- Okay, recording on video,
recording on audio.
Recording fixing hair.
Looking at sleeves to make sure they remain cuffed.
In case anybody here didn't know I was a gay woman.
I want them to know.
And this is how I will tell them.
Hey everybody, how's everybody doing today?
I hope that you're doing well.
If you see chunks in my hair today,
I promise it's not dandruff,
I promise it's not filth.
I burnt myself to a crisp last weekend.
Like absolutely fried my entire body, top to bottom,
under the English sun.
Who would've thought?
(laughing)
Not me, clearly.
The sun came out, I went to the beach,
way too cocky, way to confident in myself
and my identity as a person who doesn't burn
and I absolutely cooked myself.
My entire face is already peeled off.
And the scalp is happening now.
It's not lice, either.
I just was an idiot and didn't wear sunscreen.
Welcome to this video, welcome to my channel.
For any of you who don't know my face, hi,
my name is Alayna Joy and I make videos mostly
about the LGBTQ community here on this channel.
And today I wanted to try something different.
I have seen variations of this all over YouTube.
I know Adubs, Alex, she does a series
where she reveals audience secrets.
Rose and Rosy have a queer lesbian confessions series.
And I love those videos.
I love secrets.
Who doesn't love secrets?
Like other people's secrets, to clarify.
So I went over on Instagram.
If you don't already follow me over there,
definitely go check it out,
because that's where the magic happens.
I don't sing over there, or here, if you're new.
Don't be alarmed.
And I asked you all to submit your queerest, gayest,
juiciest, spiciest secrets
so that I could share them with the world anonymously.
And if you're watching this and you're like,
"Alayna, I have a secret I'd like to share."
I will link the Google form in the description
and you can offload onto me.
Give me--
Dear lord.
Oh no.
Will I be keeping that in the video?
I told you I was gay, right?
(laughing)
Before we get into the rest of the video
I wanna take a second to thank this week's sponsor,
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Now back to our juiciest secrets.
The first secret that was submitted goes as follows,
"I'm a gay woman married to a het man."
Oof, yeah.
Yeah.
"He knows but none of my family does.
"I still question whether or not I should stay.
"Late bloomer lesbian here."
What a question.
It sounds like you have a supportive husband in this man,
so that's a wonderful thing already,
that this is something that you can share with him.
I would understand why you would stay
if you have this beautiful relationship
and you're happy, then stay.
But if there's that part of you that knows
that you want to be with a woman,
are you limiting your potential for happiness?
That's so tough.
I feel you deeply.
I feel you.
This is not an advice series, this is just--
Let's find a juicy one.
(laughing)
"My first time having sex was a one night stand
"and she didn't cut her nails.
"My parents think I went shopping."
And she didn't cut her nails.
Frowny face.
Like that's where you know
something scratched.
Oh my God.
"I once masturbated for over two hours
"and came 10 times."
Is that a confession or a brag?
"Okay, oh gay if you will, LOL."
Oh, I will.
"So my senior year of college I had to take a law course
"and for one of the classes my professor decided
"to bring her wife in to teach part of the class.
"It was about police work and her wife was a police."
Was a police.
(laughing)
Officer?
Or was the wife all of the police?
Like the single wife, the single one person
was the entirety of the police.
I'm gonna go with that version.
"Me, being the baby gay that I am,
"stayed after class to ask a couple questions
"and gawk over how hot my professor and her wife were
"for a couple more minutes.
"Eventually I was the last student in the classroom
"and the topics of conversation got more gay.
"And then they asked me if I would like to come home
"with them to chat more of course, why else.
"I already knew what the two of them were suggesting
"and without thinking I said yes.
"I'll spare you the details."
Spare no details.
I'm not asking to be spared.
I volunteer.
I volunteer as tribute for the details.
"But my first time with a woman was with two women.
"One of which was a law professor
"and the other a police officer."
"Also, I love you and your content makes me
"so incredibly happy, it's hard to put into words.
"Thank you for everything you do."
Thank you for sharing with the class.
"I like to masturbate next to my significant other
"while she is asleep.
"I like it better than actually having sex with her."
Oh no.
(laughing)
No shame in hanging out with yourself, you know what I mean.
No shame at all.
Doing it next to your partner, without her knowing.
And saying that you prefer that
to actually having sex with her.
Question.
Do you specifically like--
Wait, why am I acting like I'm asking a question
that's gonna get an answer.
You're not gonna be able to answer me.
I'm curious.
Is it you like having sex with yourself more
than you like having sex with your significant other,
or is it specifically the situation
of her sleeping next to you that you enjoy.
I wanna know more.
This is really fun.
(laughing)
I see why so many creatives make these videos.
"My first time with a girl was in a church."
Isn't it always?
Church or Bible camp,
those are really the places to find the hidden gays.
"My teacher kissed me even before I became familiar with--"
The pride flag.
"It was weird slash different at the time
"but now as a bi woman I think it was so good.
"Please find me again Miss."
♪ I don't think your teacher should be kissing you ♪
♪ And said earlier that I don't sing on this channel ♪
Um.
I'm glad that this is a fond memory for you.
I'm not so stoked on adults kissing teenagers.
"It wasn't until a few months ago that I learned
"that not all women are attracted to women.
"I just assumed that all girls had some level
"of attraction to other girls.
"Laugh out loud, whoops."
Same.
I was 19 when I learned that bisexuality existed
and not all girls liked other girls.
And I was 28 years old when I realized
that I was, in fact, not bisexual.
And that not all lesbians are repulsed by men.
Had no idea.
How many more of these shall I do?
This is gonna be just like the TikTok react videos
where I just can't stop.
I want to read all of them
and there's almost a 1000.
Did I mention that?
I got almost a 1000 responses to this.
I'm on number 24.
I'm gonna have to make more of these videos.
Oh.
(laughing)
Okay.
Okay, this one's bold.
"My then girlfriend and I were on a plane,
"sat next to a woman who kept giving us nasty looks.
"So we felt the need to provoke her a little bit.
"It got too heated and we ended up fingering each other
"right there under the blanket.
"Both got off.
"Guess that makes me an official member
"of the mile high club."
Bold!
Like I thought that was gonna go,
"It got too heated and we headed off to the bathroom."
No.
Just finished it right off, right there on the seats.
As a flight attendant, you've gotta see some (beeping).
I would imagine.
Okay, there were a lot like this.
"I'm in love with my best friend.
"She's bisexual but I'm still never going to tell her."
Tell her!
Right?
For all of you putting secrets in like this
that you're in love with someone
or you have a crush on someone
and you're not gonna tell them
and you're keeping it a secret.
Shoot your shot.
That was so out of tune.
(laughing)
Shoot your shot.
Because it almost feels like by not telling them
you're maintaining this relationship,
this friendship relationship in the hopes
that something might happen.
Whereas if you just tell them,
"Hey, I have something I wanna talk to you about.
"I have a crush on you."
Or, "I'd love to take you out sometime.
"How do you feel about that?"
And then give it some time.
This was an Ashley Gavin Seasoned lesbian tip
that I absolutely adored.
Offer time and space to think about it
or as an option if they feel uncomfortable
with the advanced.
So it goes something like,
"Hey bestie, love you girl.
"But I actually love you, like I love you."
And then let's say bestie is like,
"Ooh, I feel--
"I don't feel like that."
And then you can say, "I totally respect that.
"Do you wanna take some space and some time
"to process this conversation.
"I respect your feelings.
"I love being friends with you
"and if you don't reciprocate these feelings
"that's totally cool.
"We can be friends.
"But I never wanna make you feel uncomfortable
"and so if you want to take some time away from me,
"that's totally fine too.
"Love you bestie, just like as a bestie, still."
Or, what if bestie responds
and it's like, "Oh my God, girl, love you too,
"like love you.
"Like I also love you."
And now you're in love.
You're welcome.
This series is not meant for advice.
Oh.
"To get over my ex I got eaten out by her best friend.
"Which makes me sound (beeping), and yes it is,
"whereas there's the factor that she cheated on me
"and broke up with me over text."
Bye.
I mean, get it, girl.
This is a good one.
"I went home to visit my parents and stay at their house
"for a few days before I got married to my now husband.
"My little sister's swim team coach was also staying
"at our house and although I've never met her before,
"when I saw that she had a rainbow pride sticker on her car
"parked in my extremely conservative parent's driveway,
"I knew we'd probably be friends.
"What I didn't expect was to watch an episode
"of Parks and Rec with her and then three days later,
"on the night of my wedding,
"skip wildly though a grocery store in search of wine
"before my husband took her back to our hotel
"to have a three way with her.
"My first time with a woman and it was on my wedding night.
"Best day ever."
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
Get it girl.
I love stories like this.
I love when people are able to explore and have fun
and create these exciting memories.
Yes.
Yes to you, yes to your husband,
yes to the rainbow pride sticker car lady,
yes to that entire story.
Thank you for sharing.
"I met a man whilst figuring our my queerness
"who was, is amazing,
"so I started things with him while hooking up
"with this girl.
"And we didn't click at all so I was like,
"hmm, maybe I don't like women after all.
"Well, time passed, I was about to marry him and all
"and fell in love with an amazing woman.
"I was confused, didn't know if I was falling for her
"or just good friends.
"Well, I knew, but I couldn't know know,
"as I was about to get married and all.
"One day we met and I wanted to kiss her so bad,
"she wouldn't let me.
"So we just felt each other up for hours.
"No kissing, no sex, just boobs for hours.
"I'm kind of embarrassed about how long we were just there,
"you know, hours.
"Like eight hours.
"Never got to see them.
"Never.
"All under shirt boob action.
"All was left for my imagination.
"Damn."
I am trying to actually imagine this.
Eight hours of under boob action.
Was there no chafing.
Like that's a long time to be
rubbing.
(laughing)
Again, I wanna applaud this.
Eight hours.
A feat, an accomplishment.
I don't wanna stop, I just wanna keep reading these.
"I'm dating a woman loving woman couple
"and the more I see them slash sleep with them,
"the more I realize I'm really only attracted
"to one of them."
A conversation needs to happen there.
"When I was a kid, like maybe 10-ish years old,
"when I went to public pools I would go underwater
"just to look at girls' butts.
"Didn't think anything of it until like 10 years later
"and it probably was a massive sign of
"how much of a lesbian I've always been."
Yeah, maybe a little.
Just a few more, I can't stop.
(laughing)
The question that I posted is literally,
"What's your gayest secret?"
And this person said,
"I stole a pair of children's Paw Patrol socks
"from a playground when I was drunk yesterday."
(laughing)
Is Paw Patrol gay, or is stealing gay,
or is being drunk in a children's playground gay?
What's the gay part of this secret?
"Before I realized my lesbianism,
"I was in a relationship with a man for three years.
"I was secretly ridiculously attracted to his exes.
"I've never told anyone this
"because it's (beeping.)
"But even when I tried to think about him
"during me time, if you know what I mean,
"it would never work
"and my mind would always end up drifting
"to his super attractive ex girlfriends.
"It's only then that I'd be able to finish.
"I would feel really (bleeping) guilty every time
"and it kinda put me off masturbation during those years.
"Even with all that going on I still didn't know
"I was a lesbian.
"What the (beeping)?"
If nothing else, I hope that sharing these secrets
helps all of us feel less alone
and less broken.
Because so many of these experiences are more common
than you think.
I've talked about this before,
but my fantasy world
before I realized I was gay didn't exist.
And it didn't exist,
because when I would try to fantasize my mind would drift
to women, my mind would go to queer places
that I was not ready to look at.
And so I just stopped.
I just stopped fantasizing at all
because I felt guilty about it.
And let me tell you, there's nothing to feel guilty about.
You're just gay.
You're just a big old lesbian and that's okay.
You can be gay if you want to.
Again, another one.
"I'm a bi woman and sometimes when my male fiance goes down
"on me, I imagine he's a woman instead.
"Just imagining it will get me off faster."
Fantasy is important.
Fantasy can be a clue, it can be pointing you,
one direction or another.
But it can also be harmless.
If you're happy in your relationship
and sometimes you just wanna imagine
that your partner's a woman, harmless.
In my humble opinion.
"So my first girlfriend cheated on me
"with her ex.
"I then stayed friends with benefits
"with the now ex girlfriend after she got back with her ex.
"Then she cheated on the girlfriend
"and to stir the (beeping pot),
"I slept with her ex for over six months."
That's the most lesbian (beeping)
I've ever read in my life.
We've got four parties here
and everybody's banging everybody.
But like, behind each other's backs.
That's a (beeping) pot.
You got that right.
Oh.
"I was in a relationship with another woman for three years.
"My whole family knew about it.
"My current husband does not."
That's a pretty gay secret.
Okay, I think I'm gonna end this here.
I've been recording for far too long
because I just can't stop.
This is so fun.
Please let me know if you have enjoyed this
and if you want me to make more videos like this.
Because there's clearly a lot of avenues
that we could take this town.
But that is it for me and my sunburned head.
A huge thank you as always to my VIP patrons,
♪ My Vitally Important Producers ♪
Oh wow, I do sing on this channel.
I have misled you.
I apologize.
And another huge thank you to the sponsor of this video,
Beducated.
Be sure to use my code Alayna,
or the link in my description
to get 70% off your annual membership.
And a 24-hour free trial.
Level up your sex life.
Get it, girl.
That's it for this video.
I love you all very much.
And I will see you in the next one.
Bye!
For any of you who my face is new to you--
Is that good grammar?
Why does that sentence sound wrong?
For any of you who my face is new to you.
For those of you who this is a new--
For those of you who's--
Am I having a stroke?