Church: Are you okay, Tucker?
Tucker: Yeah, I'm fine.
Come on, Caboose!
Caboose: Does it hurt?
Tucker: No, not at all!
Caboose: Okay!
Here I come!
Church: Does it hurt for real?
Tucker: Oh, yeah. Big time.
Caboose: Owwwchie!
You lied to me.
Sarge: Ah, dammit. Lopez, c'mere.
Do you see something out there?
Simmons: There's no L in it, it's pronounced both.
Grif: That's what I'm saying.
Bolth.
Simmons: Both.
Grif: You sound like such an ass the way you say it.
Sarge: Grif.
Quit your yammering and get your keister up here.
Need some help.
Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base.
Grif: As in more than one?
Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir.
Simmons: BOTH.
Grif: Seriously, man, like an ass.
Sarge: Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the think tank.
Why don't you both come up?
Leave the prisoner alone.
We could just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself.
Grif: Good point, sir.
Sarge: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT IS!
Now get your ass up here!
We got just enough time for me to spray-paint the bull's-eye on your back.
Ah, by bull's-eye, I of course mean camouflage.
Now move it, cupcake.
Grif: Yeah. [sighs] I'll be right up.
Church: Hey, Tucker. Come in, man. You there?
This is Church. It's working.
The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base.
Tucker: Roger that.
Caboose: Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker, Tucker! Is that-
is that Church? Church: Okay.
Caboose: Tell him, that I- that I said- for me to say hi..? Church: Now just keep moving around outside of the base and draw their attention.
Tucker: Whoa, wait, wait, hey. What?
I missed that, Caboose was talking to me.
Shut up, man, I'm on the radio.
Church: I said, just keep mov-
Tucker: I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church.
No, I'll tell him you said "hi" later.
No, you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?
Church: Oh, my God.
I can't believe I actually died for this war.
Grif: I don't see any-
Uh oh.
Yep, there's one.
Why is he just standing there?
Tucker: Caboose! Get behind the rock.
They can still see you.
Caboose: They can't see me.
I can't see them!
Tucker: That's because you're facing the rock.
Caboose: Oh. [whispers] Right.
Tucker: Real smooth, dipshit.
Sarge: They're definitely Special Ops.
I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidew-
WEKEGEHRRGRK!
Grif: Sir, are you okay?
Church (as Sarge): Uh, who you talking to, Red? Me?
Grif: No. I'm talking to Lopez.
Because, you know, that's real rewarding.
Hey, what'd I tell you about that?
Church: Oh, uh I-I'm fine, that's...
I'm just so mad about these, uh, goddamn Blues out here.
They got me so goddamn mad, I could spit.
[spits]
Grif: Um, sir?
Did you just spit inside your own helmet?
Church: Uh, yeah. I guess I did.
Grif: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Church: Go ahead.
Grif: That's really fucking gross.
Caboose: Hey, Tucker?
Tucker: What?
Caboose: I'm having a really good time.
With... you.
Tucker: That's great, Caboose.
Caboose: Yeah.
It's like we're real soldiers.
Tucker: Would you please go hide behind another rock?
Church: Hey, man.
What's up, yo?
Simmons: Uh... hey.
What's going on out there, sir?
Church: What's, uh.. why, nothin'.
Why would you ask if somethin's wrong?
Simmons: I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war.
Church: Yeah, well,
I don't know.
You're starting to act kinda suspicious there...
other Red guy.
So... keep my eye on you.
Simmons: Sarge, I'm starting to think that-
Ow, geez, the back of my head!
Tex: What the hell are you doing!?
Church: Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you.
Tex: You're kind of short to be Church.
Church: What?
Oh yeah, right. The armor.
HRRKK!
Sarge: What in Sam Hill?
Where the- Who spit on my visor?
Church: Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just going to give you the summary here, okay?
I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world.
I possessed this Red guy so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you,
while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon,
dressed in black armor that they got from going through the teleporter.
Tex: Okay.
Church: What?
That's it?
"Okay?"
You're not surprised by any of this?
Tex: No. It pretty much all makes sense.
Church: Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for you?
Tex: I can see right through you. It's pretty obvious.
Church: Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we'll get outta here.
Sarge: HRRKK!
Tucker: What are you doing?
Caboose: One of the Reds has Tex.
I'm going to shoot him...
and kill him...
and free Tex.
Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends.
Tucker: Oh, come on. You don't actually believe any of that, do you?
Caboose: Oh, we're gonna be best friends.
Church: Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter and escape.
Ready?
One...
Two...
[gunshot] Thre-
What the?
Where did my body go!?
Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!
Caboose: Tucker did it!
Simmons: Hello, everyone.
Now that we have our own YouTube channel,
I've taken the liberty of reorganizing everything for a streamlined viewing experience.
Just hit "Subscribe" to put it to use.
Grif: You're supposed to convince them to subscribe, not put them to sleep!
You loser!
Simmons: [sigh] I hate him so much.