Holy crap - someone put Nixxiom to sleep, ripped out his skeleton and put it in the box!
OR… is it possible this is all that remains of him?
Maybe his body withered away? I guess that’s slightly more plausible. Look!
A tape recorder! Maybe that explains what happened to him.
Hmm. Maybe we should just leave it. Do you really want
to hear his dying words? Yeah that sounds great!
Day 323. Dolan still hasn’t let me out of the coffin. I’ve had to eat my own feet to stay alive.
Day 410, I have decided to die. I can only hope whoever finds my body is
impressed with what they see. What um… what is he doing?
He’s flexing.
Nyahahaha, you think I’d die in a coffin, like a WIMP? That’s just some skeleton I
found to make people believe that there’s a slim chance that I could actually be killed. Anyway,
I’ll bet you’re wondering where I’ve been all this time, well-
HEEEYYY! What’d you do that for!? Look, don’t bother with
this. He’s messing with you. But he was just about to tell us…
He clearly has no intention of being found, Mr D. Just give it up.
I’m just trying to find my friends.
I know. We will. I know what might cheer you up though. Want to ask me some questions?
Well…. Maybe one or two.
Why does the moon have so many craters compared to the Earth? Shouldn’t Earth’s
gravity drive away comets from the moon? Comets almost always burn up when entering
Earth’s atmosphere, except the really really big ones. Even when they do punch through,
they either fall in the ocean or the craters end up eroding over time anyway. The moon
has no atmosphere to protect it, so craters there are essentially permanent, observable
features. Earth and the moon don’t have much bearing on gravity driving comet trajectories,
but the Sun does tend to alter an asteroid’s path much more effectively than anything else.
Yeah, na. Those craters on the moon? Controlled explosions organised by the government and
private organisations. You may not know this but when testing new game consoles, they’re
assembled and tested on the moon surface itself - if the console is too powerful, it will detonate.
So I guess that means PCs are a lot safer to assemble, then?
Not at all. You know the Chicxulub crater from when the dinosaurs were wiped out?
A custom build MSI GeForce RTX 4090 TI. You better believe we learned our lesson that day.
Why did Super Nintendo and N64 games have almost no loading times?
All of the old Nintendo consoles had something called direct memory access,
which means that any of the data on the cartridge is accessible at any
time - you can see this when you take apart the cartridge and see a whole circuit board,
almost as if the cartridge itself were powering the console. This stopped happening when games got
too advanced, and direct memory access became too expensive. Nowadays on consoles like the Switch,
the data is loaded into RAM as needed, but that requires a loading screen.
These were the biggest craters on the moon. It took decades of ingenuity and explosives
to eliminate loading screens, but we did it. These days though, it turns out people are
fine with loading times, so now every console has cheaped out. Like the Nintendo Switch. I couldn’t
even turn ON the console without waiting through hours of black loading screens.
Are you sure it was plugged in? Was the battery charged?
Isn’t it solar powered? No.
Well there you have it. I told you they cheaped out.
Yeaaaah. Woooow. You’re tooooootally right.
Why do washing machines always say they have 1 min remaining, but it always takes longer to finish?
This extra minute is used to finish spinning and remove the rest of the water. If you notice
clothes take longer to wash then usual, this might be because of load balancing.
It’s when a wash slows randomly because it wants to balance the load to spin the drum
at high speed. A lot of newer washing machines have sensors that indicate weight and wetness,
due to certain clothes holding water more than other materials. So unfortunately this means the
time estimate can be off, but on the upside, all your clothes will be washed thoroughly and evenly.
Not many people know the first washing machines were built by Microsoft. Back then,
they had a very hard time predicting time estimates for anything,
as you would have seen on their computers. Okay. It has 1 hour left. No, 18 days. No,
3 minutes. Wait - 8 months? Whoops I meant 8 seconds. Duplicate clothes found? Skip. 16
years. You know what? I don’t need this. I don’t even wear clothes.
What causes the imaginary sounds (bangs, crashes) that wake us from sleep?
This is commonly because of a condition known as Exploding Head Syndrome,
where you’ll hear phantom sounds that jolt you awake. There is no known cause or cure for this,
just the same as hypnic jerks jolting people awake as they’re trying to fall asleep. Some
theories suggest that when the human body stays in one position too long,
it will move or twitch to ensure you’re still alive. If you hallucinate when you jolt awake,
either visually or audibly, it’s because your brain is still half-asleep and cannot
distinguish what’s real. Though they tend to go away very quickly once you’re properly awake.
ACXTUALLY, Exploding Head Syndrome is very real. Every night that you sleep,
there is a 0.001% chance that your skull will detonate, spraying brain matter all over your
nice, clean sheets. If you hear a loud bang or crash, that means you were within the 0.010th
percentile and you narrowly avoided the explosion. This video was sponsored by Dolan’s protective
non-explosion tinfoil helmet now on sale, and remember the slogan
“wear this or die in your sleep”. So uh… how does this thing work?
Well studies show that if you wear this at night, statistically your head WON’T explode while you
sleep, so far with a 100% success rate. That sounds like snake oil.
Y’know, it DOES have snake oil in it, or as I call it, slither protection glue. You want one?
Yeah, no. Yeah, that makes sense.
How does constantly turning cement in a truck keep it from drying out or hardening?
Cement is only one ingredient in concrete. Step one is when it’s put in the rotating truck to
slow the cement from curing until it arrives on-site, and then the water is added to finish
the process. The time involved can be altered by how many chemicals you add for a longer or shorter
cure time, but once you begin the process, you can’t back out because even with a rotating truck
eventually that cement will harden. Depending on how much water you add and when, it’ll determine
the ultimate strength of the concrete. It’s actually a bit of a morbid topic. Do
you have any idea how many rocks die every day to be cruelly mushed up into concrete, rotated
endlessly, their corpses poured to become pavement - literally trodden beneath the boots of man?
It really is a tragedy. If so many rocks are dying, what am I
supposed to throw at people I don’t like? Consider donating today. One dollar saves
one rock. With your help, we can live in a world completely devoid of concrete.
Just think of the possibilities. Now please, give us your money.
What if we covered every desert in solar panels?
It wouldn’t really be necessary to cover every single desert in these, even just covering 1
percent of the Sahara in solar panels would be enough to power the entire world. But the
issue is this many panels would raise the ground temperature, which in turn would warm the air,
condense as clouds and rain, transforming the desert completely. It would also be incredibly
devastating to any wildlife living in the desert, such as all the species of insects,
birds, reptiles and mammals like sheep, hyenas and gazelles. Panels would also
actively harm nearby rainforests which rely on sands blown in for nutrients.
The upsides would unfortunately not be worth the ecological devastation it would cause.
We did try this once, but the problem arose that so many solar panels act as a kind of
reflective magnifying glass for the sun’s rays. It’s unfortunate that we cooked all
the creatures and nature of Mars, because apparently it’s a red wasteland now. Whoops.
If you take a random ant from a colony and put it 20 meters away, will it find its way "home"? Would
a permanently separated ant survive on its own? Most of the time, it will. This is because ants
produce a trail of chemicals that help the rest of their colony find their way back
home. Additionally, they carefully count their steps in order to make it easier to return.
Assuming you placed the ant on the other side of the country, it would attempt to find food and
water and search for home, but eventually it would either starve or be eaten as the
chemical trail is no longer within reach. A single ant cannot survive on their own,
as they’re considered an organ or tissue to a larger entity rather than an individual organism.
This is why I was so adamant about finding Nixxiom. He’s gotten lost before when he
accidentally walked 20 metres away from the office building. We found him months
later covered in scars, wearing nothing but a loincloth, holding the carcass of a bear.
He sounds hopeless. Why even bother looking for him?
You know… I find it strange that you wrote in the Planet Dolan book that there was no
evidence of him at home, but you just happened to miss the big coffin with a "wake me" note.
Well uh… it's because he must have put the coffin here recently.
Well then why was it covered in dust? And the message made it sound like it happened years ago.
Maybe if you hadn't destroyed that tape… Hey - don't look at me. He's the one
that abandoned you so he could play a joke. Anyway, whatever, I'm going home.
Hmm…