Hello I m Darren Magee and today s questions are asking what is meant by the term Narcissistic
discard? And why would narcissistic people just discard others? Especially if they put a lot of
time and effort into scheming, manipulating and coercing someone into giving them all
their resources, having their own needs met, and having their own ego boosted? Before answering
these questions, remember, as much as there can be a lot of commonalities with narcissism it's never
really a one size fits all answer. Sometimes it comes down to the individual. It might come
down to the nature of the relationship. So in this video I'm going to outline seven of
the common reasons why they discard other people. I'm also going to look at some of
the reasons and the motivations behind whether or not that discard is permanent or not. So if
you find this video helpful, if you find it interesting, please consider subscribing to
my channel. Now narcissism is characterised by a sense of entitlement. There's grandiosity,
a lack of empathy for others and a constant need for attention and admiration. They can be highly
disagreeable and highly resistant or highly sensitive to criticism. These characteristics
would be long term and they would be pervasive, not just once in a while. Now narcissistic discard
is when and indeed how a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with someone.
Now during a relationship with a narcissist someone might feel as if they've had all the life,
all the joy, all the confidence sucked out of them. All their resources have been depleted,
and it can feel as if they ve just been used. And the sad truth is, in many cases, maybe they
actually were just used. When it comes to the discard, you don't necessarily have to be in
a relationship with a narcissist to be discarded by them. A narcissist can discard someone within
minutes of meeting them if they see them as having no value to them. In some cases even after a brief
conversation, a narcissist can decide whether or not someone is worth pursuing. Those reasons
for pursuing can vary, but it usually comes down to that person has something they want or need,
something that might be useful or beneficial to them. But if they don't have anything they tend
to not bother, maybe even just ignore them. However if new information or a new situation
arises or that person suddenly does have something of value to them they ll maybe go straight back to
them acting as if that previous ignoring them didn't happen. But if there was a relationship,
some of the reasons for the discard, in no particular order would be firstly because maybe
that person is just no longer useful. They may be of no further help to them, regards their goals,
their agenda. That person may have no more money or no more resources left. Their situation may
have changed somehow. Maybe they re now moving in different circles, not the circles the narcissist
needs them to be moving in. The narcissist may have just used them for their contacts,
their social network. Once they have been able to maybe establish their own relationships with
those people, that person is now have no further value. They can be like that with work colleagues,
friends, even their partners. That being said if they are in a relationship with that person,
narcissists typically don't let go of their supply of attention and admiration unless
or until they ve found a new one. Which leads me on to the second reason. Perhaps they think they
ve found someone better now. They might not be better, it might just be someone else, someone who
maybe isn't onto them. But the narcissists often behave as if this new person is better and they
begin that cycle of love bombing again. They may exaggerate their new partner or their new friends
amazing qualities. They may show what a great life they re having together just to share with
their ex you weren't enough. The third reason for the discard could be maybe that person no longer
fuels their ego. And this could be for a number of reasons. Maybe they stopped praising them.
Maybe they stopped worshipping, and maybe they've stopped giving them what they want. Maybe they've
even just stopped listening to them. Remember that huge sense of entitlement? You're not seeing me
the way I see me, you're dumped. That being said, in some cases, even if they still are
getting their needs met, even if they're still getting their ego boosted, a narcissist might
become bored. It's like one source is never really enough. They might already be looking
for a new source or new sources. The next reason for the discard might sound like something of a
strange paradox. Narcissistic people tend to be very controlling and like to control everything,
even control other people, which is why they tend to be very coercive and manipulative. They may say
to someone, in order to be loved, in order to be respected, you have to do what I say. You have to
give me what I demand. They can spend a lot of time pulling their victims apart, finding ways
to manipulate and coerce and even trauma bond them and in many cases being successful. But
once they have control they may no longer have any interest or respect for that person because
they are so easily manipulated. It s like the more they getaway with the more they do and the
more they do, the more they despise the person they're doing it to. And number five is actually
the opposite. Perhaps their target, their victim, was becoming too difficult to control. Perhaps
they were becoming more assertive. They were asking questions. They not only communicated but
are reinforcing their boundaries, calling them out for their selfish behaviour, perhaps they ve been
becoming more defiant. They've been developing healthy relationships with others, or reconnecting
with past relationships. People with healthy relationships with other people tend not to be
as controllable, which I think is why narcissistic people often isolate their victims from others to
make them more dependent on them. It could be that despite the narcissists attempts to sabotage them,
they might be becoming quite successful in their own right. They are earning praise and admiration
from others for their own efforts, and this can bring up a lot of envy in the narcissist.
Remember, people are supposed to envy them. So they see that their schemes aren't working or
they're getting nowhere. If they see their victim even begin to outshine them, and maybe others are
beginning to see them for what they really are, they may just move on to someone new to control.
Reason number six, the discard comes because the narcissist wants to be pursued, chased,
pleaded with the come back. After all, they are the best thing that could ever happen to someone.
It could also be a means of punishment. You don't get me back until you start to comply. And lastly
number seven, a narcissist might just up and leaves, discard someone as soon as they re on
to them. When someone knows that they are envious, they are liars, manipulative and cruel, they can
expose them. They have become a liability. So in that case the discard has become about self
preservation. It's better to discard than to be discarded. And when this happens, it's not
uncommon that they would try to destroy that other persons character, their reputation to others,
to create a false narrative in order to protect their own sense of self. And to answer the last
of the questions is the discard permanent? That really depends on the person and the nature of the
relationship. It might not be permanent because narcissists tend to use others just to meet her
own needs. They tend to think in terms of who can give them what they want, who can boost their ego,
who can maintain that sense of grandiosity. But their focus is primarily always on themselves. Now
they may weigh up the pros and cons of staying or going in a relationship, and it's whether or
not there are more pros and cons decides whether or not there's going to be a discard, and indeed
whether or not it's going to be permanent. If after they ve dumped someone, they ve discarded
them and begin to feel of loss of something really important to them, they might try to come back or
maybe their new supply didn't work out for them, so they try to come back. Or maybe no one else
will have them. So they try to come back. Then they engage in what's commonly referred to as
hoovering. They remember in the early stages of that relationship that the love, that kind is the
affection, seemed to work. During their relationship those little crumbs of attention and
affection may have kept someone hooked. They may try the same things again but it will always be
for their own benefit. If the discard is permanent it could well be because they genuinely do believe
they are better off in this new situation or this new relationship. The only contact that their
ex might get is just to let them know how much better off they are. Another reason why it could
be permanent is, as I said earlier, narcissists like to be in control. So if they leave someone,
even if they left that person defeated, drained, heartbroken, they maybe think they've won. But
in the mean time, if not person as may be sought support, maybe they ve found their voice, they had
taken control of the interactions between them, maybe they've decided to go no contact themselves.
Or perhaps you're using the Grey Rock method. The discard then eventually becomes permanent
because nothing they do works. They no longer have any control and this can be both frustrating and
exhausting for a narcissist. So to summarise, narcissists tend to think of others as a supply
in order to get what they want. They use others to prop up their sense of self and can have trouble
maintaining long term relationships, certainly healthy ones anyway. Because relationships require
accommodation, give and take and working towards common goals and these things are not necessarily
on a narcissist s radar. And that doesn't mean they don't have long term relationships. Many do,
but they tend to be quite dysfunctional and unhealthy for others. They are just some of the
reasons why a narcissist will discard others. Now as always if there's anything I haven't mentioned,
anything I've forgotten, please feel free to use the comment box below there are some interesting
conversations start around these videos. If you found this video helpful if you found
it interesting please consider subscribing to my channel and until next time thanks for watching.