So, I thought I will do something fun.
What do you like drinking… what do you like eating with tea?
What's your favourite thing to eat? - Biscuits.
Biscuits? - Yeah? Okay.
That's normal. Awesome.
Toast. One guy's like toast, bro?
Toast? What kind of toast? Normal toast? Cheese toast?
What is it?
Did you say toast?
I didn't say.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He's like, don't put the responsibility on me!
Who said toast?
I... - Yeah? Yeah? What kind of toast do you have?
Rusk. - Rusk, you have?
Sir, are you a dog, sir? Are you...?
No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Sorry.
It's just that rusk is such an awkward biscuit.
You have to give it to them.
How the hell do they market rusk?
Sir, we manufacture all the biscuit.
There is some shit remaining, sir, from all the biscuit manufacturing
which is dried, sir. Has no life.
The animals are getting scared from it, sir.
We are trying to put into mattresses.
The mattress has become hard, sir.
Sir, we put it in the sun.
And after 20 days and it was still the same, sir.
Sir, how do we… what do we do with this, sir?
Call it rusk.
I have a lot of biscuits with me.
Let's do the biscuit review.
You whistled for…?
Yeah. It's all a surprise and stuff.
Okay, now. Now…
Now, the first one is a very arrogant biscuit that...
revolved it's entire marketing strate…
I can do this. I can do this.
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H…
Strategy.
School was always tough.
So, this biscuit marketed itself as a tea biscuit
and literally no one freaking has this with tea.
Which is Marie Gold, of course.
Marie Gold is like, have with tea, please!
Have with tea.
It's one lifeless, shield-looking, tea coaster biscuit.
If you don't want to eat us, just put us down.
Put a cup on it. Please, just eat us, man.
Please. It's named after my auntie who I had the hots for.
Marie.
You can't talk about tea unless you have Parle G, okay?
- Yes. Oh!
Oh!
Fun story. This is actually a missing child.
So, there's…there's no copyright problem.
There's no copyright.
So this is a lovely…only Rs.10/-.
At one point I think Parle G is going to go to negative.
At some point.
Only minus 10.
I like Parle G because Parle G is like, is like your
you know that friend in your group who is just trying to fit in.
Who has no personality.
He just becomes a personality depending on the situation.
So, if you dip this in tea, it becomes tea flavour, your like...
Wow, Parle G. Thank you!
It's like I have no feelings.
It's just dead inside. Parle G has no preferences.
You put Parle G in water also, it will be equally happy.
Yeah, yeah fucking… dip me anywhere.
Just man...do something. Just...
I'm 10 bucks, seriously. Just.
The Good Day biscuit is your uncle...
who comes to your gathering even though he is not invited.
But, it's okay. He's there.
He doesn't talk much.
He doesn't interfere with anybody.
Very calm.
You know, you say, 'Uncle, how are you?' I'm good.
Reliable uncle. You know he won't annoy you.
Correctly at 10 pm, everyone is leaving.
You know what, everyone's going, I will also go.
That's Good Day.
Good Day is just one boring uncle.
They tried and all with flavours and all.
Now, Good Day with nuts.
Now, Good Day with butter.
Now, Good Day with Good Day.
You know, this is very disturbing.
Marie digestive.
Suddenly, everyone is like, what the fuck,
Marie is not digestable?
Like why would you do this to your own brand?
Why would you?
It's like. It's like Maggie is like, here's Maggie.
And now, here's safe Maggie. You are like…what?
What do you mean?
What does this mean?
Okay, who the fuck buys Monaco?
I don't know... Does anyone buy Monaco?
No. - Yeah. Why do they make these?
Why?
So at one point, they market… They tried to change the marketing.
They were like 'Oh, take Monaco, and put cheese and put capsicum on it.
You can do that with anything, Monaco.
I can do that with literally anything.
I can put that on bread and make… oh, that's a sandwich!
I don't know why…
I get very annoyed when people buy Monaco.
I'm like, this much imagination also you don't have.
Oh…okay, this is one fa… This is yummy as hell.
Jim Jams. Oh, look at you guys.
Everyone's like…
I need some, bro.
I have seen professional relationships get destroyed in office pantries.
Okay, 50-50.
I used to eat this shit like Pringles, bro.
This is like the Pringles of biscuits. - Yeah.
You can't just have one.
You're like what am I doing? Ah...
Just four of them at one point.
But, they started experimenting too much.
They should have stuck to the silver one.
It was peaceful.
Just... just... they were like…
What can we do, sir? What can we do?
It's actually selling well.
Sir, but everyday it is so successful, we don't do anything in office, sir.
Hey, it's not so funny, also. Okay?
From that time you guys.
This is bourbon, dude. - Whoa!
I was in…a defense kid.
Like my dad was in the defense and...
This was the most expensive thing used to come out of the canteen.
Yeah? This is the best biscuit ever.
It's so beautifully designed.
Like sometimes, I used to not use the scale.
I used this and make…tasty lines.
It's chocolate crème, yeah.
Chocolate crème.
In chocolate biscuit.
I'm sure when they had the meetings
they were like chocolate crème and chocolate biscuit…
Bro, stop, bro.
It's a brobon, sir.
It's a very weird name, no? Okay.
Bourbon.
Some people call it bonbon.
You know who you are.
Now...
all of you like F.R.I.E.N.D.S., right?
Yes!
You know why we like F.R.I.E.N.D.S.?
Cause it secretly makes us feel American.
I know what America is. It's nice.
That's what Oreo is.
When you feel…kind of… like insecure about being Indian…
You are like…hey bro, I am cool. I have an American biscuit.
Oreo is not that great, guys.
But, it's fun to react like…Whoa!
Whoa. I love Oreo!
Put it in a milkshake.
I want an Oreo milkshake.
Put it in a sandwich. I want an Oreo sandwich.
Put it on my face.
Okay…now, this is... this is crackers.
Now, if anyone has eaten this, can you raise your hands?
You've eaten it? Why? Why do you guys eat it?
Are you guys a parrot?
If an animal is associated with liking a biscuit, don't buy that biscuit.
I am not kidding.
The first time, someone gave me crackers
I was like this biscuit is rotten.
They were like, 'No, it's like that only.'
I'm like, 'I'm not a retard, bro.'
Stop giving me old parathas and saying, 'No, no. It's a tortilla.'
It's rotten biscuits.
If you put them outside and you package it
This is American rusk.
I don't know why people are buying it.
I want to introduce a biscuit to you.
It's like my giving.
I don't know how many of you guys know about Nice Time?
Yeah? - Yeah?
Yeah. Are you guys Malayali or South Indian by any chance?
Yes! Yes, you are, right?
Yeah. You are South Indian?
Yeah? I don't know why it's…
because there's a fucking coconut tree.
That's a simple marketing you have to do
to get us South Indians to buy anything.
Sir, why don't you buy this tablecloth?
I don't…I don't want a tablecloth.
Sir, there's a coconut tree. Give me 5!
Nice Time is a biscuit which has sugar on top of it.
It's not powdered sugar.
It's your normal home sugar…
Literally, some five Malayali aunties just… they just put this and they sell this.
But, it's amazing, guys.
It's amazing!
Okay, I can't do a biscuit thing without bringing up Little Hearts.
Oh. - Ah.
I don't know how it does that, right?
Like your like… I'm having a bad day.
But, have a biscuit.
I don't…I'm having a bad day. Have a Little Hearts.
Oh…
You feel like you are having the hearts of little children. No?
Like some kids are dying in some hospital.
It just melts in your mouth. It's the best thing ever.
This is one biscuit I will take home after the show.
It's awesome, dude.
I'm sure there is cocaine in this.
The classic means cocaine.
It's awesome.
Okay, so, actually Hide N Seek, I call it the Hrithik Roshan biscuit.
This and Milano.
Oh Milano, what have you done to my bakery?
That was one weird ass ad.
So, Hide N Seek is like, again like..It...
it feels like you are eating a bathroom tile. I don't know.
This could…definitely be used as a bathroom tile.
The biscuit that triumphs all of this…
Is bakery biscuit.
I don't know…I think this happens in South India.
You'll have bakeries with like glass tumblers.
Yeah. - And they fill bis...
It happens here also, right? Yes.
But, usually here when I have seen it looks like it's infested with freaking some…
I feel like damn courageous…
Like when someone's like…
Bro, give me that biscuit like...
I'm like which one? The packaged one? No, the one in the glass jar.
I'm like bro you are… freakin' balls you have, bro.
You should try this. It's the best of all of these.
And that brings us to the end of biscuit review. Yeah.
Like these biscuits.
I have to now clean all this.
I feel really bad when I go to a clothing store.
I'm like, 'Bro, show me this and that.'
Show me that shirt, those jeans.
I don't want anything and you leave.
He has to put all the fucking pants and shirts back.
Fold them.
Bro, just a minute. Did you keep it back? Why?
Oh, I'm not imitating a girl. That's how I talk in shops.
That's me in a shop.
Bro.
My tea has become cold.
So sad, na. Something so awesome becomes so bad when it's cold.
Like dead bodies.
But, thank you so much for liking the show.
If you notice I am wearing a Robo Rakesh t-shirt
which is also coincidently going for charity.
Good news from the last t-shirts
We sold about a 1000 freaking t-shirts!