Transcriber: Yusuf Soylu Reviewer: Elena Govorkova
I want you all to pause,
to close your eyes,
and to take a moment to imagine
that you are watching your life so far as a movie.
Start all the way back from your childhood
through to growing up
and think about all the different life events that you have faced.
Think about some of the ups and some of the downs,
your achievements so far
and any difficulties that you may have come across.
Just take a moment to picture it all.
Now, open your eyes and consider this,
what if I told you
that right now is where that movie stops?
Your life story ends here.
That’s it.
How do you feel?
Are you content with everything?
Did you do all the things that you wanted to do?
Do you have any regrets?
And most importantly, can you truly say to yourself
that you have lived a fulfilled life?
My name is Dr Sayyada Mawji. I’m a family physician.
And during my training,
I spent a lot of time within palliative medicine
looking after patients
who were nearing the end of their lives,
some who had months to live, some weeks and some only a few days.
What was remarkable was that for many of my patients
the realization of their own mortality had given them time to reflect
and brought into sharp focus the things that really mattered.
In their company, I had the most powerful, insightful and instructive discussions,
reflections that really changed my life.
And today I’d like to share these conversations with you.
What was equally remarkable
was that there were three key themes that kept recurring,
three commonalities that they all told me
led to a fulfilled life.
The first lesson I learned was from Max.
Now imagine in your mind's eye
the most successful person that you can think of.
That was Max, a 50-year-old architect. He had the most loving family.
He had lived in a fantastic house and he had made lots of money.
On the surface, he had everything you can imagine you’d want.
One evening, when his family had left,
I went into his room to write up his medication chart,
and I noticed that Max wasn’t quite himself,
so I asked him what had happened.
And he told me that he was just reflecting on a moment of regret.
So I sat down to listen to him, and he told me about a time in his life
which to most of us would seem a beautiful memory -
a day trip to the beach with his young son.
I was obviously confused as to why he would regret a memory like that.
And that’s when he told me that he could barely remember that day,
that the entire time his thoughts were elsewhere.
He said, “My mind was on my business,
my mind was on the next things that I had to do,
my mind was on the traffic coming home.
I would do anything to live that moment again,
to feel the sand under my toes,
to run amongst the waves and to smile and laugh with my young son.”
Driving home that night, something stirred in me
as I realized that I too had often missed beautiful moments,
lost in thoughts of the future,
past worries, or just constantly preoccupied with planning and preparation.
How many of us suffer the same fate?
How many of us, even at this moment, a multitasking?
You may be listening to this talk
but be thinking about the next coffee break,
what you’ll be doing when you get home this evening
or tasks that you have to finish.
How many of us are ever truly present?
The next morning, Max asked to speak to me after the ward round.
And his words still resonate with me. He said to me, “Dr Mawji,
for so many years I was focused on the wrong things.
I didn't recognize what I already had.
I was so busy creating the life that I wanted to live
that I forgot to actually live.”
That day, Max taught me the vital first lesson
to living a fulfilled life.
Be present in every moment.
Second lesson I learned was from Katie.
Katie had the energy and confidence of someone who knew
that there wasn’t much time left but still lots that she wanted to do.
She had built her life pursuing the things that she cared about,
achieving so much in such little time.
She was an accomplished painter, artist and author,
and she had one more wish to fulfill.
She wanted to get married before the cancer took her life.
Getting married to most of us would seem a daunting task.
But to Katie,
her response to this challenge was typical of her outlook.
And she said to me, “I’ve lived life to the fullest,
and I’ll continue doing this for as long as I can.”
So the next day, Katie left the ward
for an impromptu hen party lunch supported by her friends and family,
dressed up in pink ribbons and a bright “Bride to Be” sash.
Katie got married the next day
and she passed away the day after that.
Katie and I were of a similar age.
And despite all the difficulties and challenges that she faced,
from the rapidly spreading cancer,
her energy and positive outlook would brighten our days together.
We would sit, laugh and giggle.
We would discuss how fleeting life is and how nothing is guaranteed.
And she would always remind me,
“Follow your dreams now
because we never know what tomorrow holds.”
Though we lost her so soon,
Katie’s energy, spirit and outlook remained with us,
and she left this world achieving everything she had wanted to.
She had truly lived a fulfilled life.
The second lesson that I learned from Katie
on how to live a fulfilled life
was to pursue your passions before it’s too late.
The third and final lesson, and perhaps the most profound of all,
delivered in the most inspiring way by my patient, Sheila.
Always smiling, always cheerful, always happy.
Sheila told me that she had no regrets at all.
She told me that despite the pain that she was in, despite the weakness,
despite the weight loss,
she was content with her life.
So what was her secret?
Sheila told me that for her life was about giving more than taking,
about serving more than receiving.
Sheila had enjoyed every moment of her time,
but had made sure to channel it into something fruitful and beneficial.
She had used her time to pursue her passion for charity work,
for helping the unwell, the homeless, the elderly,
channelling her energy and vitality into the service of others.
Sheila told me that when she lost herself
in the service of others
was when she found something more important -
purpose and true happiness.
In fact, did you know that studies have shown
that helping others, putting their needs ahead of our own
activates a reward system of our brain,
releasing endorphins like dopamine and serotonin,
the happy hormones that actually make us feel content and fulfilled?
And that was Sheila, the most content and fulfilled patient
that I had the honor of looking after.
I will never forget the serenity
and the calm aura that Sheila had in her final moments.
And it almost felt like vindication for a life lived in honor
and selflessness.
The third and final lesson that I learned from Sheila
on how to live a fulfilled life was to live a life of service.
The strange thing about my time working in palliative care was
that Max, Katie and Sheila were not the only patients
who shared these insights.
Patients that I cared for kept advising me to enjoy every moment,
told me that their happiest times were spent helping others
and encouraged me to pursue my passions before it was too late.
My time at the hospice proved to be transformational
and it shaped so much of what I do now.
It changed everything -
the way that I interacted with people,
the way that I live my life and the direction that my life has taken.
Emboldened with the idea of living life on my terms,
I embarked upon a long held passion of mine to work in international relief.
Spending time working in refugee camps
in Iraq, in Syria, in Calais, in Lesbos,
in Bangladesh and in Greece.
And despite the difficulties and uncertainties that I faced,
we were able to set up medical clinics and training programs for refugees.
It allowed me to take up a role leading the relief efforts for the global charity,
who is Hussein working alongside Mother Teresa’s former cardiologist
to facilitate congenital heart surgery in impoverished children.
And it encouraged me to increase my outreach work
and to tackle taboos around health in marginalized communities.
And it made me say yes to my dreams, to pause my career
and to take a sabbatical to travel and to explore the world.
And it made me do the little things to get back in touch with friends,
to patch up relationships, to say yes to opportunities and to live in the now.
And in doing so, I feel more fulfilled than ever.
So why do I share this with you all now?
The last couple of years have been tough,
and if COVID has taught us anything,
it’s that the world can be an unpredictable and an uncertain place.
But what is certain is that we have right now.
Now is the time to enjoy the company of our friends.
Now is the time to hold our partner’s hand and to listen to their words.
Now is the time to ruffle our children’s hair
or to sit with our elderly relatives.
To most of us, these may seem like the smallest things,
but to those with limited time left,
to those in the know these are actually the most precious.
All of us here today are truly blessed.
What we do with the time that we have
and how we utilize it is up to us.
Remember that there really is simplicity to fulfillment,
and it comes down to three simple lessons.
So you’ve all seen the movie of your life so far.
But what happens next?
How does the plot develop?
Whatever the script is for the next chapter of your life,
try to be fully present in everything you do.
Ensure that the plot is a pursuit of your passion.
And make sure that your final scene looks back
on a life of purpose and service.