♪ ♪
(cheers and applause)
(sleigh bells jingling)
Welcome to CP Time,
the only show that's for the culture.
Today, we discuss black people
and the joyful festive holiday of Christmas.
So let's start with slavery.
"Cause remember, black people weren't
celebrating Christmas before that.
None of us were on the boat ride over here going,
"fa-la-la-la-la, deck the halls."
But once they were in America, many slaves began
to see Christmas for the blessing that it was:
a chance to escape
while the owners were away for the holidays.
The great abolitionist Harriet Tubman
even used Christmas to free her three brothers,
which may sound good to you,
but if I let my sister free me around Christmas,
I'd never hear the end of it.
Every year, she'd be, like,
"Oh, thank you so much for the slippers.
"This is almost as good as the gift
I got you last year, not shackles."
Then I'd be like, "Shut up, Bernice.
You'll ruin the holidays."
Of course, music is an important part of Christmas,
and black people have been covering
and improving the classics for years.
Like "Let It Snow" by Boyz II Men.
Or "Do You Hear What I Hear?" by me.
Here's a sample.
♪ Do you hear what I hear? ♪
♪ Sounds like oppression. ♪
But some holiday music is tainted
with a history of racism,
like the classic, "Jingle Bells,
which at first just seems like
an innocent song about reckless driving,
but back in 1857, its first public performance
was part of a minstrel show sung by
a bunch of white dudes in blackface.
It's a terrible legacy,
and that's why every time I see a one-horse open sleigh,
I key that shit for justice.
But it is also important to recall
the true reason we celebrate Christmas:
Santa.
The breakthrough for black Santas was in 1943
when one of Harlem's biggest department stores
hired the country's first black Santa Claus,
which surely was a distraction
for customers who didn't know what was going on.
I'm sure they was all like, "Who's that nigga
in the red jacket talking to my child?"
After that, black Santas took a 70-year "L"
until two years ago
when Larry Jefferson became the first black Santa
at the white-ass Mall of America,
a victory for our people.
Mostly because Larry used his employee discount
to get all the black people he knew 20% off.
A hero, indeed.
But Kris Kringle would be nothing
without the gifts he brings-- the toys.
Without the toys, Santa's just a fat bastard
that broke in your house.
And for decades, manufacturers didn't even consider
making toys for black children.
And when they finally did,
some of them would just paint white dolls black.
Like this Willie Talk doll.
Look at that. Looks like Willie got thrown into a bonfire.
But the great thing about kids
is they'll like whatever you give them
because children are not very intelligent.
Like, my favorite toy when I was a youngster
was Mr. Chompy Chomp.
Oh, I played with Mr. Chompy Chomp for hours.
I'd make him wobble. I'd make him talk to me
and lose all his teeth.
Took me 45 years to realize this:
Mr. Chompy Chomp was a stapler.
My good friend Cornel West told me that.
(laughter)
That's all the time we have for today.
I'm Roy Wood Jr. This has been "CP Time."
And remember, we're for the culture.
Make sure you put my website up at the end
so people can order my compact disk and cassette.
♪ ♪