- Thank you. (audience applauding)
Thank you.
It sounds like they're excited to see me
and I felt good about it.
And then I saw that guy in the suit going.
(Kelly laughing) - No, we're.
- So they're just- - We are excited
you made it here.
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I always forget protocol so I'm always like uh, oh, er.
- Yeah, I don't know if we're supposed to touch.
I don't know if we're still. - I don't know either
so let's not touch so we're safe.
Well, your entire "America's Got Talent" crew,
they were here.
- Yeah, I was, I was here. - And you weren't.
- I was on my way.
I went to New York.
(Kelly laughing) - Simon was.
- I didn't get directions.
They said, "Okay, Tuesday."
And there I am.
I landed in New York and I missed.
- We did open our show in New York.
I can see the confusion kind of.
- Yeah, but. (Kelly laughing)
Apparently my, I live confused, but I'm here.
I made it. - No I love it.
And I'm back.
- I love it, now we can talk total crap about Simon.
He's not here. (Kelly laughing)
- Oh my God.
Yeah, but Simon's had a rough year,
you know that? - I know.
- I mean, this season is great
and I think the best talent ever.
And I'm so glad that he's back.
And semi healthy, you know that he fell off of.
- Fell again.
- Well, that's what I was gonna say.
He broke his back last season.
Then in London.
- I'm like
just stop working out. - I got a call.
Working out? - Or whatever he's doing.
He's he's not on an exercise bike.
You think he's on a Peloton?
He's falling off a? - No but isn't he?
No, he's on like a bike outside.
That's like working out, right?
- No, that's going places.
That's going places.
- That's walking.
- No, no.
He was going and I said, "Wear protection."
And then he ended up.
- Wear protection? (Kelly laughing)
- Right and he cracked his skull.
Not a condom.
- No, I know, but I hope you yelled it.
I hope you yelled it.
Like on the street.
"Wear protection." (Kelly laughing)
- It's always important. - No did you tell him
to wear a helmet?
You told to wear a helmet?
- No, I said, "Wear protection."
You just took it that way. (Kelly laughing)
Yes, but that's okay.
You can fall off a bike and not impregnate somebody.
'Cause you don't know who you're gonna fall onto.
- You don't know.
It's a slippery slope
- Just happens.
- Does it really? - No.
So wait, so you've bought Simon this, which is amazing.
- Oh, where are we looking?
- Which by the way, wait, I would totally ride that.
That looks fun. - Me too.
I bought one for myself too.
I get it.
- I would do, yeah.
I would do it.
You know what?
You, I don't know if you should do it, but I can do it.
'Cause you're like single now, right?
- Yeah.
- So I think. - Wait,
are single people not allowed to ride bikes?
- No, but just a single person
on a tricycle is not as attractive.
- What? (Kelly laughing)
What? - No, I'm not.
I'm not taking any. - What does that mean?
Maybe more for men.
Like if I was a single guy and I wanted to date
or I wanted to meet somebody, there's no way I'd be sitting
on a tricycle going, "Look at me, look at."
You know, it just doesn't. - No, but here's the thing.
See, well, one I'm not trying to pick
up anybody. - But I would always
be wearing protection. - But.
(Kelly applauding and laughing)
Well, one I'm not trying to pick up anybody,
but if I were I would want a man that would look
at me on that and go, "She seems fun."
- Really?
- Because I'm on a tricycle
and I've probably got - - I dunno if fun is the word.
- I am fun.
- No, I you're fun.
I wasn't talking about you.
I'm saying, seeing a lovely lady on a tricycle.
- Really?
Have you ever heard?
I live here in California
and I go down to Venice Beach and bike.
I have never heard, and I have a lot of single friends.
I have never heard,
"Oh, you should a seen this lady on a tricycle yesterday."
- You've never seen. - Oh, my, she had a basket.
- You've never seen me on a tricycle.
- Whoa, and she didn't even know I hopped on back.
She had no idea I was there, huh?
(Kelly laughing) - Oh my God.
- You can. (Howie laughing)
It's just not a good look
for kneeling. - I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna make a video and I'm gonna send it to you.
- Please do.
'Cause I'm gonna look good. (audience applauding)
- I'll tell you, it'll go viral on TikTok.
- Just say.
- Kelly on a trike.
- And then I'm gonna send it to Simon
and go "Look, this is how you do it."
- Yes, this is how.
He's got it.
But I mean, you gotta give him props, you know
to get, when you fall off a bike to get right back on.
And fall off again.
To fall off a bike the second time.
They say if you fall down you should try
to fall down again. (Kelly laughing)
So you're not afraid of falling down.
- He's he is jinxed with the bike.
I was like, maybe try another,
maybe try a scooter, you know.
A skateboard, - That's another thing.
That's that's like one up.
In the motorized vehicle industry,
the scooter is the tricycle.
- No like a little Vespa.
Like a little Vespa scooter.
- Why do you say it like that?
I don't know, a Vespa.
I feel like I'm - - Vespa?
- In a Tuscan, under the Tuscan sun, you know?
And I'm dying. - You shouldn't,
it all goes together, Vespa, it's not Ve-spa.
Ve-spa. I know, but in my world.
- You're making much more
out of the second syllable than I think.
- I think what we've discovered is we would never date
in any realm. (Kelly laughing)
You don't want me on a tricycle.
You don't like how
I say Vespa. - No, I want you
with me all the time.
I don't want you riding off into the sunset
on a tricycle. - On a tricycle?
- No I like. - Or a Vespa?
I like you.
I'm not, was I, are you taking it seriously?
- Oh my God, no, I would hug you,
but you don't like to hug. No, I don't wanna
be hugged, but that's but that's the way.
(audience laughing) - Oh my God.
I'm totally kidding.
I'm totally kidding, wait.
- Kidding about what? - What can you?
- You don't wanna hug me?
(Kelly laughing) You wanna hug me?
We could spoon.
- No, I only. - 'Cause that way
I'm not facing you.
- I only spoon for so long.
- Come on, gimme a hug, gimme a hug.
- Let's talk about it.
Let's talk about it. (audience cheering)
Let's talk about
I love how I kind of just press my boobs against you.
- Don't worry about it.
I'm wearing protection. (audience laughing)
- Oh my God, oh my God, you're gonna stay here.
- That's great.
(audience applauding) - Okay, so yeah,
there's no segue.
So what can you tell us about the new season of "AGT"?
(Howie laughing)
- It is by far the most there's so much talent.
We have a tricycle rider who is able to, no.
- Is she single?
- No, it's just amazing.
I love doing "AGT".
It changes your life.
It changes the people's lives that are on the show.
- It feels good.
You feel good about what you're part of.
- Like 'cause you do "The Voice".
- Yeah.
- Do you find that people come up to you in public
and audition for you?
- People always say, this is the thing they do.
They go, "Oh my gosh.
"I think I'm gonna try out for 'The Voice'."
And I go, "Oh my God, don't tell me."
Like, you know, 'cause we're like.
- Oh no, people are always singing to me
and dancing for me in the mall.
I would imagine you. - I'm not allowed
to know though.
- No, I bet you don't even know what's going on.
You're probably in a restaurant
and they're doing it behind your chair
and they're waiting for you to turn around.
- Now, people always do that. - See, what I did there?
The voice. - I literally have been
in like Lowe's.
No people, turn around. (Kelly laughing)
No, I've literally been. (Kelly laughing)
I almost pressed my chest against you again.
- Is my back drawing your breasts?
- It draws (Kelly laughing)
but it's like the gravitational pull of your sexy back.
No, okay, no, so that's happened to me.
- I'm bringing sexy back.
- That's you bringing sex, I almost did it.
But I didn't.
- No, I heard you do it.
I was repeating it cause you didn't finish it.
- Okay, okay.
So wait, I've been in Lowe's and people.
They, yeah, they randomly sing around.
- I like how you do the integration.
Aren't you a, are you a spokesperson for Lowe's?
- No, I just love it.
- No, but now you are a spokesperson.
- No, I'm not.
- No, now you are - Now I am.
- Yes. (Howie laughing) - Now I am.
No, I'm not.
I actually, just actually love, it's like my family's
like it's like our whole family's like favorite store.
- You know I used to be the spokesperson
for American Standard.
- Yeah? - The toilet people.
And I- - I Was like who's American?
For the toilet. - For the toilet people.
They had a self cleaning toilet.
- Okay. - And I had to do meet
and greets at Lowe's where people would come and meet me.
And I would sign toilet seats. (audience laughing)
- Love that, you're just signing toilets.
It's amazing.
- No, but I that's where I
so I know Lowe's from the toilets.
They. - Oh, you should try out
like the, they, everything there.
Like the nursery.
I always go,
like I love the nursery. - Nursery?
- Yeah and I love - Do I look like I'm
into gardening. - You cook anything.
You should be it's so fun.
- Really? - Yeah.
Or like planting something and then you grow it
and then you cook it.
It's like really nice.
Just saying
- Doesn't, sounds like a lot of time, a lot.
- Okay, well you know what?
I'm gonna go to Lowe's
on my freaking tricycle and I'm gonna load it up.
I'm gonna ride home by my single self.
- No, no, no.
But, but I feel like I am.
Did I offend her?
- I'm messing with you.
- Okay, no, you're a beautiful catch.
You can be on a tricycle.
You can be on a bicycle built for the -
- Oh my God.
I'm totally messing with you.
- Okay, it is, I want.
- Yes, I'm just gonna keep calling it back just
to make you uncomfortable. (Kelly laughing)
- What should a good host do? (Kelly laughing)
If I'm comfortable then it's - Then it's no fun.
- It's not fun.
But you are always fun.
And you're always amazing.
You are.
- I know that you like me and I like you.
I was totally messing with you.
- I really do like you.
It's so weird. (Kelly laughing)
- He won't let me touch him.
- No, well here, press up, press up
(audience applauding and cheering)
- Spoon. - Wow, it's good.
- Here's the thing about spooning.
- Why, got together, a little tit for tat.
No pun intended. - It's your back.
No, wait, here's the thing.
With spooning, this is a real talk.
- Real talk.
- I don't, I only like spooning a little bit
because then you're sweaty.
It gets hot, see.
- Well you shouldn't do it right off the bike.
You should do when you're feeling fresh.
No, would I? - No, but see, don't you?
- If somebody's gonna spoon me, I powder my back.
- Like I just mean like cuddling in general.
It's like, oh,
it's sweet for a minute. - I don't like cuddling.
- And then it's like oo. - No get away.
Get away. - It's hot.
- I don't like spooning, but I was just saying
in lieu of shaking hands I spoon strangers.
- Innovative. - Nice to meet you.
- It's nice and innovative.
- It's nice to meet you.
- So wait, you recently celebrated 42 years of marriage
which congratulations to your wife for making it.
- I mean, she's gone through such.
- No, you're so awesome.
So she must have so much fun.
So did y'all do anything special?
- Oh, there she is.
- I know.
- Did we do something special?
No. - Look at y'all.
- Yeah, that's at the beginning and that's that.
She just wanted to hang
out until they came up with this filter.
I said two more years.
We'll have the filter.
I think I've said this before
but you know, I said, "You know, it's been 42 years.
"You wanna redo our vows?"
And her vow was, "Enough already."
(audience laughing)
So no, we don't do anything.
We didn't, but I don't like going out.
I don't like, I'm a homebody.
- I'm a homebody. - I'm a recluse.
I'm neurotic.
- I'm not that one.
But I think though that we give a lot in our jobs, right.
So it's nice to just be home. - That's what it is.
- That's right.
That's not really. - That's not you.
- No - I think you give a lot.
You're always like giving
and it's like nice just to be in your little cocoon.
- I think just being married to me is the gift.
(audience laughing)
- You're a lot of laughter.
- That's it.
- So I say, "Honey, look what I got you."
She said, "What?"
- Ta da.
- Ta da, press it out.
(audience laughing)
- And commence spooning.