I recently
happened to come across a series of poems that was written by a 15 year old girl who also happens to be the daughter of
a narcissist and while they might seem a little angsty and very amateur, these poems offer some insight.
This person's experiences,her emotions,the stuff she goes through,the stuff
she talks about as she navigates the waters of being the daughter of a toxic mother - it's pretty significant.
I want to share them with you today in an effort to kind of show you without question
exactly what goes on inside the head of the daughter of a
narcissistic mother and if I'm being really honest
I really want to be able to finally give this girl a voice,
one that she should have always had, but one that was denied her for so many years.
So today at QueenBeeing.com, we're gonna dig inside the head of the daughter of a
narcissistic mother and really touch on what it is that makes us who we are when this happens to us in our lives.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by it
Athena Moberg and CPTSDfoundation.org)
I'm Angie Atkinson and this is toxic relationship rehabn, where I help you discover,understand and overcome
nrcissistic abuse and toxic relationships so that you can take your life from surviving to thriving and to an entire new level of evolution.
So if that sounds good to you, hit that subscribe button and let's just get going.
Maybe you're gonna relate to today's video because you are the child of a narcissist or maybe you'll relate because your child is
the child of a narcissist,maybe you want to know how to make your kids feel better or how to protect them from their
narcissistic parent,maybe you just want a little insight into the mind of a daughter growing up with a narcissistic mother,
whatever it is that you're looking for stick with me because I think you'll be pretty surprised at the types of insights
we can gain from these poems today. Don't worry, they're not long. Let's just take a look at them, shall we?
The first one is called Family. Tears fall from my eyes. I care not to claim my family ties.
They hold me down,
they let me out a bit, but then pulled me back again only to find things worse. The others - they've got it so good,
but they don't know it, they don't live with me. I wonder why they try to make it seem so bad, why do they try?
This poem seems to point to the pretty obvious toxic family dynamic this person has going on in her life.
She feels oppressed,she feels invisible on her own family,
she feels jealous of her friends who have normal families,
parents who actually seem to care about them in ways that her own parents don't. The next poem is called Enemy.
The world is your enemy my child. Believe not what they tell you. When they tell you that they love you, they lie.
The world is your enemy my child. They care not about you.
They only want what you have to give. The world my child, is your enemy.
This poem seems to point to the perspective of the world that this
15 year old child has developed up to this point in her life.
She clearly doesn't trust her primary caregiver and this leads her to doubt everyone in the world and most especially
herself. She feels unsafe in the world, because if we're being honest up to now everyone in her life has left her feeling lost,
abandoned,alone and to be honest not good enough.
She feels like she needs to be completely self-reliant and yet she doesn't feel that she can count on herself.
Just a glimpse into the future, this kid, ironically less than 10 years later would find herself married to a narcissist as well.
That's more common than you think. The next poem is untitled.
Trust no one. You have no one to trust. The world is a liar, it won't stay faithful.
Lies only hurt more than truth. Actions speak, where to turn? I am lost.
I have no one to confide in. I shall soon be a flat little pile of emotion with no purpose to life
except to be sick and in pain. I am dying. I'm going now to speed up the process.
Yes angst, for sure and clearly the dark sentiment of this child continued in this poem which she wrote
immediately after a betrayal by her toxic mother. She clearly feels alone and she seems to be in
gut-wrenching emotional pain here. She feels completely destroyed and feels like she's living in Hell at the hands of a completely
unepathetic mother from whom she can not escape.
The next poem is called Love?Love, confidence slain by harsh words - I cry.
I know not what to do. She hurts me, but then expects love and respect.
She only receives deep resent and hatred and death wishes.
Death should be granted to the lonely,the miserable and the mothers. Hell is for me.
What this girl is touching on here is the toxic parenting she has been exposed to up to this point.
She talks about how she's been
humiliated and
emotionally devastated by her toxic mother's behavior in public,the way she chooses to discipline her.
She feels oppressed and also silenced and she's reliving the trauma of having been called out in a public way by the narcissist.
She
painfully remembers the way everyone's face looked as they stared at her while her mother dressed her down in front of them - the looks of
pity,the looks of disgust. She silently begs for peace as
she clearly begins to recognize that the type of love she was getting from her narcissistic mother wasn't love at all.
That isn't real love, it's toxic
and here she is at 15 years old starting to recognize that and yet she also feels like she can't get away from it.
She can't escape it unless she ends her own life. It's very sad. The next poem is called Alone.
Leave, I beg you silently, leave me alone. I do not want your love or affection. I want you to leave me alone.
Your kind of love is not the kind of love I need.
Humiliation is not a good teacher. The names,the faces,the feelings garbled up with you to me spell suicide.
Please, I beg of you, leave me alone. In this poem she's talking about the way that she feels
after having been emotionally abused for so long by her mother and she is making it really clear
exactly what that feels like to her and clearly she once again sort of elludes to the fact that she
feels like suicide is the only out for her, it's very unhealthy.
The final poem we're gonna touch on today is called It is Depression. It is depression when it hurts to smile.
She makes me cry with just a look. She hates me. Why does she keep me around if she hates me?
It is depression when you know that your own mother hates you.
I carry this weight that I do not need. It is depression when you have no willpower.
It is depression when you are me. I am depression. In this poem, clearlythe author's expressing her pain.
She's talking about what emotional hell she's living in at that moment.
This is a deep situational depression where she's not functioning on any sort of healthy level at all.
This is a direct result of the abuse that she's been experiencing at the hands of her narcissistic mother.
In the poem, she's describing exactly how her mother makes her feel,how her mother can just look at her and make her cry and
she makes it clear that she feels like her own mother hates her.
She feels the psychological weight of this oppression and she's angry at herself for not being able to stand up for herself.
Does any of this ring true for you? Have you experienced these types of emotions in your life?
If so, you might be dealing with a toxic mother. So you're probably wondering who was the mysterious author of these poems.
Well, if you've stuck with me this long, you've known me very long. You might have guessed that it was me.
I found the poems while I was digging through a bunch of my old writing stuff a few months ago
and I saved them because I wanted to share them with you.
I did this for a couple of reasons.
Number one, reading them back made me remember exactly how it felt to be the kid who wrote those poems.
It offered me some insight and number two,
they sort of validated me, because if I ever doubted my experiences reading these poems helped me
really see and reconnect to those experiences for myself. It's really easy for us to develop abuse amnesia,
even when you do what I do for a living. It's easy to forget how
difficult it was to go through the pain that we went through and it's super easy for us to wonder,
was it really all that bad?
The silver lining in all of this is kind of gave me some insight that I'm really grateful for and that is that I've
managed to give my kids something that I always intended to give them which was the support and the encouragement
ythat they needed to be able to see themselves as real people,to
understand that they are whole they're legitimate and they are worth being heard.
I've helped them gain the knowledge that their thoughts their feelings their beliefs are valid and worth having and worth discussing.
The understanding that they are loved unconditionally and that they deserve to be happy and healthy and whole and safe every day of their lives and
that there is power in their own voices. So in producing this video and sharing this information with you,
I gave my inner child a voice, but I also shared with you maybe a glimpse of something that resonates fpr you.
If you're here because you want to prevent your own kids from experiencing this pain or you're here because you want to
reparent your own inner child,
then this is the bottom line on what you need to know and the value that you can take from this video today.
Your inner child or your actual child should each be able to embrace certain understandings about
him or herself and these include the following. Number one, you are a real person who is whole,
legitimate and worth being heard. Number two your thoughts,your feelings, your beliefs,your ideas,
they are valid and worth discussing.
Number three, you are loved unconditionally and you deserve to be safe,
happy,healthy and whole in your life. A side note on this one; being loved unconditionally
as an adult is something that you can do for yourself, but you can't really expect from anyone else.
So if you are the parent of the child that you're trying to help here,
love that child unconditionally.
If you are the person trying to repair it his or her inner child, start by loving yourself
unconditionally and finally number four, your voice has power.
Your voice has power and you should use your voice to express yourself with love in the most effective way that you can.
Don't stuff your emotions down,deal with them,express them to people who will listen and people who deserve to hear them.
I'm going to share a playlist with you right here on
mothers who are toxic,mothers who are narcissistic that will help you both identify and overcome these types of relationships in your life
so that you can
grow and change and evolve in ways that you choose to and not in ways that were pre-programmed by a toxic person in your life.
This brings me to the question of the day
and the question of the day is was your mother toxic? Is your mother toxic?
Do you know a toxic mother? Share your thoughts,share ideas,share your experiences in the comments section below and let's talk about it.
I just want to tell you there's a free quiz over at QueenBeeing.com.
I'll put the link in the description below for those of you who aren't sure if you're dealing with the toxic mother,
so go ahead and hit that link in the description if you want to and take that quiz.
It's free, all you have to do is take it and it'll direct you to resources that might help you as well.
Thanks to all of my channel members, those people in my inner circle who support me through the YouTube channel membership program,
it really does mean a lot to me, because you're helping me to continue to help other people every single day.
Thank you, it means the world to me,
I hope you know you're supporting me in my mission in life and it just means the world to me.
Thank you, sincerely. As always, thank you so much for being a part of my day a part of my life
and hey, thanks for letting me be a part of yours, it really does mean a lot to me. I'll see you soon.