ou have always been a part of our family.
How about we make it official?
Yeah.
(DOOR SLAMS)
(SIGHS) Well, it's Cory to the rescue.
Old faithful.
Why don't you go home to your wife and leave me alone?
Sorry, Santa. I thought you were someone else.
It's cold out, son. Go home.
Wow, he really didn't follow me, huh?
Man, a guy gets married, and that's the end of me.
I'm here.
I knew you would be.
So, where we going?
I thought we'd go to the cemetery.
I thought we'd go for pie.
Cemetery.
Boysenberry.
Shawn, I don't like cemeteries.
Come on. There's a high concentration of dead people.
I haven't even visited my nana Boo Boo.
Your nana Boo Boo's not dead!
Oh, so now you're a doctor? Shawn! Come here.
Look, come back to my house.
Okay? My family offered to adopt you tonight.
Do you know how great that is?
You would actually be my brother.
You are my brother already.
So come back to my house.
There's life at my house. My family wants you there.
What's waiting for you at the cemetery?
My family.
Mine.
Hey! You havin' a good time in there with all your secrets?
Like the fact that you've been married 62 times
and never bothered to tell me who my real mother was!
What possible reason could a father have
not to tell his boy who his mom is?
CHET: Maybe the father was tryin' to protect the boy.
Hey, thanks for planting those flowers there.
You keep the place real nice and pretty
for all my many visitors.
Why didn't you tell me who my mom was?
Your mother's Virna.
No! The woman who gave birth to me.
Oh, her.
Ah, she took off.
When you were born, I said,
"Honey, it's a... Honey?"
(CHUCKLES) But don't blame her, son.
She wasn't really the mother type.
She was more...
How can I put this delicately?
A stripper.
My mom was a stripper?
The best.
Did you love her?
I did. I did love her.
Wasn't enough to hold her, though.
(SIGHS) Neither was I, I guess.
I wasn't enough to hold her.
I wasn't enough to hold Virna. No!
You were adorable.
(CHUCKLES)
You had that little butt that Virna loved to powder.
Women did not find my butt adorable, however.
They kicked it around pretty good during my life.
The truth is, you had a lousy mother.
And a lousy father.
You come from a long line of lousy, boy.
Yeah, I know.
(SIGHS)
You got dealt a bad hand, son.
I'm sorry about it.
You know, the Matthews offered to adopt me.
(LAUGHS) Whoa! I know.
That sounds like a sweet deal!
What are you talking about?
It doesn't get any better than the Matthews.
You'd be tradin' way up on that one.
Come on! You're my father.
I'm dead!
Look, take it from your dead dad.
Become a Matthews. Put it to bed.
I always thought you were the black sheep of the family.
I was. No, you weren't.
You stayed.
You raised me.
I came and went. I tried...
You did a good job with me, Dad.
People like me. I even have friends.
Even have someone who loves me.
Hold on to her. I will.
Just like I'm holding on to you.
Well,
why would you want to do that?
Because I'm proud of you!
You're the one who started to turn this family around.
You're proud of me?