Whenever there's breaking news, most of us react on social media, especially when tragedy
occurs.
We come together to share our personal experiences, mourn the loss of life, and sometimes express
outrage.
In the case of mass shootings, our conversations quickly turn to the cause of these attacks
and how to stop them from happening again.
Some share links about gun control while others talk about our 2nd amendment rights.
We like what resonates with us and argue with those who disagree with us.
When we see hateful comments, we delete the offending person from our feed.
This happens so often that psychologists have a name for it – the nasty effect.
Regardless of what a post says, ugly online comments only strengthen what you already
believe.
Delete enough haters from your feed and it gets full of people who agree with you.
This is dangerous because it leads to polarization.
When you only interact with people who share your perspective, your beliefs become more
extreme.
You start to believe everyone agrees with you and if they don't, there's something wrong
with them.
Companies like Google, Facebook, and Twitter have made a fortune through polarization - they
figure out your interests and give you more stuff that fits your beliefs.
All of this keeps us from moving forward on the important issues impacting our world.
But what is it about the internet that makes us communicate in such an extreme, nasty way?
The popular theory is the Internet makes us feel anonymous.
No one knows who we are and that frees us up to say whatever we want without worrying
about the consequences.
But if you think about it, that doesn’t make much sense.
No one is anonymous on Facebook — you have to use your real name and most Facebook users
are connected to people they know in real life.
Facebook is one of the most public places you can be on the internet.
If anonymity caused the nasty effect, then Facebook would be free of ugly comments...and
we all know that's not the case.
Let's go to a place where you DO have anonymity.
New York City’s Times Square.
300,000 people come here every day.
I don't know the name of anyone here - they're all anonymous.
But I don’t see anything like the internet’s nasty effect.
There're lots of people trying to sell me on their cause and protesting controversial
issues, but it’s done with civility, for the most part.
What’s the difference between Times Square and social media?
Eye contact.
Our brains are wired for face to face contact.
When we look at someone, and they look back at us, it triggers empathy.
It’s much harder to say hateful things when you’re looking someone in the eye.
Eye contact calms our aggressive urges and humanizes the other person.
Eye contact is the foundation of how we’ve interacted with each other for thousands of
years, but it’s completely absent from the way social media works.
Our brain is better at dealing with opposing ideas when they happen in person.
We are more likely to change our minds when we are having a conversation face to face.
If you want to change society, you can't silence the people who disagree with you.
Everyone thinks they're right.
No one likes to compromise.
We have to be able to face each other and hear each other in order to understand each
other.
That's when change becomes possible.
Social media is important.
It can organize people and bring awareness to the issues we care about.
It's only a matter of time before we develop a technology that allows us to communicate
as naturally as we do face to face.
Until then, we need to have these conversations, no matter how hard they are, in person.
How do you deal with opinions that differ from your own, both online and offline?
Has anyone ever changed your opinion or have you ever changed someone else's?
Let me know in the comments below.
I’m at AliMattu on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat.
Ali@ThePsychShow.com is my email.
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