- My first guest is a hell of a talk show host,
a producer, a comedian, an activist
and a six-time New York Time's best-selling author,
not too shabby.
Her new book is called "Life Will Be the Death of Me
"and you, too!" (laughs)
It's awesome.
I always love seeing her, Chelsea Handler, y'all.
Hi! - Hi, hi!
- How are you?
- I'm good, honey.
How are you doing?
- I love your house.
- I do, too!
- Oh, my gosh!
But anyway, life has certainly changed
since we saw each other last.
I don't know, I guess everybody's been,
in your own relative way,
whatever's happening in your life.
So how have you been handling not only the quarantine
but there's the Black Lives Matter.
There's just a lot going on right now.
How are you handling everything?
- Well, the quarantine started with two weeks,
I did my own quarantine.
And then, my sister came down with her three kids.
And so, they invaded my house.
What I realized when quarantine happened
is people start to get worried about me, 'cause I'm single.
They're like, "Oh, Chelsea.
"She's alone, she's single."
- I get jealous! (laughs)
- I'm like, "This is exactly what I've been hoping for."
I don't need anybody to look after me.
I mean, I do need people to work things around my house,
'cause I'm useless in that department.
So that would be helpful if I were gonna get a boyfriend,
if he were good at that stuff.
So they invaded my house and they were here for two months.
And so, I had a full house of kids and a mom
and we'd had dinners and played board games.
It was sweet. - Oh, I love board games.
- I don't. - I do.
- It was sweet to have that family vibe,
because obviously I'm single and very loud about that.
And I'm childless.
But also in quarantine, I've learned
that being single and childless is like,
"You know, I made a couple of smart moves."
(laughs)
- Coming from a person who spent most of the quarantine
with three children, it was a lot.
I wanna ask, because we're now finally having
a real conversation about white privilege.
I actually watch a lot of things you do,
'cause I'm a fan of yours.
But last year, you did a documentary called,
"Hello Privilege. It's Me, Chelsea."
Way ahead of the curve on that one.
But what inspired you to do that
and what did you learn from it?
- I wrote my last book, "Life Will Be the Death of Me"
which was about going to therapy
for the first time in my life.
And when I did go to therapy for the first time in my life,
after Trump was elected in 2016,
I had a lot of anger and I had a lot of rage
about him being elected and I didn't understand.
And so, I had to do some really deep digging
to A, what was going on with me and my reaction to that
and why I couldn't calmly discuss it
instead of with my veins popping out of my neck
and tweeting while I'm sleeping.
Trying to actually get a hold of my emotions
and be in a place where I'm responding, not reacting.
And through that work and going to therapy
seriously for a while, it was just obvious to me
how I had failed to look around and see
how the color of my skin has been such a benefit
to my own success.
So I was very interested in doing a documentary
about finding out, what does white privilege mean?
Because to me, it just meant,
"Oh, people who go to Harvard
"or go to those Ivy League schools or the Rockefellers."
I thought that was white privilege,
when I started that documentary.
And then you learn that, no,
you don't have to go to an Ivy League school.
Your family doesn't have to be wealthy
for it to be a privilege to have white skin.
You are benefiting from a system
that is hurting other people.
As long as people are hurting,
then there is a group of people
that are benefiting from that.
That's just the way it works.
And so, it opened my eyes so much
and I just loved that film and I had to say it.
And it was a film to white people.
To say, "Listen, I know these conversations
"are uncomfortable, but we should be having them
"because we have a problem in this country."
- And without you being uncomfortable,
I don't think change will even occur.
So you're a part of a protest in Los Angeles,
or protests, rather in Los Angeles.
So how did that experience make you feel?
Because I have friends that have gone out
and there have been very different experiences,
depending on which protest and where you were
and what happened.
So how was your experience?
- I went to a couple.
One was organized by the LGBTQ community in West Hollywood.
So it was the most organized protest
I've ever been to in my life.
- I love those people.
Organization! - Yeah, I'm like,
"Oh my God, you guys.
"You guys should arrange all the marches!"
(laughs)
It was totally peaceful, it was beautiful
and it was nice.
I did go to the big LA one previous to that.
That was in a big park and then it took to the streets.
And then, that was one of the protests
that got a little bit out of control at nighttime
and it turned into looting and all of that.
But I had left earlier on.
As soon as the social distancing became impossible
and irresponsible, I felt like, "Okay, let me go.
"I've been here."
How did it make me feel?
It made me feel great.
I wish I had gone out every single day to protest.
And I just feel like we have,
whatever every person is doing,
and some people aren't doing anything yet
because they're not sure what to do,
but we can all do a little bit more.
We can just do a little bit more
to broaden our awareness and learn
a little bit more than we already know.
- Absolutely.
And even if you can't go protest,
having those hard conversations with your family.
And depending on where you're from,
especially where I'm from,
those can be very difficult conversations.
But they're important for all of us
if we actually wanna see something happen
and not repeat the same vicious cycle.
But one of the things I found interesting about you,
because I do think that you're really open,
is that you've said earlier you were against therapy.
And then, you actually ended up doing it.
Was a lot of it because dealing
with the death of your brother?
'Cause I imagine that had to be huge for you.
- Yeah.
I had this crazy reaction to Trump.
And I was like, "This is unmanageable, my outrage."
And people were seeing me coming and they're like (groans).
And then, he explained to me over time
and over a lot of work, that Trump being elected
was really the trigger of the only other time in my life
where things were out of control.
Even if you look at me as someone who's out of control,
it's like, "I've got my act together.
"I know what's up and what's down and what's happening."
It felt like the world was not in control.
And he took me back to my childhood.
I thought I was too smart to ever even have to go there.
- Actually, 100% no and go to therapy.
So, yes. (laughs) - Right, so you know.
- You think you're past it and you know it.
And although you know the situation
and although you think you figured it out,
you just don't realize how much PTSD comes into play
when one thing triggers you like that.
- Absolutely.
He just took me back to my childhood and built
on my relationship with my brother and reminded me
of why there was so much pain inside of me
that presented as anger.
Underneath the anger is always something
hurtful. - Deeper.
- Yeah.
And so, I was acting out.
It worked for me for most of my life, not addressing it.
But eventually,
it catches up to you. - Compartmentalizing
only works for so long.
- Eventually, your life is broken
and there's no way to walk without crutches.
And then, eventually you have to go to the doctor
and be like, "Can you patch me up the real way
"and the right way?"
So I had great therapy experience
and that's what my whole book is about,
is about therapy and I.
I thought, "Oh, my God.
"If this is how I'm dealing with something
"that happened to me when I was nine,
"imagine how many other people have the same experience.
"I've overshared, my entire career is about oversharing.
"So why not overshare this beautiful thing
"that can actually help heal people?"
It helped heal me, for sure.
- I'm called an over-sharer as well.
At some point, I think that's also why people
tend to believe you when you say something
or tend to believe me when I say something
'cause it's always coming from a really honest place
and there are no walls up in that instance.
I don't know, sometimes I think oversharing
can be a good thing.
All right, well thank you so much, Chelsea.
Y'all have to get Chelsea's book,
"Life Will Be the Death of Me."
It's available in paperback on June 23rd.
Support your independent bookstores and support Chelsea.
Obviously, great author.
She's had a billion number one books.