Hey! What's up, world?
Quick question before we get into this:
Who here remembers when Cracked was good?
It's been a long time, hasn't it?
♪
I'm Roger and I own far too many companies.
So i'd like to give back, but i'd like to get back in a way that still makes me money.
And what exactly is wrong with that?
Every economic transaction leaves both sides better off.
I've heard plenty of statists try to deny this, but this is the first time I've heard one of them say it's a
So I can buy stuff, because we all want stuff!
Yes, and who's gonna provide that stuff if there's not an economic incentive to make money doing so?
We all need stuff, and you can get any stuff you want at Roger's Item Cube,
my big box for buying stuff in. Don't worry, we have got most stuff!
Need a cup? We have more than one kind! Power tools? Sure! Toys, guns, cribs, we've got it all!
Because instead of carving out my own segment of the American consumer market,
I decided to say, screw it! Let's just be everything!
Hey, dipwads! It's called a General Store, and they go back to the 18th century!
This way, instead of running just one mom-and-pop shop out of business,
we can run them
Tell me something, morons: If this is the case,
how come whenever there's a new Walmart or something like that, it results in
Why do you even get things like tire shops when Walmart themselves sell tires?
According to you, they should be putting tire stores
We've got racks and racks of shame fabric designed to hide the disgusting human body and style.
I have no idea what kind of point that was supposed to be.
Other than to just insult the kind of people who go to these stores. Elitist much?
- But not
I have some really nice 100% silk ties that I got at Walmart,
that are just as good as the ones you spoiled rich brats get at The Gap
or wherever it is you brats get your overpriced goods that are mostly for the sake of showing off,
for a
What's the matter? Is it too easy for us poor people to look as good as you,
so you have to
- Here. This is merely fine, right? - Sure.
Yeeeeeah! Oh, and if you don't like it, don't worry; it's not built to last very long.
This has been debunked so long it's pathetic. Goods bought at stores like Walmart and Target
have been shown to be every bit as good as more expensive goods bought elsewhere, if not better.
You see, it was made by, well, I don't want to use the word slaves.
Good, cause it's wrong!
But employees is a bit of a stretch to-
No, they're employees!
Do you have any
disguised as an incredibly bad satire?
By the way, one of the typical excuses I
"Oh, it's just satire! Can't you take a joke?"
In the course of this satire, they are making claims, and those claims are
You do
Let's say it was just made by people getting paid a small amount of very little money to
make these garments quickly and, if necessary, poorly.
I'm not going into this yet again; I'll just point out how this is
a far better option for them than any others in their countries.
Thanks to these so-called "sweatshops," these people can afford a place to live,
three meals a day, and sometimes even cars.
That's why these jobs are
You'll dishonestly point out how they make 50¢ an hour or whatever
by bogusly converting their currency using exchange rates instead of actually looking at
all so you can make your pathetically wrong points to push your backward elitist agenda.
You look down on them from your rich millennial ivory towers
and sneer at them while pretending to be the friend of the poor people.
Give me a break!
I know what you're thinking.
You're worried about losing jobs.
But jobs are just one of the many stuffs that you can get it my item cube!
Oh, sure, we won't start you out on a living wage.
Walmart and Target employees start out at $11 an hour.
According to the UN, that is several times what is required to actually live.
Oh, but they can't afford their Acuras and their fiber internet access and their grossly overpriced iPhones,
and since
Or work our way up to a living wage.
The average Walmart employee makes over $53,000 a year,
which is over $26 an hour if they work full-time.
So
This doesn't sound like a very good job, actually.
Hey, yeah!
You know what? We should form—
NO UNIONS!
That's right. No unions, please.
I say please as a courtesy.
If you try to form a union, we'll probably shut down the entire store.
Funny how the workers themselves say they don't want unions.
I mean, really, there's nothing stopping the unions from asking the workers to join; they just don't
So they have to go and try to unionize the entire corporation to
Hey, remember a few years ago when there were all these unionization protests
outside Walmarts around the country, and it turned out that they weren't Walmart workers after all,
but union workers from competing stores that were unionized?
So, what is this
Super stores like ours show up in towns where all needs are met,
and then we run every local shop out of business with our competitive prices.
These princesses don't even understand how Walmart became so successful to begin with.
They did
They opened in rural areas where people had to drive to a completely different city for these kinds of goods!
That's how Sam Walton made his money!
And then, when we're the only game in town, we just leave.
Can you point to
No. You can't. Because it hasn't!
You know what really exposes these narcissistic divas for what they are?
The fact that they don't get into the
because they all have to do with
The subsidies they get. The times government stole land via eminent domain to give to them. Things like that.
Things that actually
But there's not one word about any of
If it becomes hard because of either unions or crime or, you know, whatever.
So, wait. You're saying that if costs rise too much, they can't stay in business?
Hey, someone let economists know! They
Idiots.
And even if it
But then, if these prima donnas knew anything at all about economics,
they wouldn't have made this idiotic video in the first place.