Me mum cared for me dad on her own for a good 20 years,
he's been poorly for a long time
he hasn't just got dementia, he's got MS,
so he's been homebound for a lot of years
and obviously my mum was his main carer and she wouldn't have him in a home
it was her worst nightmare to bring him in
so bringing him in was
not just a big thing for my dad
but the whole family because we're a big family
we're very close it just upset everybody.
For a lot of people moving into a care home can be accompanied
with a real sense of loss.
It's really important that care homes are able to think about what
it feels like for people going through that process proactively
and work with individuals and their families
to find a way of reducing that emotional trauma
and making the transition as as positive an experience as it can be
so that it's not something that people look to as a last resort
or feel that they're losing part of themselves
when they move into a care home but they can also
begin to look forward to what life might be like
when they do move.
Sometimes transitioning into a care home can be quite unexpected
and what we would expect to see as commissioners is
that the care home are able to reassure the
resident that although this is a life changing experience for them
they will do their very best to ensure that their lives aren't
changed beyond all recognition and in fact
it would be hoped that life can go on
as much as it was before.
I always say to people don't look at just one care home
don't choose the first place you go to
it's but like choosing a car, you don't sit in a car for the first time
and think, oh this is the one I'm going to have you look at two or three
different sorts of care homes because not each care home is gonna meet your needs.
And I also say to families don't think about what you want out of a care home
think about what your mum, dad, aunt and uncle are going to want out of a care home.
We look at people's needs physically but we also look at people's needs
as a whole person so it's about looking at their spiritual needs
looking at their emotional needs and we also look at their home life what do you normally
do at home?
If you live in a clutter free environment it's very clinical
then this home may not be suitable
but if you live in an old house that's very homely,
it's got lots of wood in it then this house might be a nice place for you
because it's very familiar.
When someone moves in even if we have the information
that's been provided by the previous setting
it's very important to check out whether the information is correct whether it's
true to the individual at that point in time
and it's very important for us to develop our own connection
with the individual.
Someone will say "oh he used to do this or he used to do that"
and you know or "he can't do this" or
"oh no you've got to feed them they can't feed themselves they can't assist themselves"
you know and then you see the residents just sort of eat by themselves
and they do feed themselves independent of what the family has just told you
so it's sometimes I think families can be
that - the resident
can rely on the family member too much
so much so that person, they feel that that person isn't able
to move forward.
The moment you meet the person
that's when that's your opportunity to start to develop that trust
which is fundamental in the work that we do.
The crucial thing is that if
you say to an to someone that you've just met
you're going to come back in five minutes or you're going to do something for them
that you actually do do that
because nothing is quicker at breaking down a relationship of trust
is not being able to do what you said you were going to do.
We took my mum on holiday last year
she's never been abroad in her life before
and we've got her a passport and she'd never leave my dad
so she's never been. So we had a family holiday
and if you asked her to done that a couple years ago she would
have never left him for more than a day even going out for day she needs to be
back in case the home rang or anything like that
and she said now I'm going to go because I know he's in safe hands.
And I think for my mom to have done that for ten days to go away...
It's the first time she's ever done it, says a lot