Translator: Elisabeth Buffard
Every adult wants children to be happy,
to be themselves, to be self-confident,
to be enthusiastic, to play and laugh a lot.
However, there are distressing statistics and big paradoxes.
At school, one in ten children experiences bullying.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people.
The dangers of the Web are well known and yet
80% of seven to twelve-year-olds watch videos alone.
Children are taught to behave well outside,
“Be polite, be good.”
But they do not always know the existence of their inner power.
Parents strive to be good parents,
but it is not that easy.
I was one of those people caught in the cycle of unhappiness.
The woman who worked too much
in the whirlwind world of communication,
the mother who was doing her best.
I would have appreciated always being available for playing
relaxing and being everywhere at the same time.
Convinced of having a pretty good life,
I was actually moving forward,
in robot mode, in survival mode.
Little by little,
as you can imagine,
I became empty, faded and collapsed.
When parents live at 1,000 miles per hour,
children follow without pausing, without taking a breath.
Everyone ends up tired.
Broken families seem less conducive
to a light, carefree, secure childhood.
Ubiquitous screens replace curiosity, nature, games, stories.
They generate agitation and aggression.
And children grow up quickly.
At twelve years old, they are already adolescents and psychologically fragile.
Parents are expected to be guiding and supportive role models.
In the end, too often, the educational message is blurred
while children so need clarity, direction and serenity
to meet the challenges of our changing society.
What if we woke up?
What if we took action?
What if we reversed the trend?
What if we really guided the children?
At 34, I turned everything upside down.
I experienced the four woes:
divorce,
resignation,
moving,
depression.
Experiencing the chaos of an unemployed single mother,
emotionally exhausted,
sick as well.
However, I remained deeply dreamy and optimistic.
Imagine a gentler environment where love and peace radiate.
I was so convinced that it existed that I finally found it.
To do so, I had to take action, think about which path to take.
I began a quest for meaning, a quest for truth.
The Universe of Personal Development appeared before me
and I loved my discoveries.
Taking time for yourself,
learning to love yourself,
deciphering the language of your body,
listening to the voice of his heart,
getting the loops of thoughts out of your head.
Feeling, laughing, crying, thanking.
Transforming past hurts into valuable experiences.
Demonstrating resilience and stepping out of your comfort zone.
Detaching yourself from your guilt.
Cultivating your authenticity.
Accepting your hypersensitivity.
Being strong inside to shine on the outside.
Such a journey of working on oneself is always fraught with pitfalls.
Not everything is pleasant, far from it.
One day, I said to myself:
“If only I had learned all these resources before,
when I was a child.”
So, I dragged my older daughter into this joyful adventure.
And then my younger daughter,
by integrating into our daily lives
well-being rituals that do a lot of good.
Five attitudes have transformed our lives
and could inspire you as parents
or future parents or grandparents.
First attitude:
welcoming and expressing your emotions.
I decided to start with my emotions.
Overview of a scene at home:
“Girls, now, I feel super angry.
I suspect I will explode soon.
I’m going to try to calm down in my room.
I need some peace and quiet please.
Afterwards, we can spend some time together.
Or not.”
Having your own bubble,
your cocoon of refuge,
is essential to relieve tension and recharge with energy.
Second attitude:
establishing pleasant and effective routines.
My daughters have gotten into the habit
of practicing the yoga tree pose,
to help concentrate before homework.
They also use relaxation techniques
to fall asleep more easily.
Developing self-confidence
is best learned in a fun way.
Third attitude:
favoring listening and empathy.
How proud I am, when my little one says to me:
“Mom, I think my big sister
has blue sadness in her heart,
I’m going to lend her your cuddly cat. »
Empathy helps children develop social skills
and creates complicity.
In Denmark,
empathy lessons have been compulsory in schools since 1993.
Fourth attitude:
taking breaks.
Let me tell you my secret.
I make appointments with myself.
To anchor this habit, I committed the mirror hours to memory:
14:14 , 20:20 ,
which are a source of harmony and balance.
For these breaks, I alternate between breathing,
self-massage,
connection to my inner child,
writing.
Children integrate things through imitation.
A child who sees their parents taking breaks
will naturally want to do the same.
Fifth and final attitude:
practicing gratitude.
At home, every evening, at the table,
we tenderly share what we loved about our day.
From a laugh with friends to the scent of an almond candle,
to a delicious chocolate chip cookie.
Gratitude has incredible benefits
and provides an immediate feeling of wonder,
whether you are a child, a teenager or an adult.
I hope these five keys have caught your attention.
I continued my family experiments
with those around me through informal workshops for children,
with a message of well-being,
awareness-raising
and the furious desire to make children happy.
I then noticed that without knowing it,
I was part of a profound revolution in education
that was already well underway.
It is based on the one hand
on questioning the educational systems of yesteryear
and on the latest neuroscience research
on how children’s brains work.
You have certainly heard of oxytocin,
the hormone of love and pleasure.
Did you know that a 20-second hug
releases enough oxytocin
to counter the effects of cortisol, the stress hormone?
I urge you to try it
to perceive the sweetness that rises within you.
Oxytocin is the bonding hormone,
produced among other things at birth and during breastfeeding.
It is the chemical materialization of the emotional bond.
This revolution is based on the other hand
on alternative pedagogies observed particularly in Scandinavian countries,
who consider self-esteem as an essential pillar.
This is why companies are now capitalizing
on so-called behavioral skills.
Things are progressing and in the right direction,
since this re-enchantment begins in childhood.
So I decided to go further.
In my apartment, without specific training,
without money, in my pajamas, carried by my enthusiasm as a happy mother,
I intuitively created a whole concept of well-being workshop for children
In these workshops with a global approach,
children learn to take care of themselves,
to slow down, to connect to the present moment with their head,
their body and their heart.
They discover concrete tools,
adapted according to age and needs,
weather of emotions,
cooperative games,
talking circles,
physical practice,
drawing.
In the space of six years,
my personal practice has developed
to the point of making it my job.
600 women and men are involved in this movement
for the happiness of children
and spread across five continents.
Thanks to them, 60,000 children participated in these workshops.
Success came through word of mouth.
Children feeling good
are better than any communication agency.
Two very concrete cases illustrate my point.
First, Rose, six and a half years old, very important “and a half”,
carrier of a genetic disease.
Rose is often tired, much more than other children
and she frequents hospitals.
She is said to have a certain intolerance to frustration.
She can be mean,
which complicates her social relationships.
Now, every morning, when she wakes up, Rose stretches like a starfish.
She starts her day off right by whispering and having fun.
And every night, her mother gives her a long hug
to release the famous oxytocin
and fill her with love, peace and kindness.
Gradually, Rose mellows,
both toward sherself and towards others.
Océane, thirteen years old.
At school, she was bullied
and developped anorexia and self-harm.
Several elements were combined to reconcile her with her body.
The solution she preferred
was to design Super Océane,
an imaginary superheroine, determined, feel good about herself.
Océane visualized her, drew her and told her of her torments.
Today she is doing well.
She eats a large plate of pasta with motivation
before her athletics competitions.
She knows who she is and she knows that Super Océane is watching over her.
What would have become of Océane without this drawing?
All these well-being rituals cheer you up
and help to face the difficulties of life.
They work for children, obviously, but also for adults,
big kids that they are.
Rose and Océane are particularly important to me
and in my professional vision,
because it’s my daughters’ story.
My contribution to our new world,
it is to offer the possibility, from childhood,
to access well-being resources
like the expression of emotions,
establishing routines,
the development of empathy,
the art of taking breaks and practicing gratitude.
I am convinced that thanks to these simple and fun reflexes,
the children feel soothed, autonomous, strong and fulfilled.
Before, children worked and were beaten with a whip.
Then they were sent to school and punished in the corner.
Yesterday, laws were passed against ordinary educational violence.
For tomorrow,
my dream is that all children
will have personal development tools to be happy
and later become happy adults.
Because it seems obvious to me that raising a strong child
is easier than repairing a broken adult.
Thank you.