it every day. Thanks.
See you soon.