Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
'You must have come here for some other reason besides just curiosity'
Way back when Dark Corners started one of the first films we reviewed was Bride of the Gorilla.
'I could climb as if I had wings.'
Set in a generic Hollywood jungle, with natives from wherever,
a character role for Lon Chaney jr. and directed by Kurt Siodmak
'Home of Cobra people'
Cobra woman is set in generic Hollywood India, with natives from wherever,
a character role for Lon Chaney and is directed by Robert Siodmak.
'I don't like it, I don't like it at all'
It should be stressed, Robert was the better director, with such classics as the Killers to his name,
but nobody's perfect.
The problems with Cobra Woman can be divided into actual problems,
and 'boy has this not aged well'
'Why you get mad big fellah?'
Hollywood loved exotic foreign adventures, largely because the censorship of the time,
which forbade women showing more than an ankle, had a sort of get-out clause for 'natives',
because semi-nudity is normal for these savages,
whereas God-fearing Americans were of course born fully dressed
'I'd like to see that'
So, as long as it's clear that she's Indian, Maria Montez can wear this revealing...
in fact practically see-through dress.
'Happy Tulia?'
'Oh yes Rahul.'
On the other hand this outrageous display of inter-racial kissing can only be justified one way...
'And thy God my God'
It's okay, she's been converted.
Whereas the other natives...
'Fear has made them religious fanatics'
Yeah, it's a fine line.
'No, I only kneel when Father Paul tell me to'
And if you think all this is an odd display of 1940s morality,
then take a look at this strangely modest chimp...
Like I said: not aged well.
As evidenced by the natives, who can be as Indian as Sabu
'That bad too'
as Dominican as Maria Montez
'I belong here'
and
'I know you!'
Of course you do, it's Lon Chaney jr.
'You stranger here? you come from far away?'
The only thing that unites the inhabitants of these islands is they all speak English,
even when talking to each other.
'I demand more gold.'
and it gets weirder, the plot centres around Montez's Tollea and her twin sister
'Twin sister!'
Steady on mate.
They were separated as children, one raised by a British missionaries,
the other on an isolated Indian island, yet both have the same accent.
'The cobra jewel belongs to the high priestess. Who are you?'
'I am your sister. Can you look at me and deny it'
Whereas their Grandmother apparently went to the island's finishing school
'These people are your people'
and whoever taught Sabu English was clearly just taking the piss
'Music maker also murder stick'
The actual problems with this movie are mostly really dumb -
There's Sabu's blow dart that turns a panther into a soft toy.'
The well-dressed chimp follows hero, Jon Hall and Sabu to Cobra island.
'Coco, take me Talia.'
How? Did he charter a boat?
Then there's bad Queen Nadja's instructions to her guards.
'Search the island for a woman'
What any woman?
'A beautiful, young woman'
She's describing her twin sister.
'Twin sister!'
and doesn't think to say, 'Oh, by the way, she looks like me'
'I don't believe it'
I also have to mention the priest who appears to be on fire
And...
'Ye dinna believe do ye lad, that a scotsman would part with a valuable trophy'
Damn, I thought the native accents were bad.
'He say boy suffer tree torture.'
'Tree torture?'
'Hand tied high on tree, feet tie on ground, tree stand up, stretch little fella.'
In the end the good guys win, mostly through clumsiness.
And the volcano which has been threatening to erupt throughout...
'Mortock dead, fire mountain no longer angry with us.'
Well wasn't that convenient.
'I got more or less what I expected.'
From seperate beds to carefully timed kisses, Hollywood censorship did go a bit nuts for a few decades
What's your no sex please we're American moment? Let us know in the comments below.
Thanks for watching and don't forget to subscribe.
'Was tortured lad, tortured it into unconsciousness.
'Oh I see.'