This is Cynthia Sue Larson, with realityshifters.com
Today I'd like to talk with you about why and how
we might wish to become resilient.
I recently read an article in the Atlantic that talked about the
benefits of optimism.
It included reference to a couple of movies, including
"Silver Linings Playbook," and "The Life of Pi."
Both of these movies are remarkable because they
show the benefits of resilience, of
bouncing back from difficult circumstances.
Studies are showing that some people are actually
better at being resilient, and
making that kind of a bounce-back.
And also, this is a skill that we can all learn.
So there's good news, because inevitably,
we do get thrown some hurdles, and challenges
and difficulties in life
that sometimes can feel overwhelming, as they did
to the characters in both of those two movies.
So you can watch those movies, if you haven't seen them already,
and take a look, just to see
the signs of resilience. To see
the ways that these characters are able to bounce back
from situations that could be
considered devastating to a lot of people.
One thing that came up in the Atlantic article, that I thought was fascinating
was that venting does not
really help. And I touch on this subject in my book,
"Quantum Jumps," as well,
also including some studies and references.
But what's amazing to a lot of people--because you think,
"I'm just going to vent my anger, my frustration....
I'll feel better." And perhaps to some degree, that's true. But shockingly,
when the researchers were looking at this exact phenomenon,
what they noticed was that people
who hit the punching bags and yelled and screamed
actually felt worse than the people who
changed their frame of mind completely; who didn't
think about what was upsetting them.
They just shifted their focus onto something else.
And that's incredible; that you're going to feel
worse if you do that kind of venting.
The other take-away is that positive emotions
heal. This means that things like
laughter, yoga, or just smiling
because you feel like it can actually
lift your spirits. Doing a physical thing
can raise you up. And also,
this is part of resiliency as well, because
people who are resilient
are able somehow to look at these
difficult situations that seem impossible to some people,
or horrendous, or
people start thinking in terms of, "There's a conspiracy afoot!
They've got it in for me!" Resilient people recognize
where is the challenge? Where is the opportunity here?
Which brings us to looking for ways we can
improve. Now you know that I like to ask the question, "How good can it get?"
So, when you're facing a difficult situation,
it's hard, sometimes, to think, how are you going to
practice being resilient? So go ahead and practice
ahead of time. Go ahead and start today.
The best results, that I have found, we do well to
make lemons--find the lemons and make the lemonade, obviously.
And the way we do that
is to get ourselves into a positive state of mind.
So rather than venting,
the first step I recommend is to
recognize difficult situations as opportunities.
Because you are retraining your brain; you are retraining your mind; your way of thinking.
Take a look, instead of grumbling
and venting, you can actually
make something positive from what's going on.
Two, describe why one of your most
winning qualities is important. This one is super important
to do in case you feel excluded, shut out, or
in any way
just like you've been neglected or
sort of turned down.
So it is a way to overcome rejection.
Rejection can be extremely painful, and extremely devastating.
And so what we need to do in those cases, where, inevitably
we do get cut out from something
that we thought we'd get to do, just recognize
and remind yourself of this amazing quality that
you have--you've got several--think of several. But then pick one,
and go into some detail. Talk aloud, or write it down;
why it is that this is such a good quality for you to have.
Three: that's where you start setting some
attainable, yet challenging, goals.
You can make yourself better. You can come through this better than you've ever been
before. This is part of "How good can it get?"
Yes, it takes effort. But, it's worth it!
And then Four: Keep asking "How good can it get?"
So this is advice that I myself follow.
This is not something I'm just telling you,
like it sounds good on paper, or good in theory.
This really works. And I recommend
in addition, of course, in every situation,
always ask, "How good can it get?"
And if you can't think of what the answer might
be, recognize that you are turning it over to imagination,
inviting a conversation with the universe.
So until next time, how good can it get when you work on
mastering becoming resilient?
Thank you!