- Listen to me, okay.
Your mother needs to manage her weight
or there can be some real problems.
- Oh. Kay, aight, aight, yeah.
Yo mama is so fat
she need a latitude and longitude number
to find her own asshole.
(men laughing and cheering)
- [Man] Look at his face! Look at his face!
- Give it to him, gimme some. (hand slapping)
- That's coordinates son, coordinates.
Now who's the doctor?
♪ All I want, yeah ♪ (heart monitor beeping)
♪ But I don't need you ♪
- I'm telling you, it's totally legal. These doctors
they'll prescribe medical marijuana to anyone, man.
- What do I tell 'em I need it for?
- It doesn't matter.
They want to give you prescription.
It's how they get paid. Just make something up.
- [Doctor] Hey Mr. Washington. Welcome.
- Hey, doctor.
- All right, I'm gonna ask you a couple questions and then-
- AIDS. - What?
- AIDS.
- AIDS as in-
- As in I got it.
Need lots of weed to get rid of it.
- Okay, okay. AIDS.
Wow, all right.
Are you sure you're not suffering from anything else?
Like, you know, back pain?
- Nope. - Anxiety?
- Cool as a cucumber.
- How about insomnia?
- Sleep like a baby
with AIDS.
- Okay. Mr. Washington,
let's just slow your roll for a second here.
If you had AIDS, then I would have to verify it
by seeing test results, whereas if you have back pain
or anxiety or anything else that I can't test for
then I can give you this prescription
for cannabis right now.
- Oh. - Understand?
- Oh, yeah, I see. I get it.
- Awesome. - My bad.
- Good. Good, good, good, okay so-
- Leprosy.
- No, no because if you had leprosy
I'd have to quarantine you. - Ouch.
- What are you, no. Okay, I see your fingers falling off.
- Ouch. - No, don't do that though.
That's not gonna work.
- Scurvy. - Nope.
- Rickets. - What? No.
- Consumption.
- No. Mr. Washington. Something from this century.
- Schizophrenia. - [Doctor] No.
- You don't have schizophrenia.
Yes, you do.
- No, keep it simple. Please.
What the hell is that?
I don't know what that is.
- It's a fish hook in my lip.
- Just pick something off this list.
- I can't reach it.
- Why not?
- Paralyzed.
(Doctor slapping)
- Does your face hurt Mr. Washington?
- Yeah.
- Then this should help.
(defibrillator whirring) (heart monitor beeping)
- Contextualize the whole thing.
- They are a step ahead of us every single time.
(audience murmuring)
- Dicknanigans.
(ominous piano music)
(traffic humming)
(car horn honking) (car smashing)
(leg smacking) (man grunting)
(ominous piano music)
(audience murmuring)
Dicknanigans.
- This is amazing.
- I know.
(ominous piano music continues)
(peaceful piano music)
(shopping cart rattling)
(peaceful piano music continues)
(fist smacking) (man grunting)
(ominous piano music)
- Dicknanigans.
- It's dialogue without dialogue.
- I feel like they're in my head.
(uplifting piano music)
(uplifting piano music continues)
(audience gasping)
(leg smacking) (man grunting)
(audience murmuring) (ominous piano music)
- Dicknanigans.
- Wow.
(leg smacking) (man grunting)
- Dicknanigans.
(leg smacking) (man grunting)
Dicknanigans.
(leg smacking) (man grunting)
Dicknanigans.
(leg smacking) (man grunting)
Dicknanigans.
(audience gasping)
(audience applauding)
(audience cheering and applauding)
- Gentleman, exploded nut syndrome
is a condition indicated by the presence of
exploded nuts, which yours are.
By the way, I saw your show last night.
(mouth click) Amazing.
- [Loudspeaker] Dr. Crabus,
you have a visitor in the main lobby.
(defibrillator whirring) (heart monitor beeping)
- Mr. Lewis, thank you for coming in
with your associates.
I know this is hard to hear,
but we need to make some serious decisions
about your mother's health.
Let's be honest.
She is getting on in years.
- Oh, snap.
Okay. I see how it is.
I see how it is.
Well, your mama, so old her last name is Osaurus.
(associates laughing and cheering)
- No, Mr. Lewis. It wasn't an insult.
I was just saying that your mother's condition
is deteriorating because she's getting older.
- Oh, see, that's cold though. That's a cold one.
Okay, okay. I see how it is.
Hey yo. Yo mama so old
in her history class
they just wrote down what they was doing.
(associates laughing and cheering)
- Mr. Lewis, this isn't an insult contest.
Not only is your mother elderly,
but also her ability to walk
is currently being affected by her weight.
- [Associates] Oh.
- See okay, it just got real.
- No, I'm not insulting her.
I'm trying to tell you-
- Yo mama is so fat
when she go to the movie theater
bitch sittin' next to everyone.
(associates laughing and cheering)
Excuse me, excuse me.
- Listen to me, okay.
Your mother needs to manage her weight
or there can be some real problems.
- Oh. Kay, aight, aight, yeah.
Yo mama is so fat
she need a latitude and longitude number
to find her own asshole.
(associates laughing and cheering)
- [Man] Look at his face! Look at his face!
- Give it to him, gimme some. (hand slapping)
- That's coordinates son, coordinates.
Now who's the doctor?
- I am the doctor.
Mr. Lewis. I am and it is my job
to make sure that your mother
is getting the care that she needs.
We are talking about the woman
who took care of you your whole life.
The least you can do is take care of her
in her old age and take this seriously.
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry
that I lost my temper.
- No, really Doctor, I guess
I was just joking around because
I know her condition is really serious
and I don't know.
I guess humor is the only way I can really deal with it.
(sighs) I just know that she says so many times
she doesn't want anything invasive done.
- Really?
I was not aware of that.
That's interesting because
she did not mention that to me in our previous conversation.
Course, it was difficult to hear her
with my dick in her mouth.
Snap, Mr. Lewis. Oh, snap.
Now let's talk about the procedure.
(funky outro music)
♪ All I want, yeah ♪
♪ But I don't need you ♪