I had just found evidence to void the legitimacy of the Duke's claim on the late Viceroy to State's title,
clearing the way for the King's brother's second son to inherit,
which has obvious implications on the entire line of succession,
and yet instead of restructuring the entire government of this kingdom,
here we are trying to find a magical forest creature to resurrect our dumb friend.
-It's called an organic narrative. Things happen that you don't expect.
Just like in real life.
-In real life, a supposedly brilliant rogue who would not try to pickpocket to the crown off the king's head,
[Dead Rogue] It's not like I was trying to die.
-Well then you have a natural talent for it. Either way you're dead, so you can't be talking right now.
-Well.
What have we here.
-Oh Greetings Madam, we come seeking the gift of life for a recently departed friend.
-Ah. You've come to the right place. I possess the power of the mystical and marvelous Fae mother.
I will happily help you retrieve your friend's soul. For a price.
-Why are you doing this?
-It's a rich multifaceted world. Just roll with the punches.
Now. Before I bestow upon you the magic of the wild, I must first determine if you are worthy.
Show me a quick wit and a playful heart, and I shall grant you your wish.
[Magical Ding!]
-So we have to answer a riddle or something?
-Yes! But only those who are sincerely-
-Three. My guess is three.
-I haven't given you the riddle yet.
-Whaaat? That's the wrong answer? That's a shame.
I guess we'll have to go now.
-You can avoid fun all you like, but you can't ruin mine.
I get a guess too. Lay it on me.
-It went before my fathers before me and it will follow after here too.
-What?
What is that?
-No no, give me a minute. I'm sure I can get it.
[Dead Rogue] Guys come on. I'm tired of just sitting here.
-You are dead and your input is irrelevant.
-Is the answer time?
-No.
[Death Rogue with a high voice] Oh, what's this? A magical fairy approaches!
-You are not a fairy. Tell her she's not a fairy.
[Fairy?] What ho, my goodly friends?
I am but a humble forest fairy and I could not help but overhear.
I think your friend probably just made an honest mistake.
Dear Satyr, surely there are some other tests by which these gentlemen might prove themselves worthy?
-Yes.
Yes, of course.
The, uh,
test of Iron ... Resolve. You must retrieve this necklace that was lost long ago,
and fell into the looming jaws of...
this box.
-I could break that
-Well, it's cursed. Real bad. So don't.
-Poe wrote on both.
-No.
-Fine, so we can be proven worthy of a near divine boon by solving a cheap puzzle from Walmart?
-I'll take that.
-Okay. Well, that's gonna take three hours, so any chance
there's yet another method of bringing tactless murder-hobos back to life?
-Retconning?
-Okay. I'm leaving the magical fairy forest.
[Fairy] W-woah wait. No. Um.
Look, uh, the forest itself offers its own test of worthiness.
Just beyond here lies a devious maze, and it is said that whoever enters it
would be blessed with lots of gold ..
And, uh, politics.
-Nice try, but I'm still not interested and you're still dead and not the DM.
-Is it bread?
-No. -Apples?
-No. -Very small rocks?
-No.
-You haven't got a golden ring in your pocket 'ave you?
-No.
[Fairy] Fine.
Behold, it is I, the ancient and mighty god of,
of, clever rewards and the power of friendship
-And half dead cedar trees.
-Yes! Those too.
Congratulations. This was all an elaborate ruse designed to test the limits of your patience and moral convictions.
Simply walk beneath my branches and your dear, fondly remembered companion will spring back to life.
Oh come on, what do you want?
-Look, I'm not here to ply my wits against a pile of Laffy Taffy wrappers and some four-year-old's coloring book activity.
This game is about people. It's about relationships.
It's about understanding that everybody's story is a thread in the social fabric of society,
and best yet, how you can pluck any single stitch in the tapestry of life and use it to twist the strings of fate anywhere else in that pattern.
That power to weave together or unravel anybody's story of your choosing.
That is the kind of challenge I'm looking for.
-Oh! Is the answer four?
-Yes.
-Ha! Also, I got this.
You see, you let yourself get invested in the story unfolding around you
and you never know what can happen.
-As a reward for solving the puzzles, your party gets
one Wish, which you can use for-
-I wish he was also dead.
tada
(Living Forever by JP De Ovando)